Dumped again!

I must tell you that being thrown under the bus as an almost-30 feels whackily different to how it did when I was 21. Back then my coping mechanism seemed to be 'drink a lot and then do my best impersonation of Jake over on QZ'.

Instead I've been staggering around the house like one of those funny film reels of the guys that got shell shock in WW1.

(I had quit posting on this place because I got fed up of the Lambert stupidity but I thought I'd offer up this little bit of toss to pass the time).

Women are like the bus - there's another one every ten minutes.

Being single at 30 is no different from being single at 21 - as long as you're not following societal ideas that we should somehow be married with two kids in a house with a white picket fence by now. I sure ain't, and I'm older than you.

Take this as an opportunity to build something. After a big breakup a couple years back, this article worked wonders for me:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-harsh-truths-that-will-make-you-better-person

Good to see your wit is still in fine order. Now create something.

Ever considered being a writer for Cracked? You definitely are good enough. And I hear they pay well.

Sorry to hear that. I wish you the best!

What?!

If it makes you feel any better Zeb, I also went through a split at the end of November, after over 5 years together (with two kids). I know exactly how you feel, especially with the "shell shock."

Hang on in there folks, put for early Queen music on and rock out till the mood passes, play guitar hard, drum fast and annoy the crap out of next door. In time all will pass and life returns to normal best advoce I can give is to throw yourself into a project of some sort and keep busy, before you know it weeks will have passed and life will seem much better

I'm so sorry, Inu!

I hope both of you, find a better partner for your life (not like me, I think I would never find somebody. :/).

[QUOTE] [b]Togg wrote:[/b]

throw yourself into a project of some sort and keep busy, before you know it weeks will have passed and life will seem much better [/QUOTE]

^ this.

When I have a shock, I think it takes about three or four days of feeling really sad or disappointed or betrayed (depending on the situation), and then - maybe it is just me, but a survival mechanism then kicks in so that I am not feeling so bad. Acceptance of the situation, wanting to eat again, laughing, being able to enjoy normal activities, and a feeling of peace. Maybe it is denial or a suppression of the really sad thoughts, but it happens (for me). I agree that distraction is good after the initial shock wears off. Do whatever is enjoyable. Know that you are loved, you have a great family and good friends.

Look on the bright side ... at least you are not out $10,000 twice this month. The first incident was due the arrogance of the power-hungry president of our homeowner's association, while the 2nd incident was due to a cement encased tire that was abondoned in an adjacent unbuilt subdivision.

[QUOTE] [b]shannaschaffer wrote:[/b]I'm so sorry, Inu![/QUOTE]

Thank you Shanna. It was pretty rough, but at least now I'm back to at least 90%. If anything my overall stress levels have gone down to a consistency I've not really enjoyed fully in quite some time, which is good for my health.

On the other hand, I did pick up extra part time late night work weeks ago, so my energy and stamina levels have been realt hit and miss some days due to working literally working day and night, some days (no pun intended). So....c'est la vie.

[QUOTE] [b]Togg wrote:[/b]In time all will pass and life returns to normal best advoce I can give is to throw yourself into a project of some sort and keep busy, before you know it weeks will have passed and life will seem much better [/QUOTE]

Thankfully at least when the split happened, I still had two rock shows to go out of the 6 we've played (as Spekters) since last July, so the music was definitely there to help cope and keep distracted initially. Though I felt a very strange kind of weird being on stage on the Dec. 5th show barely a week after the split happened, to the point where I felt like I was really messing up, except when I listen back to the recording I'm actually playing the same as I've always done (if not MORE creative with some of my fills in some songs!), so go figure that one out.

[QUOTE] [b]Zebonka12 wrote:[/b]

I must tell you that being thrown under the bus as an almost-30 feels whackily different to how it did when I was 21. Back then my coping mechanism seemed to be 'drink a lot and then do my best impersonation of Jake over on QZ'.

Instead I've been staggering around the house like one of those funny film reels of the guys that got shell shock in WW1.

(I had quit posting on this place because I got fed up of the Lambert stupidity but I thought I'd offer up this little bit of toss to pass the time).[/QUOTE]

Did you get any honest reasons? Anyway, ugh. And sorry. I never post any more either, but wanted to send you a hug. Break ups can be really hard, and you just have to give yourself whatever time you need. Some personalities are not well set up for loss and while I hope you're quickly resilient, don't get down on yourself if you're not. There are usually things you can do to move forward at least a little more effectively and efficiently. And then one day, you're suddenly pretty okay.

[QUOTE] [b]Zebonka12 wrote:[/b]

I must tell you that being thrown under the bus as an almost-30 feels whackily different to how it did when I was 21. Back then my coping mechanism seemed to be 'drink a lot and then do my best impersonation of Jake over on QZ'.

Instead I've been staggering around the house like one of those funny film reels of the guys that got shell shock in WW1.

(I had quit posting on this place because I got fed up of the Lambert stupidity but I thought I'd offer up this little bit of toss to pass the time).[/QUOTE]

I hear you when you say it feels different when you're approaching 30. We start feeling time is running out and we're going to miss our train. But as the Wizard said, none of us have to fit into some made up social norm of getting married and having kids by a certain age.

Keep in mind that so, so, many people who get married in their 20s end up divorcing.

When it happens, it will happen. Being almost 30 is still a kid by most people's standards. Give time to yourself to heal, and then start venturing back into the world of "meeting someone".

Time is all that can really heal the wound of a broken relationship. The initial change and the memories can feel like murder. But they really do subside with time.

The only advice I can give is get down and do stuff. Work for yourself - develop yourself - and when the time comes, you will find someone to spend your life with.