Oh oh you caught me!
What did I win!? You two sneaks! :P
Saffron Caribou
Thread
Posts in chronological order
Margo
*shrugs*
It wasn't me.
It wasn't me.
FreddiesGhettoTrench
THE FREDDIE SECTION
1. How much money did Jer Bulsara pay to a Zanzibarian photographer to ensure her ugly child came first in a beautiful baby competition?
$200 and a pack of Now or Laters
2. When Freddie was at Eton, he shared a dorm with ex Prime Minister, John Major.What was Freddie's nickname for Major?
For extra credit, in what year was the reason for the nickname legalised?
Magina. it was legalized in the year when he appeared in a porno with Christina Aguilera and a cross dressing midget named Bob.
3. By 1975, Freddie's teeth and chest hair accounted for more than 50% of his body weight. What was the ratio in 1987?
55%, but that was because the weight of teeth changes depending on your distance from the equator
4. Name three of the items Freddie would stuff down the front of his trousers to give the impression he was hung like a shire horse.
a stapler, a typewriter, and Bob Dole
5. In 1982, Freddie attacked Art Garfunkel with a bread stick in a Soho nightclub. To the nearst cm, how much of the breadstick did Art's proctologist retreive?
1 1/2cm
6. Freddie originally wrote the song 'Keep Passing The Open Windows' for the motion picture 'Hotel New Hampshire' starring Robert Downey Jnr. How many of the rooms at the Hotel New Hampshire have en-suite facilities?
69
7. When Queen played the Sidney Opera House on the Works Tour they had to pay for a hole to be drilled in the ceiling to accomidate their huge lighting rig. Freddie subsequently got Paul MaCartney to pay for the same hole when he played the same venue a few nights later. Name three other artists that Freddie sold his hole to.
Roger Taylor, Tony Banks, and the guy from Kansas... Steve Walsh
8. According to Rick Sky's biography of Freddie (The Show Must Go On). Rick believes himself to be a close friend of the late singer. Who the fuck is he trying to kid?
this guy Frank, who's in musical with me, and thinks he's hot shit but Freddie would kick his ass.
9. What happened to Freddie's ashes?
A. They were taken back to Zanzibar by Freddie's parents.
B. They were scattered under a cherry tree at Garden Lodge.
c. Mary used them to grit the path after an icy spell in 1992.
they were sold to my school by Mr. Big from Live and Let Die, and my school was going to use them in their salad but my friend Melissa's older sister intercepted them and they were mailed back to Garden Lodge, however my mailman stole them to do who knows what with
10. To the nearst cm, what was the leangth of Jim Hutton's face after the reading of Freddie's last will and testament?
44cm
THE ROGER SECTION
1. How many ears does Roger have (this one should be easy)
4
2. Why does Roger wear sunglasses indoors?
A. They are prescription sunglasses.
B. He has an allergy to artificial light.
C. He's a ponce.
because Freddie shaved off his eyebrows one day when he was asleep and they never grew back
3. Name the low budget porn flick that Roger starred in in 1972.
Ass Ventura Crack Detective
4. Who would win in a fight between Roger Taylor and Lemme from Motorhead?
hmm, good question
5. In 1987, Roger obtained a high court injunction against the Sun Newspaper, forbidding them from publishing photographs of him leaving a London nightclub with an unidentified woman. Who was the woman and for extra credit which school did she attend?
okay okay it was me!!! and several of my classmates...
6. Roger upset his neighbours by erecting gates to the driveway of his Surrey masion without planning permission. What did he do to make amends.
A. He removed the gates.
B. He apologised and invited his neighbours to a party at his home.
C. He sent each and every one of them a turd in the post.
c, but one of them ended up at my principal's house. he thought it was a cupcake.
7. Roger caused further uproar in the philatic world when he appeared in the background of a stamp commemorating Freddie Mercury. It transpired that the reigning monarch is
1. How much money did Jer Bulsara pay to a Zanzibarian photographer to ensure her ugly child came first in a beautiful baby competition?
$200 and a pack of Now or Laters
2. When Freddie was at Eton, he shared a dorm with ex Prime Minister, John Major.What was Freddie's nickname for Major?
For extra credit, in what year was the reason for the nickname legalised?
