No Subject

Would you prefer to be executed by lethal injection? I'd like to see a brochure.
Do you print counterfiet money on your computer? Have you used it? No
Have you ever visited a prison? No
Do you like the outfits they wear in prison? Not so stylish, but they're good for night jogging.
Have your robbed the convenience store yet? Is there only one convenience store? And no.
Have you ever thought of organizing a killing spree at McDonalds? I tried, but those darn employees are so lazy.

======Having Sex=======
How many people have you had sex with? Does my harem count?
Have you ever slept with someone to get something you want? Actually sex is what I wanted.
Do you give sex so you don't have to pay for something? No.
Have you ever had oral sex in a stairwell? No.
With a complete stranger? No.
Did you get an STD yet? Do you have lots of sex anyway? No.
Are you pregnant? If I tell the truth scientists will dissect me.
Are you trying to get pregnant? No. Dissection is not a fate I'd savor.
How many abortions have you had so far? None, though I support my right to choose.
Did you ever give yourself an abortion? No, dammit!
Have you ever had sex in an elevator? Public bathroom? At the park? No.
Are you gay, bi, or pan? Bi.
Do you have a child and you need a paternity test? Nope.
Do all your children have a different father? Er...
Do you have lots of unprotected sex? No.
When did you start? Having sex or having unprotected sex? Specifity, people!
Do you have sex with people without knowing their name? No (though I tend to call out the wrong...just kidding).
Have you ever had sex with more than 5 people in one night? Nope.

========Clothes ========
Do you usually buy all your clothes at rummages? No.
Do you buy clothes at Costco? No.
Do you buy your shoes at Payless? On occasion. It's my one dark secret.
Do you like the clothes they sell at the grocery store? I don't believe in discrimination. All weaves are one.
Do you like to wear a bike helmet as a fashion statement? Who wrote this survey?
Do you wear a mask on a typical day? Fine, fine: I'm Batman.
Do you wear a trenchcoat everywhere? No.
Do you make your own shoes? Do I look like a ten-year old Indonesian child?
Do you usually wear a wig? How many do you own? None.
Do you like to wear stirrup pants? Nope.
Do you wear a bowtie that spins 'round and 'round? No.
Do you prefer to wear men's or women's clothes? Men's.
Do you like to wear nothing at all? Much to the dismay of my fellow man.
Do you like to wear top hats? Tragically, I've never worn one.
Suspenders? No.
Tall striped socks? No.
Do you usually wear byellow socks? No.
Do you like to wear clothes that were in style about 16-17 years ago? Fashion is a foreign concept to me.
Do you wear glasses? Did you buy them at the dollar store? Yes, as I suffer from nearsightedness and astigmatism. Which would generally imply that they're the expensive kind.
Did you steal the shirt you have on? No.
Do you borow people's clothes and never give them back? No.
Have you ever walked out of a store wearing shoes you tried on? After buying them, yes.
Do you wear a big coat so you can steal things? Have I not established that I am not a thief?
Do you buy your work clothes at Party City? Where is this city? Near Denver?
Do you like to wear a clown costume? No.
Do you like to wear a lot of necklaces? No.
A lot of rings? One.
Do you like to wear a suit for no reason? No.
Do you wear a tie on most days? No.
Do you wear a headdress? Only during my intermittent journeys into the underbelly of the Brazillian rainforest.
Do you usually wear your clothes without cutting off the tags? Never.
Do you wear a raincoat when its not raining? No.
Do you use an umbrella when its not raining? No.

=======School========
Did you often swear at a teacher? Only once did this occur. Though I probably should have.
Did you always smoke in the bathroom? This would imply that I lived a hermetic

=========Holidays=========
Is Halloween your favorite religious holiday? Oddly enough, yes.
Or is it Yom Kippur? Can I change my answer?
Do you celebrate Bastille Day? The Rush song? Hell yes!
What do you usually do for Flag Day? Walk about blissfully unaware of Flag Day.
Does your family like to celebrate Kwanzaa? Nah.
What did you get for Kwanzaa this year? Kwanzaa hasn't happened yet this year. Though I suspect I'll get nothing.
What are you doing for Ramadan this year? NOT strapping a bomb to myself.
What do you want for Hannukah this year? Um...world peace. And a broadsword.
How many bar mitzvas have you been to? None.
Which one was the best? You know the one.
Did you make your own holiday? Yes. But they still wouldn't give me time off work.
What resturant do you usually go to for Thanksgiving? My grandmother's kitchen.

