Tsunamis. Earthquakes. Tens of thousands killed. Children orphaned or fatherless. Or motherless, I ain't sexist. All wretchedly sad and my heart goes out to them, it really does. But the thing that most concerns me in life at the mo is: when am I going to get my next shag?
Which is why I'll be seeing in the New Year this year in romantic Paris, with a fine bit of skirt on my arm and a glint in the ol' eye.
"What's that, Flashy? " thinks you, the gentle Reader, " off to Paris, with all those cursed Frogs, just to impress a bit of mutton?"
Guilty as charged, your honour - send me down and throw away the key. But this piece ain't no ordinary bit of mutton. She's prime rump fillet - none of your scrag end, 2 pints of shandy and a packet of pork scratchings and she's anyone's type of bint. This one takes some impressing before she yields to the overwhelming powers of Prince Flashy. How to finally get her, after months of fervent squiring, into the 'Half Flashman' (one hand cupping tit, t'other grasping rear)?
So it's off tomorrow night, for the intoxicating charms of Yuletide Paris, cursed Frogs and all, in the hope of getting this saucy wee trot's guard dropped, closely followed by her underwear.
After all, I'm aiming for the 1000th career mount. Although I'm still a while short, the gap is closing. Albeit at a somewhat dwindling rate...
So spare me a thought, faithful Reader: for while you're standing four deep at the bar trying to get served, or crying yourself to sleep alone - I'll no doubt be bending over a tidy piece of tackle and piling away to the strains of 'La Marseillais', half-cut on claret and lust.
But how will you be seeing in the New Year?
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So what you're telling us, dear Flashy, is that you will be spending your New Year's at home all alone, like the sad single man in his thirties that you are?
I'll be attending a fancy dress party, but as yet have'nt decided what to go as. Last year I was Robin Hood and the good lady went as Maid Marian. Let me tell you, I looked pretty good in tights, and I turned many an eye that night.
Congrats Flashy, on your latest conquest over the water. You can always spot a classy French bird, she'll shave her pits.
Congrats Flashy, on your latest conquest over the water. You can always spot a classy French bird, she'll shave her pits.
So Paris is where you are taking me Flashy??
;)
;)
So what you're telling us, dear Flashy, is that you will be spending your New Year's at home all alone, like the sad single man in his thirties that you are?
Do I detect a jealous tone, dear Miss James?
And BARELY thirties, if you don't mind! A man of my means may flit wherever he wishes at whatever time he chooses, young lady. And I'll thank you not to disrespect your elders in future, especially in matters that concern you not.
So Paris is where you are taking me Flashy??
;)
Alas, no! But weep not, young Lisser. For your time will one day surely come. Just like all the rest...
Seriously though, I can definitely pencil you in for next year, if you're genuinely up for it.
*Encourages rest of QueenZone to circle MissJames, chanting "You're just jealous! You're just jealous!"*
Ah, it's the simple things.
Ah, it's the simple things.
It's "forget the New Year celebrations" for me. The sad fact is that I work closing shift New Year's eve, which means that I'm working until 6:30pm, but then I have to go to work at 5:00 am New Year's day because of some meeting that all new hires have to attend. Im beginning to think that the early morning schedule that was given to me was some sort of a joke, though...
Miss James is just going senile (yes, I'm going to milk this joke until you are in your 60's)
I'll be spending it probably at some sort of party. You know how it is in Australia. Can't leave those 'roos alone. *looks suggestively at a roo*
I'll be spending it probably at some sort of party. You know how it is in Australia. Can't leave those 'roos alone. *looks suggestively at a roo*
Ooh, I struck a nerve, didn't I, Flashy? Don't worry, I'm sure the thirties will be good to you.
As for being jealous, please don't flatter yourself. It's very unbecoming.
*shakes fist in an elderly fashion at iGSM*
As for being jealous, please don't flatter yourself. It's very unbecoming.
*shakes fist in an elderly fashion at iGSM*
TWILIGHT ZONE MARATHON ON THE SCIFI CHANNEL! WOOHOO!
heh, this is fun. FUN FUN FUN! IN THE SUN SUN SUN!
Too bad that's not on. The Red Dwarf marathon which has been on the last 2 years. ALPHABETTI SPAGHETTI!!!?!?!!?!?!
Too bad that's not on. The Red Dwarf marathon which has been on the last 2 years. ALPHABETTI SPAGHETTI!!!?!?!!?!?!
She has no reason to be jealous of you Flashy...
I'll leave it at that, because I know that it will take you a little bit of time to put your denchers in or wheel yourself to the computer to supply a response. Don't fall and break a hip Grandpa. :^P
I'll leave it at that, because I know that it will take you a little bit of time to put your denchers in or wheel yourself to the computer to supply a response. Don't fall and break a hip Grandpa. :^P
*does that thing on the Jerry Springer show when the white trash says something unexpected*
heh, this is fun. FUN FUN FUN! IN THE SUN SUN SUN!
Too bad that's not on. The Red Dwarf marathon which has been on the last 2 years. ALPHABETTI SPAGHETTI!!!?!?!!?!?!
Give quiche a chance!