Magina. it was legalized in the year when he appeared in a porno with Christina Aguilera and a cross dressing midget named Bob.
3. By 1975, Freddie's teeth and chest hair accounted for more than 50% of his body weight. What was the ratio in 1987?
55%, but that was because the weight of teeth changes depending on your distance from the equator
4. Name three of the items Freddie would stuff down the front of his trousers to give the impression he was hung like a shire horse.
a stapler, a typewriter, and Bob Dole
5. In 1982, Freddie attacked Art Garfunkel with a bread stick in a Soho nightclub. To the nearst cm, how much of the breadstick did Art's proctologist retreive?
1 1/2cm
6. Freddie originally wrote the song 'Keep Passing The Open Windows' for the motion picture 'Hotel New Hampshire' starring Robert Downey Jnr. How many of the rooms at the Hotel New Hampshire have en-suite facilities?
69
7. When Queen played the Sidney Opera House on the Works Tour they had to pay for a hole to be drilled in the ceiling to accomidate their huge lighting rig. Freddie subsequently got Paul MaCartney to pay for the same hole when he played the same venue a few nights later. Name three other artists that Freddie sold his hole to.
Roger Taylor, Tony Banks, and the guy from Kansas... Steve Walsh
8. According to Rick Sky's biography of Freddie (The Show Must Go On). Rick believes himself to be a close friend of the late singer. Who the fuck is he trying to kid?
this guy Frank, who's in musical with me, and thinks he's hot shit but Freddie would kick his ass.
9. What happened to Freddie's ashes?
A. They were taken back to Zanzibar by Freddie's parents.
B. They were scattered under a cherry tree at Garden Lodge.
c. Mary used them to grit the path after an icy spell in 1992.
they were sold to my school by Mr. Big from Live and Let Die, and my school was going to use them in their salad but my friend Melissa's older sister intercepted them and they were mailed back to Garden Lodge, however my mailman stole them to do who knows what with
10. To the nearst cm, what was the leangth of Jim Hutton's face after the reading of Freddie's last will and testament?
44cm
THE ROGER SECTION
1. How many ears does Roger have (this one should be easy)
4
2. Why does Roger wear sunglasses indoors?
A. They are prescription sunglasses.
B. He has an allergy to artificial light.
C. He's a ponce.
because Freddie shaved off his eyebrows one day when he was asleep and they never grew back
3. Name the low budget porn flick that Roger starred in in 1972.
Ass Ventura Crack Detective
4. Who would win in a fight between Roger Taylor and Lemme from Motorhead?
hmm, good question
5. In 1987, Roger obtained a high court injunction against the Sun Newspaper, forbidding them from publishing photographs of him leaving a London nightclub with an unidentified woman. Who was the woman and for extra credit which school did she attend?
okay okay it was me!!! and several of my classmates...
6. Roger upset his neighbours by erecting gates to the driveway of his Surrey masion without planning permission. What did he do to make amends.
A. He removed the gates.
B. He apologised and invited his neighbours to a party at his home.
C. He sent each and every one of them a turd in the post.
c, but one of them ended up at my principal's house. he thought it was a cupcake.
7. Roger caused further uproar in the philatic world when he appeared in the background of a stamp commemorating Freddie Mercury. It transpired that the reigning monarch is
FreddiesGhettoTrench
CONTINUED
2. According to the testimony of the late John Entwhistle of The Who in 'Magic Years Vol 1'. John Deacon should have used a heavier bass. Has the explanation for this private joke ever been revealed and if so what was the cardially challenged philanderer going on about?
it's because John has, um, he's compensating. lol
3. John has a Bsc in electronics and had he not chosen a career in showbusiness could have easily become a qualified spark. How much would it cost to have him fit a shower in a second floor bathroom with quarter inch pipe pressure?
3 easy payments of $19.95
4. In the days before Gary Glitter, Jonathan King and Michael Jackson, it was perfectly acceptable for those in the music industry to talk to children in the street. In the video 'Live In Budapest' John can be seen chatting to a young girl with no sinister overtones at all. What was her name and for extra credit how much shit would he be in if he did that these days?
