A very old and decrepit Italian man walks into his local church and tells his priest he only has a few weeks to live.
He also says that he would like to make his peace with god and confess all his sins.
So he tells the priest that when he was a young man, he helped to shelter a beautiful young Italian Jew from the Nazi's during the war.
But that in return he demanded sexual favours from her.
How do I make amends he confesses?
"Well" says the priest. "You did save her from a horrible death, so I think God will understand".
So I think 10 "Hail Mary's" should be fine.
"No, No", says the old Italian. "You don't understand".
"How do I tell her her the war is over?"
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ROFL!
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH THAT WAS A GOOOOOOOD ONE...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....WAAAAAAAA...WOOOOO!!!
Okay, now I'm going to read it.
Edit*
nice :)
PS. my priest is a pedophile.
Okay, now I'm going to read it.
Edit*
nice :)
PS. my priest is a pedophile.
¬.¬'
Is it wrong that I've taken this joke onboard as a possible pick-up strategy?
Is it wrong that I've taken this joke onboard as a possible pick-up strategy?
Ehhhh.
I like the one about the coffin better. ;P
I like the one about the coffin better. ;P
Are you saying the war is over???
Some jokes from the hub joke bot:
Two blondes are on a plane to California, they are about two hours into the flight when the pilot gets on the intercom and says "we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer". Half an hour later he gets on the intercom again and says "we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though". One of the blondes says ''If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day''
In a second grade class, a little girl asks, ''Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?'', ''How old is your mother, dear?'' asks the teacher. ''Forty.'' she replies. ''Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant.'' The little girl then asks, ''Can my big sister get pregnant?'' ''Well, dear, how old is your sister?'' The little girl answers, ''Nineteen.'' ''Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant.'' The little girl then asks, ''Can I get pregnant?'' ''How old are you, dear?'' The little girl answers, ''I'm seven years old.'' ''No, dear, you can't get pregnant...'' Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, ''See, I told you we had nothing to worry about.''
Some jokes from the hub joke bot:
Two blondes are on a plane to California, they are about two hours into the flight when the pilot gets on the intercom and says "we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer". Half an hour later he gets on the intercom again and says "we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though". One of the blondes says ''If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day''
In a second grade class, a little girl asks, ''Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?'', ''How old is your mother, dear?'' asks the teacher. ''Forty.'' she replies. ''Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant.'' The little girl then asks, ''Can my big sister get pregnant?'' ''Well, dear, how old is your sister?'' The little girl answers, ''Nineteen.'' ''Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant.'' The little girl then asks, ''Can I get pregnant?'' ''How old are you, dear?'' The little girl answers, ''I'm seven years old.'' ''No, dear, you can't get pregnant...'' Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, ''See, I told you we had nothing to worry about.''
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby. The nurse brings them over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, definitely Caucasian white baby boy!
"Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby"?
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong!
"Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents. "What will you name the baby"?
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him Sum Ting Wong!
Total retard is driving a truck, and he picks up nun that needs a ride. He says:"I will give you a lift, if you will have a sex with me" Nun answers:"Alright, but I won't do it if you are married"
Retard says:"No, I'm not married, i'm single."
Nun asks:"Do you have a condom?"
Reatrd answers:"No, we'll do it from behind, is that okay with you?"
Nun says:"Yes, it is, let's do it"
After hard sex, retard says:"I must confess you something, I'm married and have 2 kids."
Nun says:"I also have confession to make."
She tooks off her veil and says:"I'm Billy and I'm going trick or threating!"
Wahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Oooooooooh...mine is the funniest one...Hahahahahaha....
x'D
Retard says:"No, I'm not married, i'm single."
Nun asks:"Do you have a condom?"
Reatrd answers:"No, we'll do it from behind, is that okay with you?"
Nun says:"Yes, it is, let's do it"
After hard sex, retard says:"I must confess you something, I'm married and have 2 kids."
Nun says:"I also have confession to make."
She tooks off her veil and says:"I'm Billy and I'm going trick or threating!"
Wahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! Oooooooooh...mine is the funniest one...Hahahahahaha....
x'D
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Coroner: No.
Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?
Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.
Two guys are watching a dog lick its balls and one says “Man, I wish I could do that.” The other guy says, “Really? I think I’d just pet him first.”
A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress is cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.
"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands.
"No" he replies, "I'm just the manager."
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.
"I''m afraid I can't," breathes the manager clearly aroused. "He's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message."
She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"
"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"
"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!"
A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress is cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.
"Are you the owner?" she asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands.
"No" he replies, "I'm just the manager."
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.
"I''m afraid I can't," breathes the manager clearly aroused. "He's in the back doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message."
She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: "I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter''s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn't even know that she smoked!"
"It gets worse than that," says the second mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn't even know that she drank!"
"Oh, it gets even worse than that," says the third mother. "I was tidying my daughter''s room last week and you''ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn't even know that she had a penis!"
Mother is vacuuming under her young son's bed, when she finds a stash of hardcore S&M magazines.
So when father comes home from work - she asks "What will we do with him"?
"God knows!" replies father, but whatever it is - we better not spank him".
So when father comes home from work - she asks "What will we do with him"?
"God knows!" replies father, but whatever it is - we better not spank him".
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]John S Stuart wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Mother is vacuuming under her young son's bed, when she finds a stash of hardcore S&M magazines.
So when father comes home from work - she asks "What will we do with him"?
"God knows!" replies father, but whatever it is - we better not spank him".[/QUOTE]
Hahaha. Like it.
So when father comes home from work - she asks "What will we do with him"?
"God knows!" replies father, but whatever it is - we better not spank him".[/QUOTE]
Hahaha. Like it.
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]YourValentine wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Are you saying the war is over???
Some jokes from the hub joke bot:
Two blondes are on a plane to California, they are about two hours into the flight when the pilot gets on the intercom and says "we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer". Half an hour later he gets on the intercom again and says "we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though". One of the blondes says ''If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day''
[/QUOTE]
I DON'T GET IT.
Some jokes from the hub joke bot:
Two blondes are on a plane to California, they are about two hours into the flight when the pilot gets on the intercom and says "we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer". Half an hour later he gets on the intercom again and says "we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though". One of the blondes says ''If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day''
[/QUOTE]
I DON'T GET IT.