Sebastian
Plus, you know, Fatty's got the flexibility of a rat.
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Posts in chronological order
k-m
Ooh, what a sophisticated, intellectually stimulating and genuinely funny piece of writing it was:/ The Pulitzer Prize is round the corner.
JohnMc
Quite the best thing I've ever seen on here - more please!
Hangman_96
Ha ha, that's great Fatty! It made me laugh :)
malicedoom
Bravo. This is outstanding.
inu-liger
[QUOTE] Fatty: So what you're saying is that you were under the impression that all those artists performing were in fact Freddie wearing a number of different outfits.
John: Exactly. In fact it wasn't until he blacked up to sing 'Who Wants to Live Forever' that I thought he was taking things a bit too far [/QUOTE]
I LOL'd so hard at that one xD.
I LOL'd so hard at that one xD.
alaynasusan
tcc wrote:
Sebastian wrote: A little context: in case you people missed it the first time, or don't remember, or whatever, I seem to remember Fatty's last interview with John going like this:
Fatty: Hi John, thank you for agreeing to see me on such short notice.
John: Who the bloody hell are you and how did you get in here?
Fatty: Through the bathroom window.
John: I'm phoning the police.
At that point Fatty made his excuses and left. That's, I reckon, why he was unable to get in touch with him this time.
If he can climb in thro' the bathroom window, he would not be fat and be called fatty :-)
Maybe it was a fat window.
Sebastian wrote: A little context: in case you people missed it the first time, or don't remember, or whatever, I seem to remember Fatty's last interview with John going like this:
Fatty: Hi John, thank you for agreeing to see me on such short notice.
John: Who the bloody hell are you and how did you get in here?
Fatty: Through the bathroom window.
John: I'm phoning the police.
At that point Fatty made his excuses and left. That's, I reckon, why he was unable to get in touch with him this time.
If he can climb in thro' the bathroom window, he would not be fat and be called fatty :-)
Maybe it was a fat window.
Thistle
inu-liger wrote:
Fatty: So what you're saying is that you were under the impression that all those artists performing were in fact Freddie wearing a number of different outfits.
John: Exactly. In fact it wasn't until he blacked up to sing 'Who Wants to Live Forever' that I thought he was taking things a bit too far
I LOL'd so hard at that one xD.
=============================================================================================
Yep, that was the clincher for me, too lol
also loved the bit about Frampton and the strimmer!!!
Fatty: So what you're saying is that you were under the impression that all those artists performing were in fact Freddie wearing a number of different outfits.
John: Exactly. In fact it wasn't until he blacked up to sing 'Who Wants to Live Forever' that I thought he was taking things a bit too far
I LOL'd so hard at that one xD.
=============================================================================================
Yep, that was the clincher for me, too lol
also loved the bit about Frampton and the strimmer!!!
Haystacks Calhoun II
John: Yes. Freddie had borrowed my lawnmower a few years earlier and my garden was in a bit of a state so I drove round to Freddie's to ask for it back. Mary invited me in and we sat down with a cuppa and chatted for a while but it was getting late so I asked if Freddie was around as I need to get my lawnmower back. Next thing I know Mary's in floods of tears. I remember thinking "Jesus Christ, it's only a lawnmower".
That might be the funniest thing I've read since....forever ago.
Fatty, as always, spot on.
That might be the funniest thing I've read since....forever ago.
Fatty, as always, spot on.
john bodega
I can't understand why people are laughing at this. It's a genuine interview.
LAP
USQUEENFAN
Epic would love to see a comedy clip of this sort INNUENDO humor rocks!!! No Pun INTENDED LOL
hugo123
EDIT: nevermind...
nickie
That was so funny ... thank you!!!
-fatty- 2850
Fatty: Hello again John and thank for taking time out of your busy schedule (stifles laugh) to speak to me.
John: Your welcome.
Fatty: Before we go any further I wonder if you'd like to address any of the comments made following your last interview in which we discussed your coming to terms with the death of Freddie Mercury. Some of them were a little negative to say the least.
John: Well you're always going to have one or two idiots who cant take a joke.
