[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Asterik wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Queen are the Champions wrote: [/QUOTENAME] I like that vilanelle! I always like a good love poem :)
QUOTE]
I love to write vilanelles, they are very seductive with the repeated refrain.[/QUOTE]
I love to read vilanelles. The way the lines come together in the end....Feel free to share more!
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Posts in chronological order
Don't worry, a deal's a deal, I was just deciding which poem to post. So here we go. I wish I had a love poem to post instead though!!
A Day of Darkness
awakening on the blackest of days
instantly enveloped by the shadowy haze
the spell has lifted, ignorance faded
reality darker than any hell hole's shaded
blinded eyes now can see
the truth the way it ought to be
masks untied, the costumes fall
fake smiles aside, your bluff I call
knives revealed in helping hands
enemies pose as friends across the lands
selfish intentions of the world caught
backs turned when a battle is fought
left and right the betrayal soars
day and night the thick blood pours
alone on the day you promised we'd share
the silent house empty, the table bare
to myself the traditional song I sing
wrapped in the doleful feelings it brings
lamentable thoughts bring a heart-rending scene
pointless tears blur the tv screen
as the moon ascends, the spell re-settles
twinkling stars dim, my eyes left nettled
the day of enlightenment fades away
two-faced mind games come back into play
phony appologies soar into flight
deceit returns, masks back in place tight
the knowledge is gone as if it never was
the trickery is back solely because
this lonely day of truth comes just once a year
I'll see it again when my next birthday is here
A Day of Darkness
awakening on the blackest of days
instantly enveloped by the shadowy haze
the spell has lifted, ignorance faded
reality darker than any hell hole's shaded
blinded eyes now can see
the truth the way it ought to be
masks untied, the costumes fall
fake smiles aside, your bluff I call
knives revealed in helping hands
enemies pose as friends across the lands
selfish intentions of the world caught
backs turned when a battle is fought
left and right the betrayal soars
day and night the thick blood pours
alone on the day you promised we'd share
the silent house empty, the table bare
to myself the traditional song I sing
wrapped in the doleful feelings it brings
lamentable thoughts bring a heart-rending scene
pointless tears blur the tv screen
as the moon ascends, the spell re-settles
twinkling stars dim, my eyes left nettled
the day of enlightenment fades away
two-faced mind games come back into play
phony appologies soar into flight
deceit returns, masks back in place tight
the knowledge is gone as if it never was
the trickery is back solely because
this lonely day of truth comes just once a year
I'll see it again when my next birthday is here
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Queen are the Champions wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Don't worry, a deal's a deal, I was just deciding which poem to post. So here we go. I wish I had a love poem to post instead though!!
A Day of Darkness
awakening on the blackest of days
instantly enveloped by the shadowy haze
the spell has lifted, ignorance faded
reality darker than any hell hole's shaded
blinded eyes now can see
the truth the way it ought to be
masks untied, the costumes fall
fake smiles aside, your bluff I call
knives revealed in helping hands
enemies pose as friends across the lands
selfish intentions of the world caught
backs turned when a battle is fought
left and right the betrayal soars
day and night the thick blood pours
alone on the day you promised we'd share
the silent house empty, the table bare
to myself the traditional song I sing
wrapped in the doleful feelings it brings
lamentable thoughts bring a heart-rending scene
pointless tears blur the tv screen
as the moon ascends, the spell re-settles
twinkling stars dim, my eyes left nettled
the day of enlightenment fades away
two-faced mind games come back into play
phony appologies soar into flight
deceit returns, masks back in place tight
the knowledge is gone as if it never was
the trickery is back solely because
this lonely day of truth comes just once a year
I'll see it again when my next birthday is here[/QUOTE]
That is quite lovely... :) GORGEOUS!
A Day of Darkness
awakening on the blackest of days
instantly enveloped by the shadowy haze
the spell has lifted, ignorance faded
reality darker than any hell hole's shaded
blinded eyes now can see
the truth the way it ought to be
masks untied, the costumes fall
fake smiles aside, your bluff I call
knives revealed in helping hands
enemies pose as friends across the lands
selfish intentions of the world caught
backs turned when a battle is fought
left and right the betrayal soars
day and night the thick blood pours
alone on the day you promised we'd share
the silent house empty, the table bare
to myself the traditional song I sing
wrapped in the doleful feelings it brings
lamentable thoughts bring a heart-rending scene
pointless tears blur the tv screen
as the moon ascends, the spell re-settles
twinkling stars dim, my eyes left nettled
the day of enlightenment fades away
two-faced mind games come back into play
phony appologies soar into flight
deceit returns, masks back in place tight
the knowledge is gone as if it never was
the trickery is back solely because
this lonely day of truth comes just once a year
I'll see it again when my next birthday is here[/QUOTE]
That is quite lovely... :) GORGEOUS!
