Thoughts on Thor Arnold and Lee Nolan's eleven year friendship with Freddie

I hate not being able to edit. I thought for a bit if I should have posted it as a pm but then went for public and now I changed my mind again... oh, well. I guess it can be helpful information for others too.

There was a few things I've been wanting to talk about for a while but I didn't want to drop them out of context, but a few posts lately put them back to the front of my mind.

1. SM mentioned the different behavior of the people around Freddie and said something like Joe didn't look like he gave himself time to grieve Freddie, but was instead full of anger towards Mary. I get what SM was trying to convey, but the thing is that anger and focusing on it is quite a typical grieving behavior. As I'm sure Thor and the other health workers here know well, quite often the care team is a scapegoat for the angry family when a patient pass away. I am myself someone that gets furiously angry when a loved one pass. It is often, in my case at least, a reaction to guilt for not being able to be a better advocate for my loved ones or not being able to direct or choose a better caring team.
I think it likely that both Joe and Mary were experiencing some level of this grieving process. It obviously got out of hand with all its consequences, but I often wonder if things could have gone differently if they accessed proper counseling instead of trying to work it out for themselves.

Sorry but that's also not true. If you go back to my first few posts here you'll notice where I said I asked Joe if Mary had been grieving as that could perhaps be the reason behind her behavior and he said no, that she had always been that way. Something Jim also confirmed. I'm sorry but this is not a case of someone being misrepresented or simply grieving or struggling to deal with her emotions. This woman was apparently unpleasant throughout Mr Mercury's life, not just during his death. It always throws me for a loop when people who have never met Ms Austin make excuses for her or try to sidestep her actions. I don't know how many people who knew her have to say she was cold and possessive before it gets through to everyone but there you go. I asked Joe why Mr Mercury was so close to her if he was gay and she behaved the way she did and he said Mr Mercury was terribly guilty over her. I don't know the details but apparently he had made many promises to her and her parents (who happened to be deaf and poor) before he became famous she never let him forget that. Let's try to remember there is more to every story than just what you see in the press or in a book.

I am not defending Ms. Austin. I have heard good and bad reports of her, too.

But, I feel that is isn't right to label a person with a serious behavioural disorder such as sociopathy so lightly.

A bit more balance and a little less bias makes for more harmony, I feel.

There, I'm climbing off the soap box again. :-)

As far as I know she has never been labelled as a sociopath by a medical professional. Yes that may be a bit steep. Not sure who it was that said that but I understand their upset.

Mary wasn't the one I was trying to defend. I just felt like it was unfair to use my reasons to Joe and not admit the possibility that they were at least partially true for her too.

Hi SM,

No, it wa not a medical professional, (as far as I am aware) it was a thread member who suggested it.

As I say I have heard reports about Mary Austin which have not sat comfortably with me, but none of us know her well enough to even attempt a diagnosis of any sort regarding her psychological state.

I'm no believer in Mary as a saintly figure, believe me, I just don't like serious accusations about _anybody_ being bandied about willy-nilly. I meant no offence to the thread member who made this comment, but wanted to express my discomfort at statements such as this.

I hope I haven't offended anyone. That is never my intention, and I have in the past steered clear of these discussions, but this time, I piped up.

Hope we all have a great day (it's cool and overcast here in England!)

TTFN

Ms Austin was apparently always like that. Behaviour like hers that went on for years at a time is not grieving unfortunately. And according to I believe they said Mr John Reid, Ms Austin wasn't weeping at the funeral service but smiling and announcing that she won in the end. Scary stuff. People handle grief in different ways no doubt but I'm not convinced her actions or attitude was from losing Mr Mercury. She certainly wasn't kind or even polite to me. I've known people who have lost a great love and still manage to not seem a cold you know what to strangers. The difference here is something I saw firsthand. Cameras. When the cameras were on her there was sniffling and sad eyes. Hand shakes and warm gestures. When the cameras were off she was stone faced and rude. Not zoned out or emotionally unstable. Just plain rude.

My "Hello ma'am, good morning" was almost always met with a grunt or more often, nothing at all. I wasn't close to her by any means but common sense tells one to acknowledge people when they try to offer a kind word. She never bothered to learn our names but had no problem barking orders at us as to who was allowed in and when. Most of the time the orders came from Mr Beach but she would speak "to" us from time to time. Never making eye contact or bothering to respond when we asked questions. Sorry but she had the essence of a real spoilt child in my opinion. I never got the feeling she was sad or depressed. She always just appeared to be permanently annoyed.

@emdee. Thank you for your words about my lovely Little For! :-)

He is a work of art, literally and I'm going to treasure him.

I paid a princely sum for him, but still a lot cheaper than many are being sold at now. Since the movie Queen related merchandise prices have gone crazy!

Thanks to everyone for being happy for my new adoption! :-)

I dont think you've offended anyone here

I'm not a doctor myself but going by what little I know about mental issues I do not believe she would qualify for that either. I don't see her as a case of mental instability but of extreme entitlement.

QZ keeps eating the second part of my post.
A shame really because Shawn would understand with it that opening that particular can of worms was the opposite I wanted to do.

SM: Thank you for confirming the impression I already had of Mary Austin. Must have been difficult working under such circumstances.

SM , as I say I'm in no way defending her or her behaviour and I too have heard reports I don't like,

I only try to deflect accusations of labels such as sociopathy, as I would with anyone else who had this label directed at them without diagnosis.

No offence intended, and I agree she does sound, from your reports to have displayed a rather cold, impersonal, and even rude manner, which is a behaviour I dislike.intensely.

I feel great empathy and sympathy for the male residents of Garden Lodge after Freddie passed away. They seem to have been pushed around like livestock. They should have been protected and cherished for all their devotion to Freddie, and I'm afraid that just didn't happen.

The Queen Machine seemed to want to reinvent Freddie to suit their preferred image of a straight man in a stable heterosexual relationship, instead of accepting and celebrating the wonderfully complex GAY man in a stable homosexual relationship which he was. Bigotry of any kind is a shameful thing and a complete anathema to me, and even now that attitude continues to a slightly lesser extent. Very sad and disappointing

Hope we can move on now. As I say I'm not a big fan of Ms. Austin In was just uncomfortable with that label.

Kind Regards to everyone

FD

I'll try to paraphrase it one last time:

Even if I believe Freddie's friends when they state he didn't believe in same sex marriage, I believe he would have been very successful in maintaining a lifelong relationship. The fact that he tried to keep his most cherished boyfriends around proves that he appreciated the value of a long term relationship beyond the honeymoon phase. Passion comes and goes, but he still wanted David (he failed at keeping him, but that's not the point), Joe and Jim around, and even if it never really happened, I'm going to add our Thor in it because the initial spark was apparently not a "let's become best friends" one. He could accept relationships as a living ever changing thing and that's something a lot of couples struggle at.

Freddie darling and as I say, I agree with you. Nobody is offended.