Fatty: Idiots?
John: Idiots, fannies, fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks. Call them what you will.
Fatty: Steady on old chap. Just because they don't appreciate a particular brand of humour doesn't necessarily make them cock-mouthed... Sorry, what was it you called them again?
John: Fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks.
Fatty: Fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks. Of course. And given the choice what would you do with these tiny mouthed cock fuckers.
John: Fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks.
Fatty: Sorry, fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks.
John: What I'd like to do is this. I'd like to break into their house in the middle of the night and wake them up by shining a high powered torch in their eyes. Then I'd drag them out of bed, still naked, and start kicking them about the head and body until I got all blood and stuff on my boots.
Fatty: So a sound beating would be more than enough to appease you, would it?
John: Oh no. I wouldn't stop there. I'd then take an eighteen inch leangth of razor wire and feed it into a plastic tube of about the same size. Then I'd take the tube with the razor wire inside it and shove it right up there arsehole. Once it was all the way in, I'd carefully pull the tube back out but leave the razor wire up there and then I'd make the cunt squat so I could nail the bit of razor wire that was hanging out his arse to the floor.
Fatty: My god, John, that's fucking horrible.
John: Oh but that's not the best bit.
Fatty: You mean there's more to come.
John: Yeah, Just imagine it. There's this poor bastard, battered to within an inch of his life, squatting with the best part of a foot of razor wire up his arse. Just imagine what would happen if he stood up straight.
Fatty: I shudder to think.
John: And then I set fire to his house
Fatty: (Sounds of vomiting and uncontrollable wretching)
John: I tell you fatty, I dont take kindly to critisism.
Fatty: You don't say. Anyway if we could move swiflty along. During the recent BBC documentary both Brian and Roger spoke about the controversial visit to Sun City in South Africa. What were your views on the subject?
John: We knew from the moment it was suggested that we play in South Africa that we were going to get flack for it but it was Brian who talked us around.
Fatty: So Brian believed the concerts would help bring an end to almost 40 years of apartheid in South Africa, did he?
John: No it had nothing to do with ending apartheid.
Fatty: So was it simply for the money?
John: Absolutley not. Brian wanted to play South Africa because he hates blacks.
(There is a long and rather uncomfortable silence)
Fatty: Brian May is a racist?
John: Oh goodness me, yes
Fatty: You'll have to forgive me John but I find it hard to believe that Brian May has a racial agenda.
John: I'm telling you. Brian hates blacks. Haven't you listened to any of his songs?
Fatty: I think I've listened to just about every song Brian May has ever recorded and as far as I can recall, none of which had any racist overtones.
John: What about 'White Man'?
Fatty: Yes, but that's not about...
John: 'White Queen'?
Fatty: But 'White Queen' isn't about a....
John: 'The Aryan Nation Will Rise Again'?
Fatty: Yes, but I think what Brian was trying to say is.... Wait a minute! 'The Aryan Nation Will Rise Again? Which album was that from?
John: It was going to be on 'The Works' LP but EMI weren't too happy with it and made him change the lyrics. In the end it became 'Hammer to Fall'.
Fatty: I'm still not convinced.
John: Do you want me to go and get the razor wire?
Fatty: Okay okay, settle down. I believe you. Can you give me any more examples of Brian's exreme political views.
John: Well there's the infamous use of the N word on 'March of the Black Queen'.
Fatty: But wasn't 'March of the Black Queen' a Freddie Mercury composition?
John: Yes but Freddie's original line in the song was "A little powdered sugar and a rub-a-dub of baby oil". It was Brian who made him change it to "a little nigger sugar".
Fatty: And Freddie just went along with it, did he?
John: Not to begin with but Brian could be very persuasive when he wanted to.
Fatty: So how did he convince Freddie in the end?
John: He held a screwdriver to Freddie's throat until he changed the lyric.
Fatty: Until next time John, thank you very much
John: Your welcome.
John: Your welcome.
Fatty: Before we go any further I wonder if you'd like to address any of the comments made following your last interview in which we discussed your coming to terms with the death of Freddie Mercury. Some of them were a little negative to say the least.