Jocelyn, and wayyyy big shit.
5.What in the name of god and all that is holy possesed John to wear a suit on the tour promoting 'The Game' that made him look like a domestic science teacher?
it was my hamster.
6. When John was arrested for being in charge of a motor vehicle whilst eleven times over the legal limit for alcohol. What was the response of the arresting officer to John's excuse.
A. I'm a huge fan and could I get an autograph.
B. I'm sorry Mr Deacon but the law is the law.
C. Never heard of you.
C.
7. John was recently photographed at a lap-dancing bar enjoying the attention of a scantily clad young lady. Is it just me or did that woman have tits like spaniel's ears and John could have done a lot better than that flat chested harridan. Discuss.
we all know he really wants Roger dressed as a schoolgirl
8. To whom did John dedicate his first solo album 'Man In The Shadows'?
Margo.
9. To the nearest inch, how thick is the layer of dust that has gathered on John's guitar case.
well, he's got one, but it was signed by George Harrison and we know what's happening THERE.
10. Where would you be most likely to find John these days?
A. Attending the premiere of the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
B. Hard at work in the studio, putting the final touches to his latest solo effort
C. Hiding in the attic of his Surrey mansion, wearing a dressing gown and slippers with a five day growth.
C. hehe
THE BRIAN SECTION
1. When putting Smile together, Brian advertised for a Warren Mitchell/Ginger Rogers type drummer. Who were Warren Mitchell and Ginger Rogers and what did they have to do with drummers?
la la la la ... de do de de
2. Which of the following are not components of the Red Special.
A. A 100 year old mahogony firelace.
B. Motorcycle valve springs
C. 45 cubic tonnes of builder's sand
D. A sixpenny piece
umm... hmm..
3. Rod Stewart wrote the song Maggie May as a tribute to the sister Brian never had. Which of Brian's own compositions had the same dedication.
39. he had 39 sisters he never had, because they all went into the porn industry and were disowned.
4.To the nearest square meter, what area would be covered if Brians neck skin were stretched to it's full capacity.
my hometown.
5. Brian is a keen astronomer. What star sign is he and what are the common traits of his particular sign?
he's really Aquarius cos so am I.
6. Ozzy Ozbourne's wife Saron is a huge fan of Brian. How long before Brian turns up on her god awful chat show spouting some over sentimental bullshit about whatever cause is trendy at the time.
For extra credit how long will it take him to turn the conversation around to that fucking musical?
who's Saron? ;)
7. Brian is a world class Pin Ball player and has only ever been beaten once. Who beat him? (No it wasn't Supertrouper)
a giant toe.
8. In what year did Brian's fans lose what little respect thay had left for him.
2003, when he said he liked Avril Lavinge
9. In what year did Brian lose
2. According to the testimony of the late John Entwhistle of The Who in 'Magic Years Vol 1'. John Deacon should have used a heavier bass. Has the explanation for this private joke ever been revealed and if so what was the cardially challenged philanderer going on about?
it's because John has, um, he's compensating. lol
3. John has a Bsc in electronics and had he not chosen a career in showbusiness could have easily become a qualified spark. How much would it cost to have him fit a shower in a second floor bathroom with quarter inch pipe pressure?
3 easy payments of $19.95
4. In the days before Gary Glitter, Jonathan King and Michael Jackson, it was perfectly acceptable for those in the music industry to talk to children in the street. In the video 'Live In Budapest' John can be seen chatting to a young girl with no sinister overtones at all. What was her name and for extra credit how much shit would he be in if he did that these days?
Jocelyn, and wayyyy big shit.
5.What in the name of god and all that is holy possesed John to wear a suit on the tour promoting 'The Game' that made him look like a domestic science teacher?
it was my hamster.
6. When John was arrested for being in charge of a motor vehicle whilst eleven times over the legal limit for alcohol. What was the response of the arresting officer to John's excuse.
A. I'm a huge fan and could I get an autograph.
B. I'm sorry Mr Deacon but the law is the law.
C. Never heard of you.
C.
