Cometh the hour!

I believe this is the real Mary Austin and I have an important question:

I lent Fred a tin of paint once so he could write the number of his house on his black rubbish bin. Sadly he never returned it. So my question is, is there a half empty tin of paint in the garage at Garden Lodge and, if so, could you get it back to me? Thanks.

Oh, you forgive sins, you are saint. :-D

[QUOTE] [b]thomasquinn 32989 wrote:[/b]

I don't know what's more cringe-worthy, this trolling-topic itself, or the fact that the troll thought anyone might actually fall for something this stupid.

How empty must one's life be for it to seem worthwhile to spend even a couple of seconds on something this sad...[/QUOTE]

says you, who is just as lame

Holly2003, thank you for your question. I had a henchman check the house tonight and I am sorry to say that you have to ask for the tin someplace else. A note by Freddie states that he gave it to Peter Straker, who used to collect half-empty tins of paint for good luck.

Truthful,
Mary

This just gets better!!! Unreal.

Please die in a pit of silent yawns.

[QUOTE] [b]The Real Mary Austin wrote:[/b]

Holly2003, thank you for your question. I had a henchman check the house tonight and I am sorry to say that you have to ask for the tin someplace else. A note by Freddie states that he gave it to Peter Straker, who used to collect half-empty tins of paint for good luck.

Truthful,
Mary[/QUOTE]

Okay thanks for the info. If someone calling themselves The Real Peter Straker starts posting here I will take it up with him.

However, the paint is only the first thing on my list. I also lent Fred:

- a strimmer
- a garden hose
- a wheelbarrow
- some Allen keys
- a dvd of Bear Grylls Ultimate Survivor

You can't tell me Straker's got all of those too?

Mary,

>I came here to tell you the truth. That's why I will forgive you for your sins.

You told me, when I was tuning my Fender Jazz in April 1974, that flicking the old bean whilst watching Princess Anne in jodhpurs astride one of her many Eventing horses and knowing she was both married and Royalty that did it for you. I think my tape has you as saying "I could absolutely fucking destroy that with half an hour, a LoveHoney and a tin of pears." I'll have to dig that tape out........ I believe you said it was the way she gripped the crop in her right hand that really did it for you 'cos there were bi connotations all over the TV that no one else had ever picked up on?

Later, in '86 when you spotted one of my nuts dangling out of my shorts, you mentioned this again.

Is this, indeed, your favourite sin?

What a hilarious thread!!!

In case anyone hasn’t figured it out yet, I really am Galileo, and I really was born in 1564.

Besides discovering 4 moons of Jupiter and figuring out that the moon was made of rock, I also cured aging. I’ve been in hiding for a long time.

This cure can be yours for the fair price of USD 500 or the equivalent in your country’s currency. PM me your address, and I’ll PM you my PayPal.

No refunds if it doesn’t work. Sorry.

Hey Mary, would you like to have a drink with me?

Mary has really started something here! :)

Hello good people of Earth.

First off all, I came here today to tell you a very important (importante, as the Italians would say) message: Get up, get on up, stay on the scene for the Mary-Machine.

Thank you again for your questions. Here are my answers.

@sexmachine: I am very sorry, but I will not be able meet anyone in person. However, you can have a Bloody Mary on your own and that drink is on me.
@Holly2003: I am not going to let you down. But thinking about the utensils, you have listed, I instantly had that sinking feeling. Yes, there is such a thing as that sinking feeling.

Fear not, I had been on a business trip to Munich. Back in rainy London, I'd like you to know that you're all in my heart. In the meantime, I ask you to join me in my prayers for preventing Boris Johnson from becoming prime minister.

Guten Tag,
M.

Mary,

Boris will save us all. He is, truly, the Messiah.

He'll get us out of Europe by October 31st. Fraternising with anyone from any of those god-awful countries like Germany, France and Spain where people strike at the drop of a hat and speak unintelligible languages will involve risking banishment, permanently to said country - yuck.

Then, he'll make Love Island's producers a terrorist organisation and imprison them and all competitors.

He'll then find you, marry you and lay claim to Freddie's fortune, ploughing it all back in to the coffers of the Conservative Party. Number 10 Downing Street will be decommissioned (Esther McVey will be installed there for my personal use with a hotline through to Amanda Holden and that black bird (Denise I think it is) from Eastenders for some rip-roaring bedroom action) and Garden Lodge will become the residence of the PM.

Corbyn - on losing Labour yet another General Election - will be banished by the Party to The West Bank where he can live in utter squalor.

Nicola Sturgeon will take up a spot on the 11pm slot on BabeNation after having been sacked as Scottish-representative-for-absolutely-fuck-all and will graduate through in to movies of a questionable nature where undecipherable British accents are a high-end niche.

Trouser Trump, from the land of the free and the home of the brave (how fucking ironic is that!), will jump in to bed - literally - with Boris (and Melania who has a thing for fat geezers with dodgy ginger barnets!) has apparently drawn up a trade agreement where we buy from them and they buy from us. We make stuff that the Indians and Chinese make - so do they - and the Indian and Chinese economies crumble, leading to a complete drop in global temperatures as well as the eventual disappearance of plastic in the oceans because there are so many of those bastards causing the problems, once they die, the problems disappear.

Britain will then return to the boom times we've so deeply missed and all will be right with the world. Those who are left will be yearning for re-colonisation and the days when full-employment, food and shelter were easily come by.