new-ish gag

A Schizophrenia Conference last week was said to be well attended

by anybody who was everybody

Scientists have developed a cure for apathy.......unforunately, no one has shown any interest!

Bad news - the Euthanasia Convention earmarked for this summer has been killed off at the last minute.

What do the letters AND stand for?
National Dyslexic Association.

the mute (right word?) said to the deaf i saw the cripple running

:P

http://www.dictionare.com/

new Alzheimers Street Protest

they were clearly heard to be chanting

- "what do we want?
- "fuck knows!
- "when do we want it?
- "want what?
- "what are we doing here?
- "who the fuck are you?

and what about the dyslexic athiest who refuse to believe in "Dog" ????

...and finally

a guy goes to the doctor for his test results

Doctor - " I've some good news, and bad news
Patient - "what's the bad news?
Doctor - "you've got AIDS
Patient - "fucking hell! what's the good news?
Doctor - "you've also got Alzheimer's
Patient - " you tell me that i've got AIDS, then you tell me having Alzheimers is GOOD news - how the fuck do you make that out?
Doctor - "Well, you'll have forgotten everything I've told you by this afternoon

<B><font color=#ff7f00>Brenski</B> wrote:

and what about the dyslexic athiest who refuse to believe in "Dog" ????

I had heard about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic who stayed up all night wondering if there was a DOG......heh

Best Peter Kay One Liners

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, "Thyroid
problem?"

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realised, God doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to
forgive me

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
swimming.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I
ordered French toast during the Renaissance

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names but
one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break
my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it
was sticks and stones all the way

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why
he got thrown out of the fire brigade

Sex is like a game of bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you'd
better have a good hand

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said
'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough'

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of
meat?

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
give the wrong answers

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither.

looool

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the
inevitable, when all of a sudden...

Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet". "Si,
Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee". So, with renewed strength, they
struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a
tree, just loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture,
there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable
kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!! "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees
a bacon tree". "Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert,
don'forget". "Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of
bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree". And with that...Luis races
towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely
behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut
down is his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend
that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath. "Pepe...go
back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree" "Luis, Luis mi
amigo...what ees eet?" "Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....



Ees


Ees...





"Ees, a Ham Bush"