========Recreation=======
Do you like to go to the circus? No.
Did you ever talk to a circus clown? No.
Have you considered joining the circus? Do you know how? No, though I suspect the process is not that complicated.
Would you be an acrobat? No.
Do you like the song they play at the circus? I've never been, but I imagine one universal song would get a little old after a while.
How often do you like to go to the carnival? Never.
Who takes you? Ug.
Do you like the ferris wheel? On occasion.
Have you ever stolen a bumper car from a carnival? Oh yes. It's a marvellous conversation piece.
Did you ride it in the street? No!
Do you go to the cinema every week? Every other week, perhaps.
Do you usually sit in the front row, or in the aisle? I like aisle seats; they allow a bit of freedom. I can feel a little trapped otherwise.
Do you prefer to see a classic film, or a comedy? Preferably both!
Do you throw things at the screen? Only my rapt attention.
Do you like to yell loudly in the theater? If by 'yell loudly' you mean 'remain respectfully quiet and not make a jackass of myself,' then yes.
Who takes you to the cinema? I often take my fiancee. It's that whole chivalry thing.
Have you been banned from a movie theater yet? Nope.

=======Television=======
Do you like to watch talk shows? Which one is the best? The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are favourites.
Do you like to watch court shows? No.
Do you own them on DVD? No.
Do you yell at your TV? Sometimes, but only in jubilation.
Did you ever throw your TV out the window? On my budget?
Have you never seen cable/satellite TV? Actually......I have.
Do you like to watch infomercials? Which one is your favorite? I have been known to be mesmerized by knife infomercials in the wee morning hours.

=======Music========
Do you prefer mainsteam music? My taste really obeys no particular logic.
Do you have at least 100 favorite bands? More? I have 84 musicians on my iTunes, but believe you me I own EVERY SINGLE THING those artists have ever recorded. Top faves: Queen, Coheed & Camrbia, Rush, Kansas, Ice Age, Morgan, The Decemberists, Rufus Wainwright, The Doors...the list goes on.
Do you prefer CD, cassette, record, EP, or 8-track? CD. I'm not terribly retro.
What is your favorite 8-track? Never played one of the buggers.
Do you prefer 33, 45, or 78 RPM records? I DID play a record. Once.
Do you have your own band? Do you play concerts? Had. Fell apart when we realized we were lazy and largely unmotivated.
Will people usually throw things at you? Generally only undergarments.
Do you have your own CD? Actually yes. I recorded an ill-advised solo effort using synthesized music about two years ago. I wouldn't recommend it.
How many people bought it? I sure as hell wouldn't have...
Do you work at the record store? No.
What is the best theme song to a TV show? Do you own it on CD? The theme for Firefly, written by Joss Whedon. Unfortunately I don't have it...yet.
Do you work at a radio station? Do you have your own radio station? I do, though I can't claim to 'own' anything beyond the sunflowe

I was actually going to subject myself to this, and then I got to the second question and couldn't go on.

I remember when people were outraged over Demetrius. Now I'm actually glad to see him...or her... as opposed to the idiotic trolls that wreak havoc over QZ these days.

=======Eating=======
Do you usually go out to eat? Not usually, but I do adore restaurants.
When you go to McDonalds, do you only order from the dollar menu? I try to avoid McDonald's like a festering, plague ridden corpse.
Is your favorite sandwich the Fish Fillet? Mine is. The classic hamburger is rather tasty, I will grudginly admit.
Do you usually go to McDonalds almost every day? Oh god no.
Have you been to Wiener's Circle in Chicago? Never visited a gay bar.
Did you like talking to the employees? Do you want to be one? Hey, I like listening to 'Macho Man' as much as the next fellow, but...no.
Do you like eating french fries smothered in cheese? Ketchup is my preferred poison.
Do you like eating burritos? Yes.
After you eat dinner, do you then order pizza? Sounds a little decadent, but then again I have been known to be a perennial snacker.
Do you ever have food binges? How often? I wouldn't call them binges, necessarily...but gorging myself on sushi is always a pleasure.
Do you throw up afterwords? No no no. It's a very respectable sushi restaurant.
What's your favorite purging method? Er...dried cherries?
What brand of laxatives do you usually use? Ah. Scatological questions. Either very immature or very creepy.
Do you use an enema? What, and waste all my yogurt?
How much weight have you lost so far? Since what? The Boxer Rebellion? The fall of the Roman Empire? What?
Have you ever not eaten for a week? No. When I was young and Christian I used to fast in penance...but never for longer than a day.
How often do you starve yourself? As little as possible.
Do you like the feeling? Almost, but not quite, as much as stepping on a rusty nail.
Do you never eat more than 500 calories a day? Don't keep track of the buggers.
Or do you usually eat about 2500? Again...whatever.
Where do you go grocery shopping? The local chain of stores.
Do you pay with cash, check, Amex, or money order? Debit card, generally.
Do you shoplift from the grocery store? Ah, the stealing again. NO.