^aaaw, shucks! THANK YOU!!!!
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Queen are the Champions wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Don't worry, a deal's a deal, I was just deciding which poem to post. So here we go. I wish I had a love poem to post instead though!!
A Day of Darkness
awakening on the blackest of days
instantly enveloped by the shadowy haze
the spell has lifted, ignorance faded
reality darker than any hell hole's shaded
blinded eyes now can see
the truth the way it ought to be
masks untied, the costumes fall
fake smiles aside, your bluff I call
knives revealed in helping hands
enemies pose as friends across the lands
selfish intentions of the world caught
backs turned when a battle is fought
left and right the betrayal soars
day and night the thick blood pours
alone on the day you promised we'd share
the silent house empty, the table bare
to myself the traditional song I sing
wrapped in the doleful feelings it brings
lamentable thoughts bring a heart-rending scene
pointless tears blur the tv screen
as the moon ascends, the spell re-settles
twinkling stars dim, my eyes left nettled
the day of enlightenment fades away
two-faced mind games come back into play
phony appologies soar into flight
deceit returns, masks back in place tight
the knowledge is gone as if it never was
the trickery is back solely because
this lonely day of truth comes just once a year
I'll see it again when my next birthday is here[/QUOTE]
wow, this one i could see being a song actually, like it flashed in my head...
this was another well crafted piece my dear!
A Day of Darkness
awakening on the blackest of days
instantly enveloped by the shadowy haze
the spell has lifted, ignorance faded
reality darker than any hell hole's shaded
blinded eyes now can see
the truth the way it ought to be
masks untied, the costumes fall
fake smiles aside, your bluff I call
knives revealed in helping hands
enemies pose as friends across the lands
selfish intentions of the world caught
backs turned when a battle is fought
left and right the betrayal soars
day and night the thick blood pours
alone on the day you promised we'd share
the silent house empty, the table bare
to myself the traditional song I sing
wrapped in the doleful feelings it brings
lamentable thoughts bring a heart-rending scene
pointless tears blur the tv screen
as the moon ascends, the spell re-settles
twinkling stars dim, my eyes left nettled
the day of enlightenment fades away
two-faced mind games come back into play
phony appologies soar into flight
deceit returns, masks back in place tight
the knowledge is gone as if it never was
the trickery is back solely because
this lonely day of truth comes just once a year
I'll see it again when my next birthday is here[/QUOTE]
wow, this one i could see being a song actually, like it flashed in my head...
this was another well crafted piece my dear!
*blushes* omg, a SONG! really? And you saw it in your head? wow! Aaaw, DreaminQueen you are much too kind!!! THANK YOU!!!! I'm really glad you liked it!
Heres a thing I wrote for composition; The assignment was to describe 3 types of candies so I decided to give it a twist and have fun with the ruskies while I was at it
Waking up with a yawn, Lenin gazed over his vast soviet empire. Heading down to his grand dining hall in Groznyj Grad, he ignored his multiplicity of comrades’ praises. Seeing the hammer and sickle above his table pleased him. Embossed CCCP letters suffused his wall.
“If only those capitalist pigs could see me now.” He thought.
Seating himself at his table, he praised, “now time for a grand candy breakfast!”
Glancing at where there should be three, he saw two. The sight greatly distraught him. At his left he saw M&Ms. To his right were Reeses Pieces. Glancing to the empty bowl in the center he exclaimed, “Where are my SKITTLES?!”
Stalin stepped forward and said, “Great Leader, you ate the last of the skittles last night.”
“But I had my heart set on skittles,” Lenin moaned, “now I’ll have to choose between Reeses Pieces and M&Ms.”
“In my humble opinion,” Stalin said, “you should have the M&Ms”
Suddenly Trotsky ran forward and cried, “No! The dictator’s affinity for peanut butter well outweighs the chocolate inside of an M&M.”
“Yes but neither one can compare to the sweet sugary delight of skittles,” Lenin interjected.
Then Colonel Volgin interrupted, “But the peanut butter inside the crunchy candy shell should compensate for the lack of sugar.”
Sprinting towards the dining table, Nikita Kruschev interrupted, “but my lord! The mundane orange, brown and yellow doesn’t compare to the chocolaty rainbow created by the M&M’s.”
“But Sir Lenin!” Stalin interjected, “M&M’s are guaranteed to melt in your mouth, not in your hand! The Reeses Pieces would surely melt before they reached your lips!”
“What!?” Lenin wailed and pointed to Trotsky screamed, “because of you I almost ate bad candy! You shall be executed!”