7. John was recently photographed at a lap-dancing bar enjoying the attention of a scantily clad young lady. Is it just me or did that woman have tits like spaniel's ears and John could have done a lot better than that flat chested harridan. Discuss.
we all know he really wants Roger dressed as a schoolgirl
8. To whom did John dedicate his first solo album 'Man In The Shadows'?
Margo.
9. To the nearest inch, how thick is the layer of dust that has gathered on John's guitar case.
well, he's got one, but it was signed by George Harrison and we know what's happening THERE.
10. Where would you be most likely to find John these days?
A. Attending the premiere of the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
B. Hard at work in the studio, putting the final touches to his latest solo effort
C. Hiding in the attic of his Surrey mansion, wearing a dressing gown and slippers with a five day growth.
C. hehe
THE BRIAN SECTION
1. When putting Smile together, Brian advertised for a Warren Mitchell/Ginger Rogers type drummer. Who were Warren Mitchell and Ginger Rogers and what did they have to do with drummers?
la la la la ... de do de de
2. Which of the following are not components of the Red Special.
A. A 100 year old mahogony firelace.
B. Motorcycle valve springs
C. 45 cubic tonnes of builder's sand
D. A sixpenny piece
umm... hmm..
3. Rod Stewart wrote the song Maggie May as a tribute to the sister Brian never had. Which of Brian's own compositions had the same dedication.
39. he had 39 sisters he never had, because they all went into the porn industry and were disowned.
4.To the nearest square meter, what area would be covered if Brians neck skin were stretched to it's full capacity.
my hometown.
5. Brian is a keen astronomer. What star sign is he and what are the common traits of his particular sign?
he's really Aquarius cos so am I.
6. Ozzy Ozbourne's wife Saron is a huge fan of Brian. How long before Brian turns up on her god awful chat show spouting some over sentimental bullshit about whatever cause is trendy at the time.
For extra credit how long will it take him to turn the conversation around to that fucking musical?
who's Saron? ;)
7. Brian is a world class Pin Ball player and has only ever been beaten once. Who beat him? (No it wasn't Supertrouper)
a giant toe.
8. In what year did Brian's fans lose what little respect thay had left for him.
2003, when he said he liked Avril Lavinge
9. In what year did Brian lose
geeksandgeeks
Ahhh, Shoujo - John WASN'T molesting you!
Mr. Scully
Absolutely fucking brilliant! Your best post so far, fatty.
Penetration_Guru
1. How much money did Jer Bulsara pay to a Zanzibarian photographer to ensure her ugly child came first in a beautiful baby competition?
Everything he had. It still wasn't enough so Freddie's clothing had to be handed over too, which is why the pic is of just him in a nappy. The photgrapher's son was rumoured to be selling the nappy on Ebay last year.
2. When Freddie was at Eton, he shared a dorm with ex Prime Minister, John Major.What was Freddie's nickname for Major?
For extra credit, in what year was the reason for the nickname legalised?
****** ***** (sorry, censored)
3. By 1975, Freddie's teeth and chest hair accounted for more than 50% of his body weight. What was the ratio in 1987?
65.3%
4. Name three of the items Freddie would stuff down the front of his trousers to give the impression he was hung like a shire horse.
a pigeon
a tin of carrots
the millenium falcon Star Wars toy that he nicked from Brian's collection.
5. In 1982, Freddie attacked Art Garfunkel with a bread stick in a Soho nightclub. To the nearst cm, how much of the breadstick did Art's proctologist retreive?
trick question - the proctologist couldn't reach and a dentist had to be used.
6. Freddie originally wrote the song 'Keep Passing The Open Windows' for the motion picture 'Hotel New Hampshire' starring Robert Downey Jnr. How many of the rooms at the Hotel New Hampshire have en-suite facilities?
All of them
7. When Queen played the Sidney Opera House on the Works Tour they had to pay for a hole to be drilled in the ceiling to accomidate their huge lighting rig. Freddie subsequently got Paul MaCartney to pay for the same hole when he played the same venue a few nights later. Name three other artists that Freddie sold his hole to.
Jackson Pollock
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Milli Vanilli
8. According to Rick Sky's biography of Freddie (The Show Must Go On). Rick believes himself to be a close friend of the late singer. Who the fuck is he trying to kid?
