As it began ' or any other books

MHZ, it's not only the detailed descriptions of the decorating that makes my eyes glaze over a bit, though that certainly is part of the problem. I was also trying to figure out the layout of the house as I was reading. I'm not going to reread it again right now, but I think I might try to do some kind of sketch if I read again at a later date. I think the house probably had more rooms than I thought and that's part of the issue. Have you ever seen the Garden Lodge tapes where Freddie is giving a tour of the mews? The video is too dark so it's hard to see and a bit hard to hear, but Freddie is describing the rooms with the same kind of detail that Phoebe did in the book. I love to listen to Freddie speak and I love to watch him, but he does go on and on. In one room he does a detailed discussion of the wallpaper. : ) He does seem rather astonished that there are five bedrooms AND five bathrooms. I get a kick out of that. Oh, speaking of bathrooms it amazes me that he never could get a working shower in GL. That would not be ok with me! You get a little bit of a feel for Garden Lodge itself, when they all traipse back over there, but again, the video is too dark. I think it's sweet that he was so proud of the house.

Since it seems that Freddie could be difficult at times, I imagine it would be hard to feel shut out by him and the others. But I can also understand being grateful that someone else was on the hot seat. I don't like confrontation either and have to be pushed to reach that point, but it does seem unfair. I'm trying to remember if Jim discusses that particular time in his book. Do you know? I'll probably reread that soon too.

Great posts guys! Ditto on the description of Garden Lodge - my hope is that someday, they open it up as a museum so I can see it for myself because I think that's the ONLY way I will get a full appreciation of it. I do not have a great appreciation for decorating, therefore, next to NO understanding of the description. The closest I've come to understanding it well was those dark videos you mentioned Katy and, yes, they were too dark for a good understanding. Haven't gotten to that point in the book yet this time but will be skimming for just that reason.

Katy - you mentioned Freddie's final days and if Freddie would have wanted that time shared. I honestly believe that he felt throttled while alive in having to hide things to protect his family/band mates/friends and feel that, with his big personality and "fuck it all" attitude at times, that he would not have had a problem with sharing many details. Probably more details than everyone else has shared to this point. I feel like we have gotten very "white-washed" stories to this point (which I totally understand and, at times, agree with) but feel like he would say "Fuck them darlings if they can't handle it!". Of course, that's just my opinion and I always feel like stark honestly is best, without purposely offending people, because I know that people have the option to not listen, change the channel, close the book, etc if they don't want to hear something lol.

MHZ, regarding Phoebe getting the cold shoulder (you guys really found some great talking points!)....I did find that strange that such great friends would assume the worst and not talk something out. It seems so against Freddie's personality to not confront Phoebe to ask him why he did it instead of just freezing him out!!! However, he may have been soooo shocked and fighting wanting to believe it that he couldn't react honestly at that point. Hard to say for sure without actually being there. I'm sure Joe was horrified when they all found out what actually happened.

Speaking of Joe - he's the one person that I feel there is just never enough written about. His story just seems so incomplete to me being such a big part of Freddie's life. I really hope these new books coming out share a little more about him!

I’m the same Katydid, I tried to imagine the layout of GL by the description, and this time I really focused hard on that. But I still get lost, lol! I feel like I really understand the upper floor with the bedrooms, etc. but when it gets to the other rooms I have trouble understanding the orientation. I have a feeling some of it is due to the age of the home, the older European styles have lots of different directions of rooms and small staircases with offshoots and such, they are not built on the “square” concept of the newer US homes that I’m used to seeing. So I have to get my head into that style and try to conceptualize it. I would do better if I could see the architectural blueprint!

I need to go back and check Jim’s book too, I don’t recall if he mentioned the incident with Phoebe, but I’m thinking he did. I guess it would be hard to be in Freddie’s situation at that point, and not really knowing if you could fully trust anyone even after long-term friendship. Seeing things come out in print would be heart-breaking! I just can’t imagine what he had to deal with every day. As far as the amount shared in the book, I think Phoebe did a great job, I think Freddie would be ok with it. I do feel like Jim’s book went into too much personal detail for Freddie’s liking though....just my opinion! I think sharing the feelings and personal struggles are one thing, but the more intimate and specific physical things...and I’m not even talking about their physical relationship as much as the specifics around Freddie’s state as he neared the end, etc. while it is informative to us to hear about it, I think Freddie would rather not have his physical state and details shared.

I also have had similar thoughts about how little we know of Joe...I’m sure it’s mostly because he passed away so young, but it sure feels like a hole in Freddie’s overall story.

I haven't buried a partner, but have buried a child. As part of my own grief work, reliving the moments of the loss is paramount to reconciliation and road to recovery. I've also interviewed parents who've buried children and that was a common theme--the discussion, sometimes in excruciating detail, of the last moments of life. It may sound weird or morbid, but for traumatic, deep loss, this kind of story telling (for lack of a better term) is something that many people benefit from in order to process (hate that word, but it's the right word).