In shame, Trotsky was taken away by the executioner. Lenin happily inhaled the bowl of M&M’s. Trying to savor the chocolaty delight of the M&M’s he soon found himself longing peanut butter.
Soon, news rang throughout the Soviet Union about how Lenin had eaten bad candy. When the news rached Trotsky in his cell, the jailer said, “You were right! Now Lenin will have no choice but to forgive you!”
“No,” Trotsky sighed, “I will be executed.”
Back at the CCCP dining hall, Lenin and his comrades lamented overt the situation.
“I’ve imprisioned a just man,” Lenin wept, “and had bad candy because of it. My only hope is to bring him back here and ask him to forgive my rash behavior.”
Suddenly Stalin stepped forward and said, “Oh but when he heard of this tragic incident he jumped up, clapped his hands and said ‘Ha! I knew it! He has eaten bad candy and it’s all because he neglected my advice!’”
“WHAT?!” Lenin screamed, “Have Trotsky executed immediately!”
Trotsky was taken off and shot by a firing squad, having died on the day he predicted his own death. Soon, the chocolate from the M&M’s built up inside Lenin’s arteries and he died of a heart attack. Stalin was left as the heir to the Soviet Union to begin his reign of terror. That is how Joseph Stalin rose to power
Waking up with a yawn, Lenin gazed over his vast soviet empire. Heading down to his grand dining hall in Groznyj Grad, he ignored his multiplicity of comrades’ praises. Seeing the hammer and sickle above his table pleased him. Embossed CCCP letters suffused his wall.
“If only those capitalist pigs could see me now.” He thought.
Seating himself at his table, he praised, “now time for a grand candy breakfast!”
Glancing at where there should be three, he saw two. The sight greatly distraught him. At his left he saw M&Ms. To his right were Reeses Pieces. Glancing to the empty bowl in the center he exclaimed, “Where are my SKITTLES?!”
Stalin stepped forward and said, “Great Leader, you ate the last of the skittles last night.”
“But I had my heart set on skittles,” Lenin moaned, “now I’ll have to choose between Reeses Pieces and M&Ms.”
“In my humble opinion,” Stalin said, “you should have the M&Ms”
Suddenly Trotsky ran forward and cried, “No! The dictator’s affinity for peanut butter well outweighs the chocolate inside of an M&M.”
“Yes but neither one can compare to the sweet sugary delight of skittles,” Lenin interjected.
Then Colonel Volgin interrupted, “But the peanut butter inside the crunchy candy shell should compensate for the lack of sugar.”
Sprinting towards the dining table, Nikita Kruschev interrupted, “but my lord! The mundane orange, brown and yellow doesn’t compare to the chocolaty rainbow created by the M&M’s.”
“But Sir Lenin!” Stalin interjected, “M&M’s are guaranteed to melt in your mouth, not in your hand! The Reeses Pieces would surely melt before they reached your lips!”
“What!?” Lenin wailed and pointed to Trotsky screamed, “because of you I almost ate bad candy! You shall be executed!”
In shame, Trotsky was taken away by the executioner. Lenin happily inhaled the bowl of M&M’s. Trying to savor the chocolaty delight of the M&M’s he soon found himself longing peanut butter.
Soon, news rang throughout the Soviet Union about how Lenin had eaten bad candy. When the news rached Trotsky in his cell, the jailer said, “You were right! Now Lenin will have no choice but to forgive you!”
“No,” Trotsky sighed, “I will be executed.”
Back at the CCCP dining hall, Lenin and his comrades lamented overt the situation.
“I’ve imprisioned a just man,” Lenin wept, “and had bad candy because of it. My only hope is to bring him back here and ask him to forgive my rash behavior.”
Suddenly Stalin stepped forward and said, “Oh but when he heard of this tragic incident he jumped up, clapped his hands and said ‘Ha! I knew it! He has eaten bad candy and it’s all because he neglected my advice!’”
“WHAT?!” Lenin screamed, “Have Trotsky executed immediately!”
Trotsky was taken off and shot by a firing squad, having died on the day he predicted his own death. Soon, the chocolate from the M&M’s built up inside Lenin’s arteries and he died of a heart attack. Stalin was left as the heir to the Soviet Union to begin his reign of terror. That is how Joseph Stalin rose to power
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]The Artist Formerly Known As Paul JR wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Heres a thing I wrote for composition; The assignment was to describe 3 types of candies so I decided to give it a twist and have fun with the ruskies while I was at it
Waking up with a yawn, Lenin gazed over his vast soviet empire. Heading down to his grand dining hall in Groznyj Grad, he ignored his multiplicity of comrades’ praises. Seeing the hammer and sickle above his table pleased him. Embossed CCCP letters suffused his wall.
“If only those capitalist pigs could see me now.” He thought.