John: Well you're always going to have one or two idiots who cant take a joke.
Fatty: Idiots?
John: Idiots, fannies, fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks. Call them what you will.
Fatty: Steady on old chap. Just because they don't appreciate a particular brand of humour doesn't necessarily make them cock-mouthed... Sorry, what was it you called them again?
John: Fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks.
Fatty: Fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks. Of course. And given the choice what would you do with these tiny mouthed cock fuckers.
John: Fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks.
Fatty: Sorry, fuck-witted mouth breathers with tiny cocks.
John: What I'd like to do is this. I'd like to break into their house in the middle of the night and wake them up by shining a high powered torch in their eyes. Then I'd drag them out of bed, still naked, and start kicking them about the head and body until I got all blood and stuff on my boots.
Fatty: So a sound beating would be more than enough to appease you, would it?
John: Oh no. I wouldn't stop there. I'd then take an eighteen inch leangth of razor wire and feed it into a plastic tube of about the same size. Then I'd take the tube with the razor wire inside it and shove it right up there arsehole. Once it was all the way in, I'd carefully pull the tube back out but leave the razor wire up there and then I'd make the cunt squat so I could nail the bit of razor wire that was hanging out his arse to the floor.
Fatty: My god, John, that's fucking horrible.
John: Oh but that's not the best bit.
Fatty: You mean there's more to come.
John: Yeah, Just imagine it. There's this poor bastard, battered to within an inch of his life, squatting with the best part of a foot of razor wire up his arse. Just imagine what would happen if he stood up straight.
Fatty: I shudder to think.
John: And then I set fire to his house
Fatty: (Sounds of vomiting and uncontrollable wretching)
John: I tell you fatty, I dont take kindly to critisism.
Fatty: You don't say. Anyway if we could move swiflty along. During the recent BBC documentary both Brian and Roger spoke about the controversial visit to Sun City in South Africa. What were your views on the subject?
John: We knew from the moment it was suggested that we play in South Africa that we were going to get flack for it but it was Brian who talked us around.
Fatty: So Brian believed the concerts would help bring an end to almost 40 years of apartheid in South Africa, did he?
John: No it had nothing to do with ending apartheid.
Fatty: So was it simply for the money?
John: Absolutley not. Brian wanted to play South Africa because he hates blacks.
(There is a long and rather uncomfortable silence)
Fatty: Brian May is a racist?
John: Oh goodness me, yes
Fatty: You'll have to forgive me John but I find it hard to believe that Brian May has a racial agenda.
John: I'm telling you. Brian hates blacks. Haven't you listened to any of his songs?
Fatty: I think I've listened to just about every song Brian May has ever recorded and as far as I can recall, none of which had any racist overtones.
John: What about 'White Man'?
Fatty: Yes, but that's not about...
John: 'White Queen'?
Fatty: But 'White Queen' isn't about a....
John: 'The Aryan Nation Will Rise Again'?
Fatty: Yes, but I think what Brian was trying to say is.... Wait a minute! 'The Aryan Nation Will Rise Again? Which album was that from?
John: It was going to be on 'The Works' LP but EMI weren't too happy with it and made him change the lyrics. In the end it became 'Hammer to Fall'.
Fatty: I'm still not convinced.
John: Do you want me to go and get the razor wire?
Fatty: Okay okay, settle down. I believe you. Can you give me any more examples of Brian's exreme political views.
John: Well there's the infamous use of the N word on 'March of the Black Queen'.
Fatty: But wasn't 'March of the Black Queen' a Freddie Mercury composition?
John: Yes but Freddie's original line in the song was "A little powdered sugar and a rub-a-dub of baby oil". It was Brian who made him change it to "a little nigger sugar".
Fatty: And Freddie just went along with it, did he?
John: Not to begin with but Brian could be very persuasive when he wanted to.
Fatty: So how did he convince Freddie in the end?
John: He held a screwdriver to Freddie's throat until he changed the lyric.
Fatty: Until next time John, thank you very much
John: Your welcome.