=======Other Questions=======
Have you ever fallen out of bed? When I was quite young.
Do you know someone who died from falling out of bed? Nope.
Have you ever visited an abandoned insane asylum? Yes, we have a large asylum located nearby. Quite a creepy place, although they're currently converting it into numerous spiffy stores and eateries.
Do you like to play Sega Genesis? Yes. I wish I still had my old system.
Do you usually rent the games at the video store? Well, not Genesis games. Actually, no games. I've rather left the whole console war behind.
Are you going trick or treating this year? No. Regrettably.
Do you like to listen to talk radio? Sometimes all day? Not my cup of tea, but my fiancee adores it, so I hear quite a bit.
Do you like to walk around the cemetary? I find it veryu peaceful, but I don't go out of my way or molest tombstones or the like.
Have you fallen off your balcony yet? Afraid I haven't had a balcony installed yet. I knew my Opera house was missing something!
Do you like to talk in ebonics? No.
Do you like to steal things from museums? No.
Are you going to attend clown college? No.
Have you already been? Do you have a family member who went? No.
Have you ever been on a court TV show? For what? No.
What is your favorite synagogue? How often do you attend services? The temple of Beth, Israel. Cited in 'Space Balls,' don't you know.
Do you like to walk on stilts? Where do you go? No.
How many pairs of stilts do you own? Zero. Zilch. Etc.
Have you ever put nair in someone's conditioner? How often? My bald uncle. It was a wasted joke.
How do you feel when you're trapped in the depths of a ghetto? I imagine I would feel very, very white.
Do you often go to retirement parties? Do you throw them? I've been to a few in my time.
If you could drink out of anyone's shoe, who's would it be? Someone with no feet. I hate dirty shoes.
Do you walk in the street trying to get

'Do you know someone who died from falling out of bed?'

I bet I am one of the few who can honestly answer 'Yes' to this question!!!

s your name long or short? HMMM SHORT?
Is it pronounced fast or slow? SLOW? xD
Would you change your name to Starchild? ABSOLUTELY
How about Jamal? NO, IT SOUNDS NIGGA

=====Smoking and Drinking and Doing Drugs===
What is your favorite brand of cigarettes? I DON'T SMOKE
Or do you hand roll your cigarettes? N/A
How many packs of cigarettes do you smoke a day? N/A
Do you use a long cigarette holder? N/A
Do you like to chew tobacco? NO
How many drinks do you have a day? NONE
Do you prefer vodka or champagne? I DON'T DRINK
Do you usually drink an entire bottle of vodka in one sitting? NO
Have you been so drunk that you blacked out? NO
Do you do that almost every day? N/A
How many times a day do you smoke marijuana? I DON'T SMOKE
Do you smoke it in your car or outside? N/A
Do you grow it in your yard? N/A
Do you like to mix it in your food? N/A
Do you often take steroids? Do they work? I DON'T
Do you like to do cocaine? I DUNNO xD
What do you use to cut it into lines? N/A
Do you shoot heroin? NOPE
Where do you get your syringes? Do you get them from a diabetic person? Or the doctors office? LMAO
Do you usually like to shoot heroin and cocaine together? OH YES, ABSOLUTELY
Do you like to drink Red Rum? How often? WTF IS THAT?
How many times have you done ecstasy? NONE
Do you like to do prescription drugs? NO
Do you steal them from people's homes? NO
Or do you write out a fake prescription? NO
Do you usually take them without knowing what it is? NO
Do you prefer amphetamines or barbiturates? WTF?
Have you ever done drugs, and then woke up in a dumpster? LMAOO NO xD
Have you overdosed on drugs yet? Did you have to go to the ER? NOPE
Did you do it in the bathroom? Or in your car? Who found you? NOPE
Do you have to sell your favorite things to buy drugs? NOPE
Do you need to go to rehab? Already been to rehab? NOPE