Seating himself at his table, he praised, “now time for a grand candy breakfast!”
Glancing at where there should be three, he saw two. The sight greatly distraught him. At his left he saw M&Ms. To his right were Reeses Pieces. Glancing to the empty bowl in the center he exclaimed, “Where are my SKITTLES?!”
Stalin stepped forward and said, “Great Leader, you ate the last of the skittles last night.”
“But I had my heart set on skittles,” Lenin moaned, “now I’ll have to choose between Reeses Pieces and M&Ms.”
“In my humble opinion,” Stalin said, “you should have the M&Ms”
Suddenly Trotsky ran forward and cried, “No! The dictator’s affinity for peanut butter well outweighs the chocolate inside of an M&M.”
“Yes but neither one can compare to the sweet sugary delight of skittles,” Lenin interjected.
Then Colonel Volgin interrupted, “But the peanut butter inside the crunchy candy shell should compensate for the lack of sugar.”
Sprinting towards the dining table, Nikita Kruschev interrupted, “but my lord! The mundane orange, brown and yellow doesn’t compare to the chocolaty rainbow created by the M&M’s.”
“But Sir Lenin!” Stalin interjected, “M&M’s are guaranteed to melt in your mouth, not in your hand! The Reeses Pieces would surely melt before they reached your lips!”
“What!?” Lenin wailed and pointed to Trotsky screamed, “because of you I almost ate bad candy! You shall be executed!”
In shame, Trotsky was taken away by the executioner. Lenin happily inhaled the bowl of M&M’s. Trying to savor the chocolaty delight of the M&M’s he soon found himself longing peanut butter.
Soon, news rang throughout the Soviet Union about how Lenin had eaten bad candy. When the news rached Trotsky in his cell, the jailer said, “You were right! Now Lenin will have no choice but to forgive you!”
“No,” Trotsky sighed, “I will be executed.”
Back at the CCCP dining hall, Lenin and his comrades lamented overt the situation.
“I’ve imprisioned a just man,” Lenin wept, “and had bad candy because of it. My only hope is to bring him back here and ask him to forgive my rash behavior.”
Suddenly Stalin stepped forward and said, “Oh but when he heard of this tragic incident he jumped up, clapped his hands and said ‘Ha! I knew it! He has eaten bad candy and it’s all because he neglected my advice!’”
“WHAT?!” Lenin screamed, “Have Trotsky executed immediately!”
Trotsky was taken off and shot by a firing squad, having died on the day he predicted his own death. Soon, the chocolate from the M&M’s built up inside Lenin’s arteries and he died of a heart attack. Stalin was left as the heir to the Soviet Union to begin his reign of terror. That is how Joseph Stalin rose to power
[/QUOTE]
Dude, OMFG! YOU ARE GENIOUS! HAHA! I LOVED IT! F-ing awesome!
Waking up with a yawn, Lenin gazed over his vast soviet empire. Heading down to his grand dining hall in Groznyj Grad, he ignored his multiplicity of comrades’ praises. Seeing the hammer and sickle above his table pleased him. Embossed CCCP letters suffused his wall.
“If only those capitalist pigs could see me now.” He thought.
Seating himself at his table, he praised, “now time for a grand candy breakfast!”
Glancing at where there should be three, he saw two. The sight greatly distraught him. At his left he saw M&Ms. To his right were Reeses Pieces. Glancing to the empty bowl in the center he exclaimed, “Where are my SKITTLES?!”
Stalin stepped forward and said, “Great Leader, you ate the last of the skittles last night.”
“But I had my heart set on skittles,” Lenin moaned, “now I’ll have to choose between Reeses Pieces and M&Ms.”
“In my humble opinion,” Stalin said, “you should have the M&Ms”
Suddenly Trotsky ran forward and cried, “No! The dictator’s affinity for peanut butter well outweighs the chocolate inside of an M&M.”
“Yes but neither one can compare to the sweet sugary delight of skittles,” Lenin interjected.
Then Colonel Volgin interrupted, “But the peanut butter inside the crunchy candy shell should compensate for the lack of sugar.”
Sprinting towards the dining table, Nikita Kruschev interrupted, “but my lord! The mundane orange, brown and yellow doesn’t compare to the chocolaty rainbow created by the M&M’s.”
“But Sir Lenin!” Stalin interjected, “M&M’s are guaranteed to melt in your mouth, not in your hand! The Reeses Pieces would surely melt before they reached your lips!”
“What!?” Lenin wailed and pointed to Trotsky screamed, “because of you I almost ate bad candy! You shall be executed!”
In shame, Trotsky was taken away by the executioner. Lenin happily inhaled the bowl of M&M’s. Trying to savor the chocolaty delight of the M&M’s he soon found himself longing peanut butter.
