Fatty, got to talk to you!

Fatty, this is urgent, so let me say this while you are still here as your appearances seem to be few and far between these days. I need your help. Seeing as how you you are a published author and everything, could you help out a fellow fat Scottish writer and read the first two chapters of my novel? Once it's finished, and if you like it, and if it's not too much trouble, I would very much appreciate it if you could put in a good word for it with your publisher. Link in sig.
Thanks in advance,
Munchsack!
xxx

Hello Munchbag.

I didn't realise you were fat and Scottish too. In fact there's a good chance you might be me and I just haven't figured it out yet.

I will have a look at your website but I can't make any promises with regards to getting your work published. The people I work for only deal in Scottish interest books and certainly not fiction.

fatty.

I think that Munchsack has the hots for fatty.

Yeah but her guide dog keeps growling at me.

fatty

Munchshack is a post-op?

Here's my advice.

Write letters to every agent and publisher who seems even vaguely suitable. You can get their names and addresses from The Writers' and Artists' Yearbook. Your library will have a copy.

Never send synopses or sample chapters straight off. If they write back and say you should have you can then send them, "as requested", always sounds better. Plus it encourages them to actually get in touch with you with something more than another form letter.

Always include SAEs in all correspondence, of course, so they don't have to pay to write back to you.

Never be afraid of selling your book. In your pitch letter, hype up its best qualities.

Of course, none of this has worked for me yet, but one of these days...

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]fatty wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Yeah but her guide dog keeps growling at me.

fatty[/QUOTE]

Aye, ye got a face like a well skelped erse.

That was so funny when Pieter had to give the phone to you in Florida bc I couldn't understand him!! I hope he doesn't get pissed at me.

:)

Thanks fatty! You're the best.
P.S. Whit's this aboot me being a post-op?

Yeah you told me you were thin...

No, I do not. Fatty is a married man and I am an upstanding citizen of the community. I would never do anything like that.

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Lisser wrote: [/QUOTENAME]That was so funny when Pieter had to give the phone to you in Florida bc I couldn't understand him!! I hope he doesn't get pissed at me.

:)[/QUOTE]

Woman..his accent ain't even that strong. I wish you could hear a Glaswegian! ;-D

I wouldn't wish that on anyone

fatty.

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Erin wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Lisser wrote: [/QUOTENAME]That was so funny when Pieter had to give the phone to you in Florida bc I couldn't understand him!! I hope he doesn't get pissed at me.

:)[/QUOTE]

Woman..his accent ain't even that strong. I wish you could hear a Glaswegian! ;-D[/QUOTE]

What in the haaeelll is a Glaswegian? Are they on Star Wars?

They make Tusken Raiders look sophisticated.

fatty.