BY REQUEST: REJECTED QUEEN MONOPOLY "CHANCE" CARDS...

Feel free to contribute:

Please be familiar with the monopoly game to avoid pillorying criticism.


[the initial chance cards presented here]

- You've been spotted by press photographers on an evening with Anita Dobson; divorce imminent. Lose 1/2 your money.

- A chance excursion into a seedy gay bar has left you with mushroom fungus growing on your ****; lose $2,000 [diagnosis]; lose 2 turns"

- Paparazzo have stolen items from your trash; controversy confirmed. Stay in, and lose a turn.

- You've made an appearance in apartheid South Africa; gain $120,000, lose a turn

- You've been at it again at the MINESHAFT; you have 6 years to live; lose $1,000 buying drinks and blow, and lose a turn

- Your guitar busted a string on a solo, crowd complaints are heard; press harangue performance. Lose a turn.

- (*they can't ALL be bad)

- You've upstaged every performer on a worldwide television broadcast, earn $200,000

further down the John. ...


- First album sleeve incorrectly states your name; lose credibility with attractive women at performance, lose $30 (buying drinks), AND lose a turn.

- Hair accidentally dyed green; perform show to manic applause, gain hair product endorsement, gain $4,000

- Break foot cruising local club/bar instigating bar fight; performance suffers, Lose $50,000. (insurance covers $15,000) *[Outcome: +$35,000]

- Injure drumming hand picking up wild roses thrown by fans onstage. Performance delayed, Lose $5,000, lose a turn.

- Press threatens sale of explicit sex tape; management bargains behind the scenes. Lose $15,000

- (Hospital) bedridden with hepatitis, American Tour cancelled; bedridden for weeks, Lose $30; lose 3 turns

- Animal handler sells story to the press "Looked very ill", lose a turn.

- Album HOT SPACE spurs legions of fans to disperse; lose $12,000,000; wait 36 years to recover"

- Crazy Little Thing Called Love tops singles chart; numerous offers pour in; gain $180,000.

- Eddie Murphy grabs your crotch backstage at tv show taping, scornfully but playfully reject advances; "who is he?". Lose a turn. [rimshot]

- Novelty "white rapper" uses "UNDER PRESSURE" sample for song; no initial value, garner $20,000 after next 3 turns.

- John Deacon goes "balls out" during Wembley performance; lose $5 quid over bar room bet claiming that it really happened. *(precedes initial concert release)

- ****COMMUNITY CHEST****

- Find "presumed spent/missing $100 Bill" in your right sock after night at strip club; gain $100.

- Someone has their eye on you! Spend $13k financing music video for IT'S A HARD LIFE

***CHANCE***

- SPEND $28,000 producing QUEEN: THE EYE, gain $326.00 in sales *[net gain: -$26,684.00] Lose a turn.

- Proclaim (once again) "Freddie would have wanted it this way" on television broadcast; Lose credibility, stay home; lose a turn

Lol I'll never look at Monopoly the same way again. Fantastic post mate.

[QUOTE] [b]matt z wrote:[/b]

- (Hospital) bedridden with hepatitis, American Tour cancelled; bedridden for weeks, Lose $30; lose 3 turns

- Album HOT SPACE spurs legions of fans to disperse; lose $12,000,000; wait 36 years to recover"

- Eddie Murphy grabs your crotch backstage at tv show taping, scornfully but playfully reject advances; "who is he?". Lose a turn. [rimshot]

[/QUOTE]

Fucking genius !!

Keep 'em coming.

[QUOTE] [b]matt z wrote:[/b]

- SPEND $28,000 producing QUEEN: THE EYE, gain $326.00 in sales *[net gain: -$26,684.00] Lose a turn.

[/QUOTE]

And why was "The Eye" such a hit?
It was because they gave us 2 full CDs worth of music that the fans actually wanted!
Lesson NOT fully learned....

Your bassist has split his trousers in the middle of the show and your singer is dying laughing. Spend 100$ in the next clothes store.

Your guitarist has stormed off your studio session for the 17th time in a week. Spend 10000$ for another week studio rental and lose a turn.

Your bassist has said his first word in 15 years. Good job! Gain 100$.

Hilarious.

"You decide to tour for first time in 19 years, only to find your chosen singer wears a wig/weave, leather trousers, and over elongates every vowel. Lose half a US Arena of ticket sales. You alienate half your audience and do not get another throw of the dice until you find another replacement, who alienates the other half".

"You record a Christmas single but stupidly do not release an accompanying video for it. Lose 10,000 TV Music channel airplays and associated royalties".

Band decision: forthcoming album will share authorship, all players collect $12,000

- You've won an Ivor Novello award for your new music video!; sales spike; collect $20,000

- Barry Williams (*of Brady Bunch fame) covers your song. Collect $450

- Your new collaborative commercial hits SUPER BOWL SUNDAY; audience disinterested. Lose fans, angrily cash PEPSI cola cheque. Earn $45,000; lose a turn.

- Musical Theater singer proclaims his love for Queen, Brian and that other guy. Sales spike; Earn $15,000

- Bassist proceeds with first solo effort; band in distress, Lose a turn.

- You've shunned completing a collaboration with Michael Jackson; Lose $5 million/or lose the game.

Nice one! My go at it:

- A midget steals all your coke at your birthday. Lose a turn
- You grow a moustache. US popularity down the drain. You lose $ 10 million.
- Your guitar player drops off a skateboard and injures a shoulder. Lose a turn
- Your base player retires. You can continue as if nothing happened.
- You wake up between 7 naked guys and you don't even know their names. Pick a STD card or pay $ 5000 doctors fee.

Alright, the last few were meant to diffuse the fact that the first were kinda. ... mean


- But! funny is funny


- IT'S LATE and you shag a call girl one night at the hotel; wondering aboutit, you write a song that the public doesn't remember; feel disparaged and lose a turn.

- ACROSS THE SEA you bang a groupie in a hotel in Japan and write a song about it; it's only remembered for it's middle eight and bass line. Feel disparaged and lose a turn

- ROLLING STONE magazine rates you "26th greatest guitarist ever". Feel discouraged, lose a turn.

- You compose a musical score for live performances of MACBETH; it's never released. Lose $40,000, and lose a turn.

- You greatly champion a new performer in the press. Guest star in resulting DAPPY video; just lose a turn already

LOL, this is great

- Your record company puts together a LOT of all your recorded solo efforts. They've sent you an approval copy; it is empty. Lose a turn.

- The cleaning lady has swept out your mountain of coke from your bed. Lose $5,000, and lose a turn

- You've been been replaced on nearly all 80's output with a programmed machine; lose a turn.

- Your doctor says you've gained too much weight; insurance company requests additional performer to the tour. Take your son to work; lose a turn.

- 1980's: Another drummer has taken your fame and your name; feel out of touch, lose a turn.

[QUOTE] [b]matt z wrote:[/b]

- Your record company puts together a LOT of all your recorded solo efforts. They've sent you an approval copy; it is empty. Lose a turn.

- The cleaning lady has swept out your mountain of coke from your bed. Lose $5,000, and lose a turn

- You've been been replaced on nearly all 80's output with a programmed machine; lose a turn.

- Your doctor says you've gained too much weight; insurance company requests additional performer to the tour. Take your son to work; lose a turn.

- 1980's: Another drummer has taken your fame and your name; feel out of touch, lose a turn. [/QUOTE]

Loving these! :-)