Soon, news rang throughout the Soviet Union about how Lenin had eaten bad candy. When the news rached Trotsky in his cell, the jailer said, “You were right! Now Lenin will have no choice but to forgive you!”
“No,” Trotsky sighed, “I will be executed.”
Back at the CCCP dining hall, Lenin and his comrades lamented overt the situation.
“I’ve imprisioned a just man,” Lenin wept, “and had bad candy because of it. My only hope is to bring him back here and ask him to forgive my rash behavior.”
Suddenly Stalin stepped forward and said, “Oh but when he heard of this tragic incident he jumped up, clapped his hands and said ‘Ha! I knew it! He has eaten bad candy and it’s all because he neglected my advice!’”
“WHAT?!” Lenin screamed, “Have Trotsky executed immediately!”
Trotsky was taken off and shot by a firing squad, having died on the day he predicted his own death. Soon, the chocolate from the M&M’s built up inside Lenin’s arteries and he died of a heart attack. Stalin was left as the heir to the Soviet Union to begin his reign of terror. That is how Joseph Stalin rose to power
[/QUOTE]
Dude, OMFG! YOU ARE GENIOUS! HAHA! I LOVED IT! F-ing awesome!
^ I agree...it was quite entertaining xD xD
Thank you two; Its not supposed to be offensive, just a reminder of the effects of cold medicine
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]The Artist Formerly Known As Paul JR wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Thank you two; Its not supposed to be offensive, just a reminder of the effects of cold medicine[/QUOTE]
Not offensive at all...haha...cold medicine... xD
Not offensive at all...haha...cold medicine... xD
OK, heres my process paper on how to make a Penut Butter and Jelly sandwich; it is written as though I am talking to an idiot
How to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
A great way to start would be to make sure you have ingredients, which would mean you’d want a refrigerator in your proximity. Since there would be a refrigerator, you would likely be in a kitchen. Have you found your kitchen? Good, you’ve passed the first test.
Now time for ingredients, do you have bread? That is a must. Peanut butter and jelly would be a good idea (hence the name ‘peanut butter and jelly sandwich). What brand you use reflects personal taste as in whether you use chunky or smooth peanut butter. Since there are several flavors of jelly, you will want to choose between the traditional grape or possibly a strawberry flavor (it’s your sandwich, get mint if you’d like).
Great, you now have some ingredients. Since we need to spread the peanut butter and jelly, you will want a butter knife, rubber scraper or a spoon. Now take your utensil and dig a giant scoop of your peanut butter and slap it generously onto the bread. Use the utensil to even out the wear. Rinse and repeat for jelly.
OK, you are now at the difficult step. Remember all the books in school? Good, now put the slices of topped bread side by side and slam them together to appear akin to a closed book. Make sure that the bread edges are congruent, you are too good for overlapping.
Now that you have your sandwich made, it’s time for mastication (yes, mastication you perv). I would recommend that you insert a corner of the sandwich into your mouth, then bite. Now that you have a bit of sandwich in your mouth, you should chew. Whether you use your molars or front teeth to chew is up to you. When you believe that your piece is ground up enough, swallow. Rinse and repeat until sandwich is consumed.
However, if your jaw is broken, wired shut or incapacitated in any way, you may want to put it into a blender with water. Set your blender to liquefy and hold the cover on to avoid an enormous mess. Pour into cup and enjoy via a straw.
Now the worst part, clean up. If you live alone or with somebody incredibly lazy, you will have to clean up yourself by putting the lids on the jars, closing the bread bag and wiping crumbs into a waste removal bin. However, if you share a flat or are married, I have a much better option!
On your last piece of sandwich, pretend to choke and fall to the ground. Feigned convulsions are recommended. This will prompt your living associate to drop what they’re doing to rush to your aid. Motion that you’re choking and make a C with your index and thumb and motion for water. When the unsuspecting fool gives you water, pretend that it washed your sandwich down. Now is the time when acting experience comes in handy. Pretend to be traumatized by the recent event and sit on a couch or chair with your face in your hands. The other individual will hopefully feel sorry for you and clean up after you. If not, you might want to consider moving.
Now that you have eaten your sandwich and cleaned up too, remember that this is not limited to peanut butter and jelly. Feel free to try ham and cheese, ham and sauerkraut or anything that may tickle your fancy. But remember, get some acting experience before cleanup!
How to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
A great way to start would be to make sure you have ingredients, which would mean you’d want a refrigerator in your proximity. Since there would be a refrigerator, you would likely be in a kitchen. Have you found your kitchen? Good, you’ve passed the first test.