One more mention of Rick Sky and kids in the same sentence and you'll hear from his lawyers...
9. What happened to Freddie's ashes?
A. They were taken back to Zanzibar by Freddie's parents.
B. They were scattered under a cherry tree at Garden Lodge.
c. Mary used them to grit the path after an icy spell in 1992.
Correct. A little goes a long way.
10. To the nearst cm, what was the leangth of Jim Hutton's face after the reading of Freddie's last will and testament?
Double the width.
THE ROGER SECTION
1. How many ears does Roger have (this one should be easy)
Two, plus the other one.
2. Why does Roger wear sunglasses indoors?
A. They are prescription sunglasses.
B. He has an allergy to artificial light.
C. He's a ponce.
Who says it's indoors? Why should we all bend to *your* perspective of the world?
3. Name the low budget porn flick that Roger starred in in 1972.
The Towering Inferno
4. Who would win in a fight between Roger Taylor and Lemme from Motorhead?
boxing or wrestling?
5. In 1987, Roger obtained a high court injunction against the Sun Newspaper, forbidding them from publishing photographs of him leaving a London nightclub with an unidentified woman. Who was the woman and for extra credit which school did she attend?
Princess Diana - no idea which school she went to, but it wasn't the same one as me.
6. Roger upset his neighbours by erecting gates to the driveway of his Surrey masion without planning permission. What did he do to make amends.
A. He removed the gates.
B. He apologised and invited his neighbours to a party at his home.
C. He sent each and every one of them a turd in the post.
d. went on holiday until they'd all moved away
7. Roger caused further uproar in the philatic world when he appeared in the background of a stamp commemorating Freddie Mercury. It transpired that the reigning monarch is the only living person allowed to appear on a stamp and philatilists around the wo
Everything he had. It still wasn't enough so Freddie's clothing had to be handed over too, which is why the pic is of just him in a nappy. The photgrapher's son was rumoured to be selling the nappy on Ebay last year.
2. When Freddie was at Eton, he shared a dorm with ex Prime Minister, John Major.What was Freddie's nickname for Major?
For extra credit, in what year was the reason for the nickname legalised?
****** ***** (sorry, censored)
3. By 1975, Freddie's teeth and chest hair accounted for more than 50% of his body weight. What was the ratio in 1987?
65.3%
4. Name three of the items Freddie would stuff down the front of his trousers to give the impression he was hung like a shire horse.
a pigeon
a tin of carrots
the millenium falcon Star Wars toy that he nicked from Brian's collection.
5. In 1982, Freddie attacked Art Garfunkel with a bread stick in a Soho nightclub. To the nearst cm, how much of the breadstick did Art's proctologist retreive?
trick question - the proctologist couldn't reach and a dentist had to be used.
6. Freddie originally wrote the song 'Keep Passing The Open Windows' for the motion picture 'Hotel New Hampshire' starring Robert Downey Jnr. How many of the rooms at the Hotel New Hampshire have en-suite facilities?
All of them
7. When Queen played the Sidney Opera House on the Works Tour they had to pay for a hole to be drilled in the ceiling to accomidate their huge lighting rig. Freddie subsequently got Paul MaCartney to pay for the same hole when he played the same venue a few nights later. Name three other artists that Freddie sold his hole to.
Jackson Pollock
Andrew Lloyd Webber
Milli Vanilli
8. According to Rick Sky's biography of Freddie (The Show Must Go On). Rick believes himself to be a close friend of the late singer. Who the fuck is he trying to kid?
One more mention of Rick Sky and kids in the same sentence and you'll hear from his lawyers...
9. What happened to Freddie's ashes?
A. They were taken back to Zanzibar by Freddie's parents.
B. They were scattered under a cherry tree at Garden Lodge.
c. Mary used them to grit the path after an icy spell in 1992.
Correct. A little goes a long way.
10. To the nearst cm, what was the leangth of Jim Hutton's face after the reading of Freddie's last will and testament?
Double the width.
THE ROGER SECTION
1. How many ears does Roger have (this one should be easy)
Two, plus the other one.
