FLORIDA OR MOON...
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking and one blonde says to the other: "Which do you think is farther away Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says: "Hellooooo, can you see Florida.....?????"
CAR TROUBLE...
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works! on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET...
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK...
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
KNITTING...
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN...
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook! their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know, we're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM...
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
WATCH OUT FOR THE DOGS...
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "Hellllllllooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought that she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said: "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs."
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you need to get out more Ben, though they are funny. blonde jokes are always good.
im blonde.
not funny.
not funny.
no jk this ones the best one---
BLONDE ON THE SUN...
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook! their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know, we're going at night!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN...
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook! their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know, we're going at night!"
In a bar there's a ventriloquist with a puppet on his lap. His whole program is telling blonde jokes.
Almost at the end of the show a blonde woman stands up and is very upset:
"Sir, you have been making jokes of me the whole time. It's unacceptable and rude."
The artist is stunned, he says in his real voice:
"I beg your pardon, miss. I didn't want to hurt you."
The blonde woman:
"I didn't speak to you, I spoke to the little asshole on your lap."
Almost at the end of the show a blonde woman stands up and is very upset:
"Sir, you have been making jokes of me the whole time. It's unacceptable and rude."
The artist is stunned, he says in his real voice:
"I beg your pardon, miss. I didn't want to hurt you."
The blonde woman:
"I didn't speak to you, I spoke to the little asshole on your lap."
A Blonde, a brunette and a red-head were walking down the street. The brunette and the red-head weree making fun of the blonde, calling her stupid and such. The blonde got so upset that she told them that she would go home and study until she was smarter that them. So the blonde went home and studied for weeks and weeks and when she emerged, she exclaimed "I KNOW THE CAPITALS OF EVERY SINGLE COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!"
Her friends walking by said, "Okay then, what's the capital of England?"
"Capital E."
Her friends walking by said, "Okay then, what's the capital of England?"
"Capital E."
Paddy the Irishman shows Tracy the Blonde the L & R on his wellington boots, explaining that the L stood for Left and the R stood for Right as to not get confused. "Oh right" said the Blonde.... "That would explain the C & A label in my G-String!"
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]JamieSureWould wrote: [/QUOTENAME]no jk this ones the best one---
BLONDE ON THE SUN...
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook! their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know, we're going at night!" [/QUOTE]
I think this one is the best...
BLONDE ON THE SUN...
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook! their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know, we're going at night!" [/QUOTE]
I think this one is the best...
I'm a male blonde (natural)... but i'm not stupid :)
This one is kinda bad but:
Q. How do you sink a blonde?
A. Put a scratch & sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool
Q. How do you sink a blonde?
A. Put a scratch & sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool
LMFAO!!!! LOVE all of them.
This is my favorite one though.
CAR TROUBLE...
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works! on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
also...
In a bar there's a ventriloquist with a puppet on his lap. His whole program is telling blonde jokes.
Almost at the end of the show a blonde woman stands up and is very upset:
"Sir, you have been making jokes of me the whole time. It's unacceptable and rude."
The artist is stunned, he says in his real voice:
"I beg your pardon, miss. I didn't want to hurt you."
The blonde woman:
"I didn't speak to you, I spoke to the little asshole on your lap."
More, more! ;-)
This is my favorite one though.
CAR TROUBLE...
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works! on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
also...
In a bar there's a ventriloquist with a puppet on his lap. His whole program is telling blonde jokes.
Almost at the end of the show a blonde woman stands up and is very upset:
"Sir, you have been making jokes of me the whole time. It's unacceptable and rude."
The artist is stunned, he says in his real voice:
"I beg your pardon, miss. I didn't want to hurt you."
The blonde woman:
"I didn't speak to you, I spoke to the little asshole on your lap."
More, more! ;-)
3 blondes went for a walk and came across some tracks. The first blond said 'these look like bear tracks'. The seccond blonde says 'nah, they look more like deer tracks to me' The 3rd blonde says
'these are definetly fox tracks'.
Then they all got hit by a train.
A blonde goes into a shop, points to a tv and asks the bloke behind the counter 'can I buy that tv?' the bloke replies 'no, I dont sell stuff to blondes'.
She comes back the next day with her hair dyed brown and asks the bloke behind the counter if she can buy the tv. The bloke says 'sorry, I still dont sell stuff to blondes' The blonde replies 'how did you know im blonde' He replies 'cos thats a fuckin microwave'
'these are definetly fox tracks'.
Then they all got hit by a train.
A blonde goes into a shop, points to a tv and asks the bloke behind the counter 'can I buy that tv?' the bloke replies 'no, I dont sell stuff to blondes'.
She comes back the next day with her hair dyed brown and asks the bloke behind the counter if she can buy the tv. The bloke says 'sorry, I still dont sell stuff to blondes' The blonde replies 'how did you know im blonde' He replies 'cos thats a fuckin microwave'
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Rockyuk wrote: [/QUOTENAME]3 blondes went for a walk and came across some tracks. The first blond said 'these look like bear tracks'. The seccond blonde says 'nah, they look more like deer tracks to me' The 3rd blonde says
'these are definetly fox tracks'.
Then they all got hit by a train.
A blonde goes into a shop, points to a tv and asks the bloke behind the counter 'can I buy that tv?' the bloke replies 'no, I dont sell stuff to blondes'.
She comes back the next day with her hair dyed brown and asks the bloke behind the counter if she can buy the tv. The bloke says 'sorry, I still dont sell stuff to blondes' The blonde replies 'how did you know im blonde' He replies 'cos thats a fuckin microwave'
[/QUOTE]
LMFAO! ;-)
'these are definetly fox tracks'.
Then they all got hit by a train.
A blonde goes into a shop, points to a tv and asks the bloke behind the counter 'can I buy that tv?' the bloke replies 'no, I dont sell stuff to blondes'.
She comes back the next day with her hair dyed brown and asks the bloke behind the counter if she can buy the tv. The bloke says 'sorry, I still dont sell stuff to blondes' The blonde replies 'how did you know im blonde' He replies 'cos thats a fuckin microwave'
[/QUOTE]
LMFAO! ;-)
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Arlene R. Weiss wrote: [/QUOTENAME]LMFAO! ;-)[/QUOTE]
Shhhhhhh... Your disturbing the other people in the library.
Shhhhhhh... Your disturbing the other people in the library.
Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
It means "toes go in first"
A blonde, brunnette and a red head were in a corporate office elevator (lift to you Brits) and they all look on the floor and see cum.
The brunnette looks at it and says "it looks like cum."
The red head crouches down and sniffs it. "It smells like cum."
The blonde goes down and tastes it. "It's nobody on this floor."
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
They kept throwing out all the W's.
It means "toes go in first"
A blonde, brunnette and a red head were in a corporate office elevator (lift to you Brits) and they all look on the floor and see cum.
The brunnette looks at it and says "it looks like cum."
The red head crouches down and sniffs it. "It smells like cum."
The blonde goes down and tastes it. "It's nobody on this floor."
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
They kept throwing out all the W's.