I need to get this off my chest because I really haven't a clue what to do and I need some advice.
I've known for the past three years that my dad has a drink problem. Apparently it's been like this since I was a baby but I first became aware of it when I was eleven. At first I thought the best thing to do would be to stay out of it, but in the past year in particular it's become very bad. He's promised more times than I can count to get help, and he even tried going to a meeting before, but in the past year he seems to have decided he hasn't got a problem and has even started blaming the rest of us for it. I never told anyone in school about it. I haven't been able to concentrate on my school work in the past few months and my grades have slipped a bit. I've been kept awake at night listening to rows between my parents. I went to see the school guidance counsellor every week, sometimes even twice a week, and I thought things were going to change when she talked to my mum. My dad was made aware of everything, said he hadn't realised how bad he had made me feel and promised again to get help. But now it's worse than before. Every time I look at him he seems to be so drunk that he can barely stand. He refuses to even talk about it now.
Sorry for rambling a bit, but I just needed to let that out. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
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OMG! you poor thing. I have the same exact problem. My dad is a nearly-alchcolic and its driving my family mad! I just deal with it and dont ask people for help. I dunno what to do anymore though...im confused!
I hope that this problem will be solved in your family. I do feel very bad for you and can relate to your problem. I hope it works out. Perhaps if you go to therapy with your whole family..
The natural reaction to an alcoholic is trying to help and some families spend years and years trying to help and cover up.
The truth is that you cannot help. Your father has to get help by his own choice and the more the family helps and covers up, the longer it will take for him to admit to having a problem. Denial is more common for an alcoholic than any other drug addict. It sounds cruel but you have to abandon him and let him solve it by himself. There is counselling for families of alcoholics and they will tell you just the same. You must understand that there is nothing for you to be ashamed of. Alcoholism is a disease and nothing shameful. As long as you cannot move out and have to put up with the situation, try to distance yourself from it and don't let it ruin your life. I know it's easier said than done but it's the only way.
The truth is that you cannot help. Your father has to get help by his own choice and the more the family helps and covers up, the longer it will take for him to admit to having a problem. Denial is more common for an alcoholic than any other drug addict. It sounds cruel but you have to abandon him and let him solve it by himself. There is counselling for families of alcoholics and they will tell you just the same. You must understand that there is nothing for you to be ashamed of. Alcoholism is a disease and nothing shameful. As long as you cannot move out and have to put up with the situation, try to distance yourself from it and don't let it ruin your life. I know it's easier said than done but it's the only way.
That's awful! :'( I really, really hope things get better with your family. My dad didn't drink, but he used to fight a lot with my mom, and I kept hearing these rows at night, so I can relate.
Your family will be in my prayers.
Your family will be in my prayers.
here sarah,i have a similar situation here so if you ever wanna talk on msn,you know were I am.Im a good listener!keep the chin up
I dont know how to help with this problem specifically. But i've had a similar experience with an uncle of mine and drugs.
He also has minor "mental" problems, but they are completely controllable as long as he is willing to keep them that way. Hes done it before. But now its worse then ever and my families done everything under the sun to help him. And he j/ keeps on being a leech and manipulating everyone and lying.
Same thing with yourself hed say "no ill do better, I'm fine" etc etc, but we know the truth...And he doesnt care anymore. My best friends mom has the same problems. But shes cleaned herself up because my friend said she wouldnt talk to her again if she didnt clean herself up. And now shes on her last legs of rehab... Theres more to it, but this isnt about me, so i apologize for taking up so much space. but back to the issue at hand here...
At this point dear, the best thing i can say is you have gone to others asking for help. But maybe if in one of his moments of clarity if you sit down and talk to him about it, maybe he can see it a bit more if he hears it directly from his own flesh and blood. And if not then as hard as it is, is you will just have to some how let him go his own way. Because at that point once everyone has let him know that hes got a problem, its in his own hands to get help or not. Because in the case with my uncle, everyones doen everything under the sun to help him, but hes got to be able to help himself too.
But the most difficult thing is when youve reached that point and theres nothing more you can do.
But i hope things can work out for you. My thoughts, prayers and sympathies go out to you and your family completely my dear.
Good luck.
Feel free to email me anytime if you need to talk. I'm good for venting about anything.
He also has minor "mental" problems, but they are completely controllable as long as he is willing to keep them that way. Hes done it before. But now its worse then ever and my families done everything under the sun to help him. And he j/ keeps on being a leech and manipulating everyone and lying.
Same thing with yourself hed say "no ill do better, I'm fine" etc etc, but we know the truth...And he doesnt care anymore. My best friends mom has the same problems. But shes cleaned herself up because my friend said she wouldnt talk to her again if she didnt clean herself up. And now shes on her last legs of rehab... Theres more to it, but this isnt about me, so i apologize for taking up so much space. but back to the issue at hand here...