2. Why does Roger wear sunglasses indoors?
A. They are prescription sunglasses.
B. He has an allergy to artificial light.
C. He's a ponce.
Who says it's indoors? Why should we all bend to *your* perspective of the world?
3. Name the low budget porn flick that Roger starred in in 1972.
The Towering Inferno
4. Who would win in a fight between Roger Taylor and Lemme from Motorhead?
boxing or wrestling?
5. In 1987, Roger obtained a high court injunction against the Sun Newspaper, forbidding them from publishing photographs of him leaving a London nightclub with an unidentified woman. Who was the woman and for extra credit which school did she attend?
Princess Diana - no idea which school she went to, but it wasn't the same one as me.
6. Roger upset his neighbours by erecting gates to the driveway of his Surrey masion without planning permission. What did he do to make amends.
A. He removed the gates.
B. He apologised and invited his neighbours to a party at his home.
C. He sent each and every one of them a turd in the post.
d. went on holiday until they'd all moved away
7. Roger caused further uproar in the philatic world when he appeared in the background of a stamp commemorating Freddie Mercury. It transpired that the reigning monarch is the only living person allowed to appear on a stamp and philatilists around the wo
Penetration_Guru
THE JOHN SECTION
1. Name the rare medical condition that John suffers from causing the hair on his head to be of pubic consistency.
pubicia
2. According to the testimony of the late John Entwhistle of The Who in 'Magic Years Vol 1'. John Deacon should have used a heavier bass. Has the explanation for this private joke ever been revealed and if so what was the cardially challenged philanderer going on about?
Yes.
3. John has a Bsc in electronics and had he not chosen a career in showbusiness could have easily become a qualified spark. How much would it cost to have him fit a shower in a second floor bathroom with quarter inch pipe pressure?
Hmm, that's quite a job, I'll have to get back to you on that. You're not in any hurry are you, only I've got loads on at the moment...
4. In the days before Gary Glitter, Jonathan King and Michael Jackson, it was perfectly acceptable for those in the music industry to talk to children in the street. In the video 'Live In Budapest' John can be seen chatting to a young girl with no sinister overtones at all. What was her name and for extra credit how much shit would he be in if he did that these days?
Emma. Medium heavy with lots of stringy bits.
5.What in the name of god and all that is holy possesed John to wear a suit on the tour promoting 'The Game' that made him look like a domestic science teacher?
Shhhh. It's a secret
6. When John was arrested for being in charge of a motor vehicle whilst eleven times over the legal limit for alcohol. What was the response of the arresting officer to John's excuse.
A. I'm a huge fan and could I get an autograph.
B. I'm sorry Mr Deacon but the law is the law.
C. Never heard of you.
Mind your own business
7. John was recently photographed at a lap-dancing bar enjoying the attention of a scantily clad young lady. Is it just me or did that woman have tits like spaniel's ears and John could have done a lot better than that flat chested harridan. Discuss.
You clearly aren't familiar with the concept of using a small fish to catch a bigger fish. Or you never saw her sister.
8. To whom did John dedicate his first solo album 'Man In The Shadows'?
Me, of course. The follow up is called "Now that you don't smoke can I have your lighter?"
9. To the nearest inch, how thick is the layer of dust that has gathered on John's guitar case.
Zero - daughter number 7 is the cleaner and has learnt to be very thorough. Luckily she inherited her father's hair, so doesn't need a duster.
10. Where would you be most likely to find John these days?
A. Attending the premiere of the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
B. Hard at work in the studio, putting the final touches to his latest solo effort
C. Hiding in the attic of his Surrey mansion, wearing a dressing gown and slippers with a five day growth.
Another trick question. The Mansion is is Buckinghamshire
THE BRIAN SECTION
1. When putting Smile together, Brian advertised for a Warren Mitchell/Ginger Rogers type drummer. Who were Warren Mitchell and Ginger Rogers and what did they have to do with drummers?
Ginger was more of a tapper, I agree, but it worked out ok
2. Which of the following are not components of the Red Special.
A. A 100 year old mahogony firelace.
B. Motorcycle valve springs
C. 45 cubic tonnes of builder's sand
D. A sixpenny piece
d. obviously. The sand goes in the TARDIS section.