I didn't find Jim's descriptions particularly explicit, sad and sorrowful, but not explicit. And if you've read any information on AIDS and what it does to the body, he left plenty of details out.

As to Phoebe's books, great tidbits, but sheesh, in need of a good editor. It doesn't appear as if he was in the "first circle" of knowledge vis-a-vis Freddie's diagnosis. He knew something was wrong, but wasn't in the loop. According to Hutton, he, Mary, Jim Beach, Joe, and Dominique Taylor were told in 1987; Phoebe in 1989. Should he have been, given his loyalty, told earlier? Maybe, probably, but who's to judge? Apparently, FM didn't think so, at least he didn't think so initially.

I think one of FM's least attractive qualities as a person was this pushing away of people in times of conflict and stress, and his general avoidance of conflict and discussions thereof. Remember Jim's stories, especially the last incident, where Freddie--or his appointed messenger--asks Jim to move out. Then, he retracts the edict, but there never seems to be a full explanation why he behaves this way. Jim admitted (in the 1990 event) that he had no idea what the spat was about.

That cowardly (harsh!) behavior has always struck me as emotionally immature.

But his distance from his family as a child and early huge fame and forced closeted nature? Who can tell how those things impact the emotional developments and commitments of an individual. He certainly could claim that many cared deeply about him and that says quite a lot about him as a person, I think.

And this is all speculation about folks whom none of us have known or will know, 30-40 years after the fact. :)

TUHI, Some people push people away because they cant trust.They have trusted so many times in people and they have lied and cheated on them .I find it might not be healthy but more safe to stay in your bubble sometimes.Maybe this was his reason I dont know.Maybe he felt Jim was getting to close to his bubble and he needed to make sure he was for real and that was the reason for him wanting him removed to see if he would stick around.Who knows I dont I just try to put myself in some of those same situations in my mind what would I do.As for AIDS I do find he left plenty out AIDS patients die a horrible death.I do have experience with this I can still remember and visualize in my own family.You had some good points there TUHI I hope you write more for me to read.I do enjoy your interaction even though I mainly read here.

TUHI, first I must offer my deepest sympathy for your loss. Losing a child must be an unbelievable pain. I do understand that talking about the loss in great detail can be a part of the journey.

After I posted my original question I realized that both Phoebe and Jim were fairly tame in their accounts of Freddie's last weeks. Some of the details that we know now came from other people in other interviews. They did give more details of some of the horrors of an AIDS death.

You are also right that much of our discussion is speculation. We have all gathered information from many sources and it helps to create a believable or acceptable picture, but we will never know for sure how much of what we have gathered creates a true picture. Having said that I do have to admit that trying to put together the puzzle that is Freddie Mercury is fascinating to me.

It's odd. We know that Freddie avoided confrontation in tough emotional circumstances, yet at the same time he caused conflict to enable his creativity. Didn't he involve Jim Beach in his break up with David Minns? They didn't have a NDA, but I read somewhere that Beach basically told Minns not to reveal details of their relationship. The cold shouldering of Phoebe is another example of avoiding confrontation as is Jim's story of being asked to move out.

I hope others who are reading Phoebe's book will find more to add to this discussion. I could get going on his taste in food, but I know many of you are still working your way through the book and I don't want to take advantage of the fact that I finished it by rushing the discussion.

Thank you, Katy. My only reason for mentioning my situation is to alert others that writing about a loved one's death is a healthy and valuable way to accept great loss. My sense of both Hutton's and Freestone's books (especially Hutton's) is that they really were methods of exorcising their grief over the loss of a partner and friend, respectively. And, to remind all of us that we're attempting to cobble a picture of an enigmatic person/rock star from those who knew him best. That said, it's an impossibility, really, because of conflicting information and the passage of time.

Two final thoughts: I supposed it's fair to say that Hutton's book was probably a little more...salacious(?) in 1994, though it's very tame by today's standards. I'm glad he had help in getting out his story; he'd been sidelined by the Queen Machine and I love it when one of the "little people" sticks it to a corporate entity. No one ever sued him over any of the information or took him to task, which tells me that his story was a true telling--from his point of view, of course.

Secondly, like MHZ, I've always been curious about and a little sad that there's not more information about Joe Fanelli. It's clear that he was very important to FM, but all I've ever found out is that he was from Massachusetts, lived in the UK, but died in the US.

