HEADLINES YOU'D RATHER BE READING TODAY

I'm stealing a thread idea from Prince.org, which i initially thought was going to be a contributing thread rather than a media story post.

Feel free to chime in.

Stories/Headlines you'd rather see today than whatever commercial dribble/insanely sad story there is on the real ones.

Doesn't have to be "national news/international etc, just anything"


- "HUGE WEAPONS CACHE DISCOVERED UNDERNEATH VAULT OF HELEN KELLER"

- "DANNY GLOVER CONFESSES: "GETTING TOO OLD FOR THIS""

- "MAN MARRIES WILDEBEEST" (family surname being "wildebeest")

- "Chewing gum loses flavor on bedpost overnight"

- "Michael Richards to begin one man Sammy Davis show"

- JESUS SUES CHURCH FOR DEFAMATION

- QUEEN RELEASE EXTENSIVE DELUXE STUDIO ARCHIVES; FANS HOSPITALIZED WITH SHOCK" *(Byline 3 confirmed dead)

"MCCARTNEY PIRATES CAMEO: BLACKBEARD SINGING IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT"

- "ALL TERRORISTS HAVE BEEN THWARTED AND SUBJECTED TO BOB ROSS RE-RUNS"

- "EVERY TIME A CELEBRITY DIES, BRUCE FORSYTH EXPERIENCES THE QUICKENING"

- "FREDDIE MERCURY AND DAVID BOWIE FOUND ALIVE AND WELL IN MARKS AND SPENCERS CAFE"

- "THERESA MAY FOUND NOT ALIVE AND WELL...."

- "GOOD THREAD APPEARS ON QUEENZONE"

- "STEWIE GRIFFIN ATE MY HAMSTER"

- "SCOTLAND DECLARE INDEPENDENCE"

- "RUSSIANS STOP DEMANDING RELEASE OF QUEEN'S HYDE PARK AND EARLS COURT SHOWS"

- "OMAD DJALILI DOES A SHOW AND DOESN'T MENTION HE'S IRANIAN"

- "HARRY HILL WANTS TIME ALONE: TO START NEW TOUR TOMORROW".

""FREDDIE MERCURY AND DAVID BOWIE FOUND ALIVE AND WELL IN MARKS AND SPENCERS CAFE""

Were they stealing clothes?

Well, what else would they be doing? :P

Getting clothes to sell in Kensington market again.

RUSSIAN HACKERS HELD EARLS COURT TAPES, FILMS HOSTAGE: THREATENS TO RELEASE THEM IN BETTER QUALITY IF RANSOM'S NOT PAID

YOU SPIN ME ROUND ENTERS NO.1 AMIDST FIDGET SPINNER CRAZE

QUEEN FAN FORUM FIXES GLITCHES

Haha ^^fidget bullshit.


Useless crap. I thought it was only the U.S. ?

Fan glitches hahaha.


QUEEN ELIZARDBETH PHOTOGRAPHED WITHOUT HUMAN SKIN

PRINCE ROGERS NELSON MURDER SOLVED

CRACKDOWN ON HOLLYWOOD ELITE

TOM CRUISE COMES OUT OF CLOSET AMIDST RECORD FINANCIAL WOES

WHEELCHAIR ROCKERS: THE NEW CRAZE

MAN PLUNGES TO DEATH: SUICIDE; AMID FIDGET STOCK LOWS

IVORY FIDGETS SEIZED FROM BLACK MARKET BUST

VATICAN CELEBRATES NEW "EROTIC WING"; (changes made in hopes to attract more tourism)

1ST ANNUAL JOHN DEACON FESTIVAL CELEBRATION EXTRAVAGANZA (Brian May quoted: "It'll never last...")

GARY BUSEY REVEALED TO BE NICK NOLTE ON DRUG HIGH

CHAKA TO ARETHA: "I FEEL FOR YOU"

NICK NOLTE CONFESSES: "GARY BUSEY WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT ROLE OF MY LIFE"

Apparently, even fidget spinners are a bit of a fad in this side of the Far East

METALLICA DRUMMER ULRICH RECEIVES DANE KNIGHTHOOD, HATERS GO BERSERK
"He's not even the best drummer of Metallica!" - Haters
"Do we have to call him Sir Lars now" - rest of Metallica

[QUOTE] [b]Killer_queenIII wrote:[/b]

METALLICA DRUMMER ULRICH RECEIVES DANE KNIGHTHOOD, HATERS GO BERSERK
"He's not even the best drummer of Metallica!" - Haters
"Do we have to call him Sir Lars now" - rest of Metallica[/QUOTE]

Standing ovation!!

The one I would love to read is a simple one: RELIGION DISAPPEARS COMPLETELY.

RADIOHEAD GIG AT OLD TRAFFORD ATTRACT RECORD NUMBER OF TWATS
"What the hell am i doing here?" - some creep

QUEEN RELEASE NEWS OF THE WORLD 40TH ANNIVERSARY DELUXE EDITION: BAFFLING 7 DISCS OF WE WILL ROCK YOU REMIXES+ ORIGINAL CONTENT WRAPPED IN BUTCHER PAPER

BRIAN MEY: "WE WANT TO RELEASE A NEW ALBUM NEXT YEAR BUT FREDDY STOP US"V

DEACON SAYS THAT BRIAN IS A GRUMPY IDIOT

TAYLOR RELEASES A NEW ALBUM, TIRED OF QUEEN

FREDDY MAY BE WRITING A REMAKE OF THE WWRY MUSICAL

Brian is furious: "He's an old dumbass that don't know how to save his life", said to a reporter in a WhatsApp group.