Popped up to see old Flashman Senior at his current abode, the ‘Dunlivin Home For The Mentally Absurd’ today, to get a few signatures on some endowment policies and the like. It’s always hit and miss with the old coot nowadays, I’m afraid. On his rare good days he can show extreme lucidity, damning me for a parasite and a blight on the family – water of a swan’s back, of course. Luckily, today he was doped up to the peepers on morphine, so I had a jolly wheeze confusing him by saying it was Christmas Day, putting his slippers on the wrong feet and calling him Bernard.
The old blighter in the next bed swears he’s Napolean, even wearing the silly hat and whistling ‘La Marseillaise’ – I always make sure I empty a vase of water over his sheets whenever his back’s turned – cheers me up no end to see him hollering for the nurses in his broken French.
While I think on, there’s a cracking young nurse just started – Phillipino naturally, and she turns a magnificent shade of pink and goes all giggly whenever I visit. I’ll be rogering that before the month’s out, I reckon. Been too long since I divulged in a taste of the East. I like ‘em hot and spicy, but the only problem is that half an hour later you’re always itching for another one.
Anyroad, I got the necessary autographs (little more than a big ‘X’ these days, rot him) which means I’ll have a tidy sum wired into my account by the weekend. I intend to blow a large chunk of it sunning myself and no doubt getting into all kinds of scrapes with whichever lucky young strumpets happen to be at hand. Ah, so much Flashman, so little time.
But the question is, where? My parameters are simple: beach, sunshine and ladyfolk. Somewhere away from the wretched 18-30 rabble, obviously.
In all my travels, I have yet to visit Malta or the Canaries – are they up to much? Nor have I ever been to the current ‘buzz’ destinations of Bulgaria or Croatia. Any recommendations?
The poster with the best suggestion will receive a much coveted ‘Bike It’ T-Shirt, so anyone who responds: “Why don’t you just fuck off and stay there?” will be immediately out of the running.
nil · Member since
so err... you off on holiday like?
Flashman · Member since
I certainly am, Chaz.
Offering to pop the old sunblock on my back, you saucy minx? There will most likely be a queue, so you do right to get your name down early.
nil · Member since
What an honour, I'll be in the que then!
If you like send us up some dosh, ireally need to go to Italy ;)
Well, well then flashykins, have a nice time, which im sure you will!
Flashman · Member since
Send dosh? Surely the honour of having 100% prime British fillet on your arm as you stroll along a sun-kissed beach is worth paying good money for?
Send dosh, indeed.
Lisser · Member since
South Beach Miami, Fla. USA
nil · Member since
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Flashman wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Send dosh? Surely the honour of having 100% prime British fillet on your arm as you stroll along a sun-kissed beach is worth paying good money for?
Send dosh, indeed.
[/QUOTE]
LOL, Flashykins, it's like asking me for a drink, i'd rather have the money ;)
Bob The Shrek · Member since
For fuck's sake don't go to Malta, it's crap. The most exciting part of the holiday was getting on the plane to go home.
Janet · Member since
Come to my wardrobe...I'm telling you, its a happening place.
Flashman · Member since
What was up with Malta, young Bob? They all like the Brits, so I'm told. Lack of sandy beaches perhaps, but I liked the idea of a boat trip over to Sicily. Hmm, may as well go to Sicily.
My dear Lisser, I have never fancied Florida for some reason. All those joke-sized Yanks waddling about with their belly wheels, giving it the big 'I am', when everyone knows 'tis I that am.
Mind you, it would be a different story if you were to accompany me, toots. I'd swim over there for half a chance of simply nuzzling your neck.
And Janet's wardrobe? No fear! I have heard the legend and it fills me with dread. All those missing QueenZoners - once you enter, you don't leave.
*Hides behind Lisser. Gibbers.*
Lisser · Member since
Flashy you are such a charmer!! ;)
Come on then, let's go......Janet, you come with us too!!!
I luuuuuurve South Beach!!
Janet · Member since
Packing my bags right now!
;-D
Flashman · Member since
That's sorted then - I'm on my way to Miami Beach for some hot 3-way action with Lisser and Janet.
It's good to be Flashman.
Fidel · Member since
It's not so good to be Flashman at Queenonline is it?
Miss James and Tick are legends!
Lisser · Member since
erm who cares about queenonline?? This is QueenZONE Fidel.
