A nun travels in the train and when she has to get out a little boy jumps up, opens the door for her and helps with the bags.
"Thank you very much for the help" says the nun, "that is very nice of you". "No problem", answers the boy. "Batman's friends are my friends, too!"
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LOL Not bad Barb!!
Shaaaaaaaaaaame, the nun got cussed. Hahahaha. XD
a man takes his 2 dead rabbits to a taxidermists and says to the man behind the counter
"i would like my 2 rabbits stuffed please".
"certainly" says the man behind the counter,"would you like them mounted as well?".
"no" replies the man with the rabbits,"just holding paws will be fine"
"i would like my 2 rabbits stuffed please".
"certainly" says the man behind the counter,"would you like them mounted as well?".
"no" replies the man with the rabbits,"just holding paws will be fine"
An old man goes to the doctor and asks him for a prescription of Viagra and would he mind cutting them into quarters.
'Not a problem' says the doc 'but I must advise you that you won't get a full erection and be capable of having sex if I cut each tablet into four'
'Young man' says the old man 'I am 96 years old, why in the hell would I want a full erection? I just want it to stick out enough to stop myself pissing on my slippers'.
'Not a problem' says the doc 'but I must advise you that you won't get a full erection and be capable of having sex if I cut each tablet into four'
'Young man' says the old man 'I am 96 years old, why in the hell would I want a full erection? I just want it to stick out enough to stop myself pissing on my slippers'.
My favorite joke is Treasure Moment's band
An older walks in a drug store.
- 5.
- 5 what?
- viagra. my russian lady friend is coming over tonight.
Next day, same man walks in:
- 10.
- viagra?
- no. patches. she never showed up.
- 5.
- 5 what?
- viagra. my russian lady friend is coming over tonight.
Next day, same man walks in:
- 10.
- viagra?
- no. patches. she never showed up.
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Mr.Jingles wrote: [/QUOTENAME]My favorite joke is Treasure Moment's band[/QUOTE]
+1
+1
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Mr.Jingles wrote: [/QUOTENAME]My favorite joke is Treasure Moment's band[/QUOTE]
ba-zing!
ba-zing!
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Mr.Jingles wrote: [/QUOTENAME]My favorite joke is Treasure Moment's band[/QUOTE]
NO: That is beyond a joke.
NO: That is beyond a joke.
This is one my Dad used to tell me when I was little. It's pretty lame, but I always liked it when I was a kid. It's a long one...
There once was a little boy who was born as just a head.
Day in and day out, he would sit in the windowsill and watch all of the other kids playing outside.
One day, while the boy was watching the other kids, his mother came in.
"Mom..." he said, "...why didn't God give me a body?"
"I don't know." she replied. "But if you pray hard enough and ask him for one, maybe you'll get one!"
So, that night, the boy closed his eyes and begged God for a body.
The next morning, the boy awoke to find that he now had a body! He rolled out of his bed and down the stairs to his mother.
"MOM! I HAVE A BODY! I HAVE A BODY!" he cheered.
"That's wonderful!" she replied as the boy rolled to the window.
That night, the boy prayed for a pair of arms. When he awoke the next morning, he had arms. Again he told his mother and she was most excited. He then told his mother that he was going to go to bed early that night so he could ask God for legs.
The next morning, the boy awoke with legs. He jumped out of bed, ran down the stairs through the front door, and into the street. BAM! He was hit by a speeding truck and died instantly.
The moral of this story? Quit while you're ahead.
There once was a little boy who was born as just a head.
Day in and day out, he would sit in the windowsill and watch all of the other kids playing outside.
One day, while the boy was watching the other kids, his mother came in.
"Mom..." he said, "...why didn't God give me a body?"
"I don't know." she replied. "But if you pray hard enough and ask him for one, maybe you'll get one!"
So, that night, the boy closed his eyes and begged God for a body.
The next morning, the boy awoke to find that he now had a body! He rolled out of his bed and down the stairs to his mother.
"MOM! I HAVE A BODY! I HAVE A BODY!" he cheered.
"That's wonderful!" she replied as the boy rolled to the window.
That night, the boy prayed for a pair of arms. When he awoke the next morning, he had arms. Again he told his mother and she was most excited. He then told his mother that he was going to go to bed early that night so he could ask God for legs.
The next morning, the boy awoke with legs. He jumped out of bed, ran down the stairs through the front door, and into the street. BAM! He was hit by a speeding truck and died instantly.
The moral of this story? Quit while you're ahead.
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Dan Corson II: esreveR nI wrote: [/QUOTENAME] There once was a little boy who was born as just a head.[/QUOTE]
On his 18th birthday...
NOT another bloody scarf?
On his 21st birthday...
NOT another bloody hat?
Xmas:
Who is the f*cking joker who bought a pair of socks?
On his 18th birthday...
NOT another bloody scarf?
On his 21st birthday...
NOT another bloody hat?
Xmas:
Who is the f*cking joker who bought a pair of socks?
United states marine corps were retiring old officers. The amount of money they would get for the retirement payment would be the distance measured between two points of their body, and the officer could name the two points. The centimeters would be multiplied by 100.
First one said" From my left middle finger to my right", and spread his hands as wide as possible.
He got 17000$.
Second one said, " From my big toe to my right index finger", and raised his hand as high as he could. He got 21000$.
Third one was a war-weary general, serviced in Vietnam and god knows where..
He said
" From the tip of my prick to my testicles "
The sergeants who had measured the two other officers told him that others had named a bit different places that are a bit further from each other.
The General stuck to his words.
Well, the sergeants pulled down his pants and started to measure the distance, but then one of them shouted:
-GODDAMMIT, where are your testicles!!??
-In Vietnam, said the general.
First one said" From my left middle finger to my right", and spread his hands as wide as possible.
He got 17000$.
Second one said, " From my big toe to my right index finger", and raised his hand as high as he could. He got 21000$.
Third one was a war-weary general, serviced in Vietnam and god knows where..
He said
" From the tip of my prick to my testicles "
The sergeants who had measured the two other officers told him that others had named a bit different places that are a bit further from each other.
The General stuck to his words.
Well, the sergeants pulled down his pants and started to measure the distance, but then one of them shouted:
-GODDAMMIT, where are your testicles!!??
-In Vietnam, said the general.
What do you call 3 asians pushing a car?
- asian power
What do you call 3 mexicans pushing a car?
- mexican power
What do you call 3 white guys pushing a car?
- white power
What do you call 3 black guys pushing a car?
- a stolen car
- asian power
What do you call 3 mexicans pushing a car?
- mexican power
What do you call 3 white guys pushing a car?
- white power
What do you call 3 black guys pushing a car?
- a stolen car
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]YourValentine wrote: [/QUOTENAME]A nun travels in the train and when she has to get out a little boy jumps up, opens the door for her and helps with the bags.
"Thank you very much for the help" says the nun, "that is very nice of you". "No problem", answers the boy. "Batman's friends are my friends, too!"[/QUOTE]
Just as I was about to say "I don't get it", I finally got it. LOL
Telling nun jokes is a bad habit.
"Thank you very much for the help" says the nun, "that is very nice of you". "No problem", answers the boy. "Batman's friends are my friends, too!"[/QUOTE]
Just as I was about to say "I don't get it", I finally got it. LOL
Telling nun jokes is a bad habit.