At this point dear, the best thing i can say is you have gone to others asking for help. But maybe if in one of his moments of clarity if you sit down and talk to him about it, maybe he can see it a bit more if he hears it directly from his own flesh and blood. And if not then as hard as it is, is you will just have to some how let him go his own way. Because at that point once everyone has let him know that hes got a problem, its in his own hands to get help or not. Because in the case with my uncle, everyones doen everything under the sun to help him, but hes got to be able to help himself too.
But the most difficult thing is when youve reached that point and theres nothing more you can do.
But i hope things can work out for you. My thoughts, prayers and sympathies go out to you and your family completely my dear.
Good luck.
Feel free to email me anytime if you need to talk. I'm good for venting about anything.
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]YourValentine wrote: [/QUOTENAME]The natural reaction to an alcoholic is trying to help and some families spend years and years trying to help and cover up.
The truth is that you cannot help. Your father has to get help by his own choice and the more the family helps and covers up, the longer it will take for him to admit to having a problem. Denial is more common for an alcoholic than any other drug addict. It sounds cruel but you have to abandon him and let him solve it by himself. There is counselling for families of alcoholics and they will tell you just the same. You must understand that there is nothing for you to be ashamed of. Alcoholism is a disease and nothing shameful. As long as you cannot move out and have to put up with the situation, try to distance yourself from it and don't let it ruin your life. I know it's easier said than done but it's the only way.[/QUOTE]
110 % truth here ... my own father was an alcoholic. you are not guilty, no shame, you can't help or solve his problem ! get him out as fast as possible. there is nothing more you can do. sorry to say that.
f.
The truth is that you cannot help. Your father has to get help by his own choice and the more the family helps and covers up, the longer it will take for him to admit to having a problem. Denial is more common for an alcoholic than any other drug addict. It sounds cruel but you have to abandon him and let him solve it by himself. There is counselling for families of alcoholics and they will tell you just the same. You must understand that there is nothing for you to be ashamed of. Alcoholism is a disease and nothing shameful. As long as you cannot move out and have to put up with the situation, try to distance yourself from it and don't let it ruin your life. I know it's easier said than done but it's the only way.[/QUOTE]
110 % truth here ... my own father was an alcoholic. you are not guilty, no shame, you can't help or solve his problem ! get him out as fast as possible. there is nothing more you can do. sorry to say that.
f.
I am more or less teetotal these days; all round me I see people whose lives depend on drink, and it's put me right off it. They are not 'alcoholics' in the usual definition, but drinking is their main hobby, and its what they spend most of their money on.
Its hypocritical that 'drugs' are illegal here, but yet the most popular pastime is getting drunk, and that is seen as perfectly acceptable.
I'm not against the occasional drink, I'm not against getting drunk once every now and then, but its all that some people want to do, and it bores me now. It's even got to the point where the conversation amongst my friends is mostly about different types or beer!
Its hypocritical that 'drugs' are illegal here, but yet the most popular pastime is getting drunk, and that is seen as perfectly acceptable.
I'm not against the occasional drink, I'm not against getting drunk once every now and then, but its all that some people want to do, and it bores me now. It's even got to the point where the conversation amongst my friends is mostly about different types or beer!
I think your dad should visit a doctor or something. The only thing YOU can do is support him. Hope things will change soon, darling... :)
Oh shut up and go get your Dad another beer!
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Mircrowave! wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Oh shut up and go get your Dad another beer![/QUOTE]
Shut up, you dumbshit. >:(
Shut up, you dumbshit. >:(
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Mircrowave! wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Oh shut up and go get your Dad another beer![/QUOTE]
Completely distasteless...
You should stick your hand in a Microwave for that comment...
Completely distasteless...
You should stick your hand in a Microwave for that comment...
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Mircrowave! wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Oh shut up and go get your Dad another beer![/QUOTE]
That is not nice at all...tsk tsk tsk...someone is asking for advice and you have to just throw it in their face like that...you should be ashamed of yourself...
disgusting >:(
That is not nice at all...tsk tsk tsk...someone is asking for advice and you have to just throw it in their face like that...you should be ashamed of yourself...
disgusting >:(
If you thought I was really serious, then I am an A*hole.
I thought a good wise crack was needed there.
Didn't mean to poo-poo on your day. I will Microwave myself. Besides, isn't a counselor or someone more qualified to handle this kind of question? The wrong advice may end up making the whole situation worse.
Especially advice from a 13, 15, or 16 year old.
I thought a good wise crack was needed there.
Didn't mean to poo-poo on your day. I will Microwave myself. Besides, isn't a counselor or someone more qualified to handle this kind of question? The wrong advice may end up making the whole situation worse.
Especially advice from a 13, 15, or 16 year old.