26th December 2003
The Pearly Gates
(Bomi Bulsara is standing in a queue outside the Pearly Gates)
St Peter: Next.
Bomi: Hello, I wonder if you could help me. I died this afternoon and would like to enter the kindom of heaven.
St Peter: Certainly Sir, If I could just take a few details from you. Can I have your name?
Bomi: Bomi Bulsara.
St Peter: And could I have your religion please?
Bomi: Zoroastrian.
St Peter: Could you spell that for me please?
Bomi: Z.O.R.O.A.S.T.R.I.A.N
St Peter: OK, I think your on the top floor. Now I just need to know the name of your nearest next of kin who died last.
Bomi: That would be my son Farhook.
St Peter: And could I have the date of his death?
Bomi: The 24th of November 1991.
(St Peter clicks away on his keyboard for a while with a puzzled expression on his face)
St Peter: I'm terribley sorry Mr Bulsara but I can't find any record of a Farhook Bulsara who passed away on the 24th of November 1991. Are you sure of the date?
Bomi: I'm positive.
St Peter: Ok. I'll check again.
(St Peter enters the information into the computer again)
St Peter: I'm sorry Mr Bulsara but there is no record of a Farhook Bulsara in the Zoroastrian section.
(Bomi scrathches his head and thinks for a while)
Bomi: Try under Freddie Mercury.
St Peter: Freddie Mercury?
Bomi: Yes.
St Peter: Your son is Freddie Mercury?
Bomi: That's correct.
St Peter: Well bugger me backwards.
Bomi: Is there some kind of problem?
St Peter: Well it's just that I used to frequent a Queen message board on the internet called Queenforever and I was under the impression that God himself had sired Freddie.
Bomi: No I can assure you that he is my son.
St Peter: Well if you would just like to take a seat over there I will ring him down for you.
Bomi: Thank you.
(Bomi takes a seat while St Peter makes a phonecall. After a minute or so Freddie appears )
Freddie: Hiya Dad.
Bomi: Hello son, how are you?
Freddie: Oh can't complain, hows yourself?
Bomi: Surprisingly well for someone who died a few hours ago.
Freddie: And how are Mum and Kash?
Bomi: Yeah they're fine too. In fact your mother seems to look younger with each year that
passes. I reckon she's got another 60 years to go before she goes through puberty backwards.
Freddie: That's great. So tell me what's been happening in the world of Queen since I popped my clogs.
Bomi: Don't you keep up with things from here?
Freddie: You're kidding aren't you? All we get up here is Cliff Richard and Daniel O' fucking Donnel.
Bomi: Oh Dear, you'd better sit down son.
Freddie: Don't worry Dad, just so long as the lads haven't joined forces with some pseudo left-wing comedian to put on a west end show. Or worse, still teamed up with one of those flash in the pan boy bands in a pathtic attempt to pander to pre teen knicker wetters. Or God forbid done a commercial for Pepsi with some vacant pop bimbo.
Bomi: Er.... you'd better lie down son.
fatty.
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Posts in chronological order
brilliant !
this is wonderful, your best work ever fatty.
Will there be a book!?!??
Will there be a book!?!??
Brilliant Fatty! :)
Cheered me right up!
Cheered me right up!
Freddie: That's great. So tell me what's been happening in the world of Queen since I popped my clogs.
Bomi: Don't you keep up with things from here?
Freddie: You're kidding aren't you? All we get up here is Cliff Richard and Daniel O' fucking Donnel.
Bomi: Cliff? You mean that fucker you pranced about the stage with in 1987?
Freddie: That's the one......aw go on Dad, what's have his crimbo singles been like? Oh, do tell? And what about the lads? They haven't joined forces with some pseudo left-wing comedian to put on a west end show. Or worse, still teamed up with one of those flash in the pan boy bands in a pathtic attempt to pander to pre teen knicker wetters. Or God forbid done a commercial for Pepsi with some vacant pop bimbo.
Bomi: Fuck sake son, you must have some mystic Zorastrian third eye?
Freddie: I knew it!! They must be simply dripping with money. It may be vulgar but it's wonderful! All I want is for them to make lots of money and spend, spend, spend!
fatty.
Bomi: Don't you keep up with things from here?
Freddie: You're kidding aren't you? All we get up here is Cliff Richard and Daniel O' fucking Donnel.
Bomi: Cliff? You mean that fucker you pranced about the stage with in 1987?
Freddie: That's the one......aw go on Dad, what's have his crimbo singles been like? Oh, do tell? And what about the lads? They haven't joined forces with some pseudo left-wing comedian to put on a west end show. Or worse, still teamed up with one of those flash in the pan boy bands in a pathtic attempt to pander to pre teen knicker wetters. Or God forbid done a commercial for Pepsi with some vacant pop bimbo.
Bomi: Fuck sake son, you must have some mystic Zorastrian third eye?
Freddie: I knew it!! They must be simply dripping with money. It may be vulgar but it's wonderful! All I want is for them to make lots of money and spend, spend, spend!
fatty.
*sighs*
Fatty, you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.
*laughs*
Fatty, you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.
*laughs*
"this is wonderful, your best work ever fatty.
Will there be a book!?!??"
Can I have a copy?!
Will there be a book!?!??"
Can I have a copy?!
That's sick, fatty.
But I laughed my ass off.
But I laughed my ass off.
Well done Fatty!
and to all, a good night!
and to all, a good night!
lovely stuff, go an post in on Queenonline, they'll love it.....
Top work, especially Freddie's mum's ever growing youthfulness.
"Well it's just that I used to frequent a Queen message board on the internet called Queenforever and I was under the impression that God himself had sired Freddie."
Oooooh... BURN!!!
Oooooh... BURN!!!
LOL fatty
fatty- you have to write this book!!!
LMAO!!! fatty you are a brazen devil! );o)
We all know where fatty is heading for when he "pops his clogs". Pitchfork and horns await ya!
Kriz ;o)
We all know where fatty is heading for when he "pops his clogs". Pitchfork and horns await ya!
Kriz ;o)