========Crime========
Have you ever stolen a car? NO
Do you know how to hotwire a car? NO
Do you break into cars? NO
Have you been to juvenile hall yet? NO
Have you been arrested for drug possesion yet? NO
Have you been in the back of a police car? How many times? NO
Have the police ever been in your house? What did they find? NEVER
Do you want to sit in an electric chair? ONLY WHEN TURNED OFF
Do you own one? SADLY, I DON'T ='(
Do you use it to cook food? IT'D BE FUN
Have you ever thought of robbing a bank? YEAH
Did you know that it has crossed most people's minds before? SURE
Have you ever held anyone hostage in your own home? NO
In their home? IT DEPENDS xD
At the bank? NO
Have you ever burgularized a home? NO
Was it someone you know? NO
Did you do it alone or with a group of friends? N/A
Did you get lots of cool stuff? Did you sell any of it? N/A
How often do you steal people's wallets? How many are in your collection? I DON'T xD
Do you like to commit identity theft? NO
How many other credit card numbers do you know so far? NONE
How many things have you bought with them? N/A
Have you been to court? YES
Did they let you go for reason of insanity? NO
Have you been on the news because of your crimes? NOT YET
Do you believe homosexuality is a crime? NO
Would you prefer to be executed by lethal injection? MAYBE
Do you print counterfiet money on your computer? NO
Have you used it? N/A
Have you ever visited a prison? NO
Do you like the outfits they wear in prison? NOPE
Have your robbed the convenience store yet? NO
Have you ever thought of organizing a killing spree at McDonalds? YES

======Having Sex=======
How many people have you had sex with? FOUR? I DUNNO, IT'S BEEN AGES xD
Have you ever slept with someone to get something you want? NO
Do you give sex so you don't have to pay for something? NOO xD
Have you ever had oral sex in a stairwell? HMM NO, BUT I WAS CLOSE ENOUGH xD
With a complete stranger? NO
Did you get an STD yet? Do you have lots of sex anyway? NO TO BOTH

======Your Job======
Do you work in retail? MO
Do you work at McDonalds? MO
Do you often come to work in a drug-induced state? MO
Does your job pay enough money to support your drug habit? N/A
Do you work at an office? NO
Do you come to work everyday? N/A
Do you take the bus or the train to work? N/A
After work, do you usually go out and get drunk? NO

=======Your Family=======
Have any of your parents gone to prison? NO
Are they still in prison? Do you go visit them? N/A
Do you have any siblings you never met? YES
Have any of your family members married a cousin? NO
Would you? WELL, MY COUSIN'S HOT. BUT I GUESS I WOULDN'T
Have any of your family members left home and you never saw them again? ... YES.
Do you have a parent you never knew? WE COULD SAY SO.
Is your family violent? WAS

This seems like a lame detective's sad attempt at getting evidence.

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Bob The Shrek wrote: [/QUOTENAME]'Do you know someone who died from falling out of bed?'

I bet I am one of the few who can honestly answer 'Yes' to this question!!![/QUOTE]

You should add to your signature "And made fun of the Amish."

Is your name long or short? [QUOTENAME]Long enough to get the job done.[/QUOTENAME]
Is it pronounced fast or slow? [QUOTENAME]It depends on what you like.[/QUOTENAME]
Would you change your name to Starchild? [QUOTENAME]No.[/QUOTENAME]
How about Jamal? [QUOTENAME]No.[/QUOTENAME]

=====Smoking and Drinking and Doing Drugs===
Do you grow it in your yard? [QUOTENAME]If by "it" you mean "petunias", yes - I do.[/QUOTENAME]
Do you usually like to shoot heroin and cocaine together? [QUOTENAME]Yes, along with clay pigeons.[/QUOTENAME]
How many times have you done ecstasy? [QUOTENAME]Take a ride on my ecstaassssy ![/QUOTENAME]
Do you like to do prescription drugs? [QUOTENAME]Yes, otherwise I would continue to be ill.[/QUOTENAME]
Have you ever done drugs, and then woke up in a dumpster? [QUOTENAME]If by "dumpster", you mean "someone else's bed" - perhaps.[/QUOTENAME]
Did you do it in the bathroom? Or in your car? Who found you? [QUOTENAME]We did it on the aeroplane, in the bathroom.[/QUOTENAME]

