Fatty and Janet story for March..

to take our minds of all things floppy and otherwise heres a little tale of simple folk..

Fatty and Janet go to the butchers

today,Fatty is taking his colonial cousin Janet for a stroll and showing her the sights around the quaint city of Glasgow.Glasgow is a small suburb north of London [see geography report of UK on FOX news].
Janet has never been to such a quaint well-mannered part of the world before as Glasgow,Janet is from America [see the hellfire and brimstone].Fatty wants to cook Janet breakfast as he's hungry and has only eaten twice this morning so he takes Janet to the local butchers.at the butchers Fatty sees his gay scottish friend "Tiny",Tiny Cockinmouth.Tiny is wearing a gold larmey waistcoat with sequined buttons and a tulip in the lapel.do you know what a prat looks like [see a pic of floppybollox].
Mr Cockinmouth also happens to be a very good butcher and knows how to handle tough old scottish meat [see a pic of Lulu].however,today,he is having a special promotion on "sausages from around the world".Fatty loves sausages and explains to Janet that he eats them all day long,Janet looks bemused and unimpressed by Fatty's remarks but nods politely so as not to upset him.Janet is a nice woman..
"what specials do you have then Tiny?" asks Fatty
"well.." says Tiny,"I have a wonderful Sausage here from Cornwall.its been soaked in cider for extra richness".
Tiny passes Fatty and Janet a sample of the cornish sausage.Janet is unsure about sampling it but is impressed with the flavour and texture of the sausage and comments to Fatty that she must get some to take back to the USA for her friend Lisser as she would not of seen one like that before.Tiny wraps a big piece of the cider based sausage for Janet and gives Fatty his daily 3kg of Walls bangers for his breakfast.
later that evening Fatty is chatting on Queenzone to his friend Barbara about what he and Janet have been up to...
"well" says Fatty in a camp scottish lisp "me and Janet went to the butchers and Tiny was having a special tasting of his sausage.Janet was a bit nervous to start with but soon got used to having a large cornish sausage in cider.in fact she enjoyed it so much in the end that she is gonna recommend it to her friend Lisser who isnt used to tasting Cornish sausages and she has never had such a big sausage in cider"
can you spit german ale through your nose all over a keyboard?
Barbara can..

Nobody does Fatty stories quite like Fatty.
So 'Fatty and Janet goes to the Butchers' should read something like:

Fatty and Janet goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire.

The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks...

'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?'
'Naw,' replies the butcher.
'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]John S Stuart wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Nobody does Fatty stories quite like Fatty.
So 'Fatty and Janet goes to the Butchers' should read something like:

Fatty and Janet goes intae a butcher shop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is standing haunds ahint his back, with his erse aimed at an electric fire.

The wee wumman checks oot the display case then asks...

'Is that yer Ayrshire bacon?'
'Naw,' replies the butcher.
'It's jist ma haun's ah'm heatin'.

[/QUOTE]

only if i wanted it to sound as if i'd got "Bells Palsy"
;-]

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote: [/QUOTENAME]only if i wanted it to sound as if i'd got "Bells Palsy"
;-][/QUOTE]

LOL!

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Homer wrote:[/QUOTENAME]Mmmmmmm....sausaaaage...Aaggaagghhhaahh[/QUOTE]

I just love a good Fatty and Janet story!

;-)

*laugh*

Good thing I never ran into any Cornish sausages while I was there with you!
LOL

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]HistoryGirl wrote: [/QUOTENAME]*laugh*

Good thing I never ran into any Cornish sausages while I was there with you!
LOL[/QUOTE]

no lol
you just had to contend with stuffing balls on xmas day.
*i am sooooooo dead for writing that lol*

"can you spit german ale through your nose all over a keyboard?"

Theoretically yes although it would be diet coke in my case :)

^ i shall remember that for next months story ;-]

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]YourValentine wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Theoretically yes although it would be diet coke in my case :)
[/QUOTE]

Ahh...another Diet Cokaholic. ;-)

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]HistoryGirl wrote: [/QUOTENAME]*laugh*

Good thing I never ran into any Cornish sausages while I was there with you!
LOL[/QUOTE]

no lol
you just had to contend with stuffing balls on xmas day.
*i am sooooooo dead for writing that lol*[/QUOTE]

Yes....you ARE so dead for writing that!

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]HistoryGirl wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]JoxerTheOfficialFacebookPirate wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]HistoryGirl wrote: [/QUOTENAME]*laugh*

Good thing I never ran into any Cornish sausages while I was there with you!
LOL[/QUOTE]

no lol
you just had to contend with stuffing balls on xmas day.
*i am sooooooo dead for writing that lol*[/QUOTE]

Yes....you ARE so dead for writing that! [/QUOTE]


You did leave the window open for him though..

Because I knew he'd jump right through it.
Really I'm just trying to get rid of him.





;-)

^ well i hope its a basement window coz im scared of heights.
get rid of me?
your life would be incomplete without the old bearded pirate lol

can i be in a story? *halo*