Now time for ingredients, do you have bread? That is a must. Peanut butter and jelly would be a good idea (hence the name ‘peanut butter and jelly sandwich). What brand you use reflects personal taste as in whether you use chunky or smooth peanut butter. Since there are several flavors of jelly, you will want to choose between the traditional grape or possibly a strawberry flavor (it’s your sandwich, get mint if you’d like).
Great, you now have some ingredients. Since we need to spread the peanut butter and jelly, you will want a butter knife, rubber scraper or a spoon. Now take your utensil and dig a giant scoop of your peanut butter and slap it generously onto the bread. Use the utensil to even out the wear. Rinse and repeat for jelly.
OK, you are now at the difficult step. Remember all the books in school? Good, now put the slices of topped bread side by side and slam them together to appear akin to a closed book. Make sure that the bread edges are congruent, you are too good for overlapping.
Now that you have your sandwich made, it’s time for mastication (yes, mastication you perv). I would recommend that you insert a corner of the sandwich into your mouth, then bite. Now that you have a bit of sandwich in your mouth, you should chew. Whether you use your molars or front teeth to chew is up to you. When you believe that your piece is ground up enough, swallow. Rinse and repeat until sandwich is consumed.
However, if your jaw is broken, wired shut or incapacitated in any way, you may want to put it into a blender with water. Set your blender to liquefy and hold the cover on to avoid an enormous mess. Pour into cup and enjoy via a straw.
Now the worst part, clean up. If you live alone or with somebody incredibly lazy, you will have to clean up yourself by putting the lids on the jars, closing the bread bag and wiping crumbs into a waste removal bin. However, if you share a flat or are married, I have a much better option!
On your last piece of sandwich, pretend to choke and fall to the ground. Feigned convulsions are recommended. This will prompt your living associate to drop what they’re doing to rush to your aid. Motion that you’re choking and make a C with your index and thumb and motion for water. When the unsuspecting fool gives you water, pretend that it washed your sandwich down. Now is the time when acting experience comes in handy. Pretend to be traumatized by the recent event and sit on a couch or chair with your face in your hands. The other individual will hopefully feel sorry for you and clean up after you. If not, you might want to consider moving.
Now that you have eaten your sandwich and cleaned up too, remember that this is not limited to peanut butter and jelly. Feel free to try ham and cheese, ham and sauerkraut or anything that may tickle your fancy. But remember, get some acting experience before cleanup!
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]The Artist Formerly Known As Paul JR wrote: [/QUOTENAME]OK, heres my process paper on how to make a Penut Butter and Jelly sandwich; it is written as though I am talking to an idiot
How to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
A great way to start would be to make sure you have ingredients, which would mean you’d want a refrigerator in your proximity. Since there would be a refrigerator, you would likely be in a kitchen. Have you found your kitchen? Good, you’ve passed the first test.
Now time for ingredients, do you have bread? That is a must. Peanut butter and jelly would be a good idea (hence the name ‘peanut butter and jelly sandwich). What brand you use reflects personal taste as in whether you use chunky or smooth peanut butter. Since there are several flavors of jelly, you will want to choose between the traditional grape or possibly a strawberry flavor (it’s your sandwich, get mint if you’d like).
Great, you now have some ingredients. Since we need to spread the peanut butter and jelly, you will want a butter knife, rubber scraper or a spoon. Now take your utensil and dig a giant scoop of your peanut butter and slap it generously onto the bread. Use the utensil to even out the wear. Rinse and repeat for jelly.
OK, you are now at the difficult step. Remember all the books in school? Good, now put the slices of topped bread side by side and slam them together to appear akin to a closed book. Make sure that the bread edges are congruent, you are too good for overlapping.
Now that you have your sandwich made, it’s time for mastication (yes, mastication you perv). I would recommend that you insert a corner of the sandwich into your mouth, then bite. Now that you have a bit of sandwich in your mouth, you should chew. Whether you use your molars or front teeth to chew is up to you. When you believe that your piece is ground up enough, swallow. Rinse and repeat until sandwich is consumed.
However, if your jaw is broken, wired shut or incapacitated in any way, you may want to put it into a blender with water. Set your blender to liquefy and hold the cover on to avoid an enormous mess. Pour into cup and enjoy via a straw.
Now the worst part, clean up. If you live alone or with somebody incredibly lazy, you will have to clean up yourself by putting the lids on the jars, closing the bread bag and wiping crumbs into a waste removal bin. However, if you share a flat or are married, I have a much better option!
On your last piece of sandwich, pretend to choke and fall to the ground. Feigned convulsions are recommended. This will prompt your living associate to drop what they’re doing to rush to your aid. Motion that you’re choking and make a C with your index and thumb and motion for water. When the unsuspecting fool gives you water, pretend that it washed your sandwich down. Now is the time when acting experience comes in handy. Pretend to be traumatized by the recent event and sit on a couch or chair with your face in your hands. The other individual will hopefully feel sorry for you and clean up after you. If not, you might want to consider moving.