========Crime========
Have you ever stolen a car? [QUOTENAME]Better - I stole a Lionel train.[/QUOTENAME]
Have you been in the back of a police car? How many times? [QUOTENAME]I've been in a helicopter.[/QUOTENAME]
Do you use it to cook food? [QUOTENAME]Cannibalism is the hot new thing this year.[/QUOTENAME]
Have you ever thought of robbing a bank? [QUOTENAME]Who hasn't ?[/QUOTENAME]
Did you get lots of cool stuff? Did you sell any of it? [QUOTENAME]It was like Christmas.[/QUOTENAME]
Do you believe homosexuality is a crime? [QUOTENAME]This reminds me of a song...[/QUOTENAME]
Do you like the outfits they wear in prison? [QUOTENAME]They're HOT.[/QUOTENAME]
Have you ever thought of organizing a killing spree at McDonalds? [QUOTENAME]No, all the fat would get in the way. [/QUOTENAME]

======Having Sex=======
Have you ever slept with someone to get something you want? [QUOTENAME]Does it count if all I wanted was sex ?[/QUOTENAME]
Have you ever had oral sex in a stairwell? [QUOTENAME]I thought it was the elevator people cared about.[/QUOTENAME]
With a complete stranger? [QUOTENAME]If I was wasted, how would I know if I knew them or not ?[/QUOTENAME]
Have you ever had sex in an elevator? Public bathroom? At the park? [QUOTENAME]Now you get to it.[/QUOTENAME]
Are you gay, bi, or pan? [QUOTENAME]Kettle.[/QUOTENAME]
Have you ever had sex with more than 5 people in one night? [QUOTENAME]It's all a blur to me.[/QUOTENAME]

========Clothes ========
Do you buy your shoes at Payless? [QUOTENAME]Their shoes are boring.[/QUOTENAME]
Do you like the clothes they sell at the grocery store? [QUOTENAME]Some of them aren't really THAT bad.[/QUOTENAME]
Do you like to wear stirrup pants? [QUOTENAME]The fuck is wrong with those ?![/QUOTENAME]
Tall striped socks? [QUOTENAME]Hell yes.[/QUOTENAME]
Do you borow people's clothes and never give them back? [QUOTENAME]Do panties count as "clothes" ?[/QUOTENAME]
Do you like to wear a suit for no reason? [QUOTENAME]Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man.[/QUOTENAME]

=======School========
Did you always smoke in the bathroom? [QUOTENAME]Smokin' in the boys' room.[/QUOTENAME]
Did you often like to steal food from teacher's offices? [QUOTENAME]Yes. Mints.[/QUOTENAME]
Were you voted Worst Dressed? [QUOTENAME]Voted "Most Likely to Rule the World".[/QUOTENAME]
Was school a waste of time? Did you have other things on your mind? [QUOTENAME]I thought about sex a lot.[/QUOTENAME]

======Your Job======
After work, do you usually go out and get drunk? [QUOTENAME]Would you prefer I did it on the job ?[/QUOTENAME]

=======Your Family=======
Do you have any siblings you never met? [QUOTENAME]The Hell would I know ?[/QUOTENAME]
Is your family violent? [QUOTENAME]We like to play KOTOR and I sometimes throw magazines at my brother.[/QUOTENAME]

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Janet wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Bob The Shrek wrote: [/QUOTENAME]'Do you know someone who died from falling out of bed?'

I bet I am one of the few who can honestly answer 'Yes' to this question!!![/QUOTE]

You should add to your signature "And made fun of the Amish."[/QUOTE]

I think it unfair to single out the Amish, I made fun of everybody ;-)

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Bob The Shrek wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Janet wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Bob The Shrek wrote: [/QUOTENAME]'Do you know someone who died from falling out of bed?'

I bet I am one of the few who can honestly answer 'Yes' to this question!!![/QUOTE]

You should add to your signature "And made fun of the Amish."[/QUOTE]

I think it unfair to single out the Amish, I made fun of everybody ;-)[/QUOTE]


Hmmm, quite true. ;-)

I was gonna do but tbh i can't be arsed xD