The Bible Code

As it seems to be the way of things these days, I devised my own code on t'Old Testement earlier today, over elevenses at just gone twelve thirty ( I was running late).

It goes something like this:- For every sixth letter detract the sum of the previous two letters given that A is 12, B is 24643 and so on. Times this number by the total of the following nine letters. Subtract this by three and square it.

'Too easy Flash', I hear you groan.

Doesn't work either.
At least that's what I thought until I came across the following, staring out at me in old Hebrew in a clear diamond pattern. Well, diamond-y, but close enough to make no difference. Actually, it was more of a rhombus if I'm honest but I'm losing my drift.

Anyhow, prepare to be shocked to your very roots.

Ready?
You too Charles Baer - put your knitting down.

It said "E-V-E-R-Y--H-O-L-E--I-S--A--G-O-A-L"

And here's me thinking I've been wasting my life all these years! Turns out I was right all along!

Who'da thunk it?

That may be so Flashy old friend but when I enjoyed my elevenses today, I discovered that according to David Icke that nothing really exists. He said that everything that seemed real, like a table for instance, isnt really real at all because it is made up of little atoms that contain nothing at all.

I was really confused when I was sitting on my "non-existant" chair, drinking my "non-existant" tea from my "non-existant" cup.

So using his theory, you couldnt have read that from the bible because it doesnt really exist. Sorry old friend.

Mr Mercury

May God have mercy on you.

May He have mercy on all arseholes.

Sorry, our souls.

If only they would put it in writing that the world is going to end in 2006. I'd take out a massive bank loan and fly to the US and serenade Miss James.

Oh the little minx!

I always thought The Bible Code was up, left, right, right, circle, triangle, down, somersault, prayer, circle, circle, and down. Maybe I've been playing it wrong.

That was the old version.

Oh. Damn technology, always progressing as soon as I get a grip on it!

I'm sorry to hear. That is unless some sort of honey were spread on the Bible and eaten?

I'm allergic to honey, thank you very much.

And religion, ironically enough.

I like religion, it's fun to bash. :)

This is non-allergenic honey..OF DEATH

Wait...scratch that 'of death' thing.

If I scratched Death, wouldn't he be pretty angry?

Not if he had an itch.

Death doesn't get itchy...he has no skin.