Now that you have eaten your sandwich and cleaned up too, remember that this is not limited to peanut butter and jelly. Feel free to try ham and cheese, ham and sauerkraut or anything that may tickle your fancy. But remember, get some acting experience before cleanup!
[/QUOTE]
*falls off bed, laughing* LMFAO!!! xD xD xD xD xD...this should be published...haha! ROFLMFAO!!!!!!
How to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
A great way to start would be to make sure you have ingredients, which would mean you’d want a refrigerator in your proximity. Since there would be a refrigerator, you would likely be in a kitchen. Have you found your kitchen? Good, you’ve passed the first test.
Now time for ingredients, do you have bread? That is a must. Peanut butter and jelly would be a good idea (hence the name ‘peanut butter and jelly sandwich). What brand you use reflects personal taste as in whether you use chunky or smooth peanut butter. Since there are several flavors of jelly, you will want to choose between the traditional grape or possibly a strawberry flavor (it’s your sandwich, get mint if you’d like).
Great, you now have some ingredients. Since we need to spread the peanut butter and jelly, you will want a butter knife, rubber scraper or a spoon. Now take your utensil and dig a giant scoop of your peanut butter and slap it generously onto the bread. Use the utensil to even out the wear. Rinse and repeat for jelly.
OK, you are now at the difficult step. Remember all the books in school? Good, now put the slices of topped bread side by side and slam them together to appear akin to a closed book. Make sure that the bread edges are congruent, you are too good for overlapping.
Now that you have your sandwich made, it’s time for mastication (yes, mastication you perv). I would recommend that you insert a corner of the sandwich into your mouth, then bite. Now that you have a bit of sandwich in your mouth, you should chew. Whether you use your molars or front teeth to chew is up to you. When you believe that your piece is ground up enough, swallow. Rinse and repeat until sandwich is consumed.
However, if your jaw is broken, wired shut or incapacitated in any way, you may want to put it into a blender with water. Set your blender to liquefy and hold the cover on to avoid an enormous mess. Pour into cup and enjoy via a straw.
Now the worst part, clean up. If you live alone or with somebody incredibly lazy, you will have to clean up yourself by putting the lids on the jars, closing the bread bag and wiping crumbs into a waste removal bin. However, if you share a flat or are married, I have a much better option!
On your last piece of sandwich, pretend to choke and fall to the ground. Feigned convulsions are recommended. This will prompt your living associate to drop what they’re doing to rush to your aid. Motion that you’re choking and make a C with your index and thumb and motion for water. When the unsuspecting fool gives you water, pretend that it washed your sandwich down. Now is the time when acting experience comes in handy. Pretend to be traumatized by the recent event and sit on a couch or chair with your face in your hands. The other individual will hopefully feel sorry for you and clean up after you. If not, you might want to consider moving.
Now that you have eaten your sandwich and cleaned up too, remember that this is not limited to peanut butter and jelly. Feel free to try ham and cheese, ham and sauerkraut or anything that may tickle your fancy. But remember, get some acting experience before cleanup!
[/QUOTE]
*falls off bed, laughing* LMFAO!!! xD xD xD xD xD...this should be published...haha! ROFLMFAO!!!!!!
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]<font color="FF0099">LetMeEntertainYou wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]The Artist Formerly Known As Paul JR wrote: [/QUOTENAME]OK, heres my process paper on how to make a Penut Butter and Jelly sandwich; it is written as though I am talking to an idiot
How to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
A great way to start would be to make sure you have ingredients, which would mean you’d want a refrigerator in your proximity. Since there would be a refrigerator, you would likely be in a kitchen. Have you found your kitchen? Good, you’ve passed the first test.
Now time for ingredients, do you have bread? That is a must. Peanut butter and jelly would be a good idea (hence the name ‘peanut butter and jelly sandwich). What brand you use reflects personal taste as in whether you use chunky or smooth peanut butter. Since there are several flavors of jelly, you will want to choose between the traditional grape or possibly a strawberry flavor (it’s your sandwich, get mint if you’d like).
Great, you now have some ingredients. Since we need to spread the peanut butter and jelly, you will want a butter knife, rubber scraper or a spoon. Now take your utensil and dig a giant scoop of your peanut butter and slap it generously onto the bread. Use the utensil to even out the wear. Rinse and repeat for jelly.
OK, you are now at the difficult step. Remember all the books in school? Good, now put the slices of topped bread side by side and slam them together to appear akin to a closed book. Make sure that the bread edges are congruent, you are too good for overlapping.