Awww, TUHI, I’m so sorry about your child, I cannot imagine the grief! I can definitely understand the help writing about it would bring, and I can see how hard both Freddie and Jim took that experience. For me, I was really giving what I thought Freddie’s perspective might be. With his views on keeping his things private, and not sharing what was happening to him with even some of his very good friends, I think these books went into more detail than he would want to have revealed, especially Jim’s. I do think Freddie would be fine with them sharing their grief though. But who knows, you are right that we are all just speculating based on things we’ve seen or read, and didn’t know Freddie personally so maybe both Phoebe and Jim did what they thought Freddie would approve. I don’t think that I personally found any of it difficult or too revealing, I can handle the more graphic nature of things. Maybe I was just feeling uncomfortable for Freddie? It’s hard to say. Great conversation!

I understand what you’re saying about Freddie avoiding conflict too, it is disappointing and kind of odd to imagine, especially seeing how bold he was about other things. But that is one thing I tend to share with Freddie, I always hated breaking up with people so I tended to “ghost” them and disappear if I could. If I was like Freddie and could assign someone else to break up for me I would definitely do it, lol! It’s not something I am proud of now and I wish I had been stronger. Especially since in my career I had global teams of hundreds of people and I never had a problem firing people or setting anyone straight on things. Why the difference? I don’t really know, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense. So in that regard I understand Freddie!

Wow, TUHI, all I can offer are my heartfelt and woefully inadequate sympathies! I know that’s not why you shared, but, my heart goes out to you all the same.

If I can expand on “sharing” through writing. I’m sure there are many reasons why they were motivated to do so but, they obviously did so out of love of the “subject”. Not every single person will agree with all they shared or the way they shared but they weren’t trying to be hurtful or hateful and that’s what counts. Here’s a horrible analogy lol; when I was helping my daughter plan her wedding, she was fretting over 150 people enjoying the menu. I told her that it comes down to this: 150 people will have 150 different opinions. They are not there for the food, they are there to help you celebrate an important day, if they can’t do that, that’s not your problem. Enjoy your day and don’t fret the small stuff. Well, in this case, you have thousands of people with thousands of different opinions and you can’t satisfy them all. Jim, Phoebe, Ratty, Thor, etc can only do their best, follow their hearts, be honest and true to their love of Freddie. I think the true culprits are the writers who are only out for the money, don’t care if they are telling the truth or if they hurt people. OK, enough of that!!!

Katy, do love your point of Freddie loving confrontation at times to fuel his creativity and avoiding it at other times. It seems as if he was able to have the argument as long as he was secure in the knowledge that it was a temporary fight vs the emotional upheaval a permanent break up would cause? Temporary adrenaline rush vs long term, permanent absence of someone who filled a void in his life?

Amidds, I agree about the opinions thing not everybody is gonna agree about everything.We all have our own minds and thoughts and Express them .At the end of the day jts what we do that matters.You guys are awesome here I have been reading what you been writing and really enjoy your opinions of the books your reading.

I so agree on the culprits being authors just out for money, Amidds! It is really obvious to see, now that I have read several books, who is out to tell the truth and share insight on Freddie, and who is telling grand and outrageous stories sometimes in order to make a buck. Sad!

So, I have made it through (admittedly stumbling) the vast, detailed "house" and "meal" portions. I feel as if I really don't have any better understanding of the house layout but I do have a couple basic questions for some of you who may have a better memory: I seem to remember reading that the Mews had been sold years back along with the Conservatory being torn down. Has anyone else read that? Thought I also read that Mary had moved down the street years ago?

Another thing I came across that I don't ever remember reading an update on was the animated video that Jim Beach had made for Days of our Lives. Obviously the video was made by the band but I don't remember reading anywhere what, if anything, the video was used for or if it was just shelved. Anyone know?

Last thing....where the hell have you been JB? lol

I recall reading that Mary has moved down the street from GL now, but I didn’t hear anything about Mews being sold or the conservatory torn down. I hope those aren’t true!

I don’t think the animated video for Days of our Lives was released officially, but it is on one of the greatest flix DvDs, I’m pretty sure.

Amidds, She moved to a cottage around the corner.Grounds keepers live in the home I believe.The news was sold I think the property at her age might be a bit large she may have wanted to down size and have more privacy.Living in a rockstars home would have its disadvantages.

I had read that the conservatory was torn down and the mews sold, but I don't remember where I saw that info. I have looked for the conservatory in some more recent pictures I've seen of GL, and I haven't been able to find it, but I was never positive I had spotted it in pictures when it was part of the grounds. Didn't the conservatory serve as the entrance to the mews from the grounds of GL? If so, and the mews was sold, they would no longer need the conservatory.

I have never seen anything definitive about where Mary is living now though I have searched for that info. Every time I read that she's not in the house anymore I search for further info but have never been able to find anything other than rumors. Chevy, do you have a source for your info about a cottage around the corner? And are you saying that groundskeepers are actually living in GL? MHZ, do you happen to recall where you read that Mary had moved?I don't want to think that lovely home is sitting empty.