Now that you have your sandwich made, it’s time for mastication (yes, mastication you perv). I would recommend that you insert a corner of the sandwich into your mouth, then bite. Now that you have a bit of sandwich in your mouth, you should chew. Whether you use your molars or front teeth to chew is up to you. When you believe that your piece is ground up enough, swallow. Rinse and repeat until sandwich is consumed.
However, if your jaw is broken, wired shut or incapacitated in any way, you may want to put it into a blender with water. Set your blender to liquefy and hold the cover on to avoid an enormous mess. Pour into cup and enjoy via a straw.
Now the worst part, clean up. If you live alone or with somebody incredibly lazy, you will have to clean up yourself by putting the lids on the jars, closing the bread bag and wiping crumbs into a waste removal bin. However, if you share a flat or are married, I have a much better option!
On your last piece of sandwich, pretend to choke and fall to the ground. Feigned convulsions are recommended. This will prompt your living associate to drop what they’re doing to rush to your aid. Motion that you’re choking and make a C with your index and thumb and motion for water. When the unsuspecting fool gives you water, pretend that it washed your sandwich down. Now is the time when acting experience comes in handy. Pretend to be traumatized by the recent event and sit on a couch or chair with your face in your hands. The other individual will hopefully feel sorry for you and clean up after you. If not, you might want to consider moving.
Now that you have eaten your sandwich and cleaned up too, remember that this is not limited to peanut butter and jelly. Feel free to try ham and cheese, ham and sauerkraut or anything that may tickle your fancy. But remember, get some acting experience before cleanup!
[/QUOTE]
*falls off bed, laughing* LMFAO!!! xD xD xD xD xD...this should be published...haha! ROFLMFAO!!!!!![/QUOTE]
Oddly, you're not the first person who has said that :S
How to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
A great way to start would be to make sure you have ingredients, which would mean you’d want a refrigerator in your proximity. Since there would be a refrigerator, you would likely be in a kitchen. Have you found your kitchen? Good, you’ve passed the first test.
Now time for ingredients, do you have bread? That is a must. Peanut butter and jelly would be a good idea (hence the name ‘peanut butter and jelly sandwich). What brand you use reflects personal taste as in whether you use chunky or smooth peanut butter. Since there are several flavors of jelly, you will want to choose between the traditional grape or possibly a strawberry flavor (it’s your sandwich, get mint if you’d like).
Great, you now have some ingredients. Since we need to spread the peanut butter and jelly, you will want a butter knife, rubber scraper or a spoon. Now take your utensil and dig a giant scoop of your peanut butter and slap it generously onto the bread. Use the utensil to even out the wear. Rinse and repeat for jelly.
OK, you are now at the difficult step. Remember all the books in school? Good, now put the slices of topped bread side by side and slam them together to appear akin to a closed book. Make sure that the bread edges are congruent, you are too good for overlapping.
Now that you have your sandwich made, it’s time for mastication (yes, mastication you perv). I would recommend that you insert a corner of the sandwich into your mouth, then bite. Now that you have a bit of sandwich in your mouth, you should chew. Whether you use your molars or front teeth to chew is up to you. When you believe that your piece is ground up enough, swallow. Rinse and repeat until sandwich is consumed.
However, if your jaw is broken, wired shut or incapacitated in any way, you may want to put it into a blender with water. Set your blender to liquefy and hold the cover on to avoid an enormous mess. Pour into cup and enjoy via a straw.
Now the worst part, clean up. If you live alone or with somebody incredibly lazy, you will have to clean up yourself by putting the lids on the jars, closing the bread bag and wiping crumbs into a waste removal bin. However, if you share a flat or are married, I have a much better option!
On your last piece of sandwich, pretend to choke and fall to the ground. Feigned convulsions are recommended. This will prompt your living associate to drop what they’re doing to rush to your aid. Motion that you’re choking and make a C with your index and thumb and motion for water. When the unsuspecting fool gives you water, pretend that it washed your sandwich down. Now is the time when acting experience comes in handy. Pretend to be traumatized by the recent event and sit on a couch or chair with your face in your hands. The other individual will hopefully feel sorry for you and clean up after you. If not, you might want to consider moving.
Now that you have eaten your sandwich and cleaned up too, remember that this is not limited to peanut butter and jelly. Feel free to try ham and cheese, ham and sauerkraut or anything that may tickle your fancy. But remember, get some acting experience before cleanup!
[/QUOTE]
*falls off bed, laughing* LMFAO!!! xD xD xD xD xD...this should be published...haha! ROFLMFAO!!!!!![/QUOTE]
Oddly, you're not the first person who has said that :S
Can I put my 200 word paper on the Health Paradox of the 1920s?