3. Rod Stewart wrote the song Maggie May as a tribute to the sister Brian never had. Which of Brian's own compositions had the same dedication.
Fat Bottomed Girls
4.To the nearest square meter, what area would be covered if Brians neck skin were stretched to it's full capacity.
Only 1, surprisingly
5. Brian is a keen astronomer. What star sign is he and what are the common traits of his particular sign?
Arsed. Supreme indifference.
6. Ozzy Ozbourne's wife Saron is a huge fan of Brian. How long before Brian turns up on her god a
1. Name the rare medical condition that John suffers from causing the hair on his head to be of pubic consistency.
pubicia
2. According to the testimony of the late John Entwhistle of The Who in 'Magic Years Vol 1'. John Deacon should have used a heavier bass. Has the explanation for this private joke ever been revealed and if so what was the cardially challenged philanderer going on about?
Yes.
3. John has a Bsc in electronics and had he not chosen a career in showbusiness could have easily become a qualified spark. How much would it cost to have him fit a shower in a second floor bathroom with quarter inch pipe pressure?
Hmm, that's quite a job, I'll have to get back to you on that. You're not in any hurry are you, only I've got loads on at the moment...
4. In the days before Gary Glitter, Jonathan King and Michael Jackson, it was perfectly acceptable for those in the music industry to talk to children in the street. In the video 'Live In Budapest' John can be seen chatting to a young girl with no sinister overtones at all. What was her name and for extra credit how much shit would he be in if he did that these days?
Emma. Medium heavy with lots of stringy bits.
5.What in the name of god and all that is holy possesed John to wear a suit on the tour promoting 'The Game' that made him look like a domestic science teacher?
Shhhh. It's a secret
6. When John was arrested for being in charge of a motor vehicle whilst eleven times over the legal limit for alcohol. What was the response of the arresting officer to John's excuse.
A. I'm a huge fan and could I get an autograph.
B. I'm sorry Mr Deacon but the law is the law.
C. Never heard of you.
Mind your own business
7. John was recently photographed at a lap-dancing bar enjoying the attention of a scantily clad young lady. Is it just me or did that woman have tits like spaniel's ears and John could have done a lot better than that flat chested harridan. Discuss.
You clearly aren't familiar with the concept of using a small fish to catch a bigger fish. Or you never saw her sister.
8. To whom did John dedicate his first solo album 'Man In The Shadows'?
Me, of course. The follow up is called "Now that you don't smoke can I have your lighter?"
9. To the nearest inch, how thick is the layer of dust that has gathered on John's guitar case.
Zero - daughter number 7 is the cleaner and has learnt to be very thorough. Luckily she inherited her father's hair, so doesn't need a duster.
10. Where would you be most likely to find John these days?
A. Attending the premiere of the latest Hollywood blockbuster.
B. Hard at work in the studio, putting the final touches to his latest solo effort
C. Hiding in the attic of his Surrey mansion, wearing a dressing gown and slippers with a five day growth.
Another trick question. The Mansion is is Buckinghamshire
THE BRIAN SECTION
1. When putting Smile together, Brian advertised for a Warren Mitchell/Ginger Rogers type drummer. Who were Warren Mitchell and Ginger Rogers and what did they have to do with drummers?
Ginger was more of a tapper, I agree, but it worked out ok
2. Which of the following are not components of the Red Special.
A. A 100 year old mahogony firelace.
B. Motorcycle valve springs
C. 45 cubic tonnes of builder's sand
D. A sixpenny piece
d. obviously. The sand goes in the TARDIS section.
3. Rod Stewart wrote the song Maggie May as a tribute to the sister Brian never had. Which of Brian's own compositions had the same dedication.
Fat Bottomed Girls
4.To the nearest square meter, what area would be covered if Brians neck skin were stretched to it's full capacity.
Only 1, surprisingly
5. Brian is a keen astronomer. What star sign is he and what are the common traits of his particular sign?
Arsed. Supreme indifference.
6. Ozzy Ozbourne's wife Saron is a huge fan of Brian. How long before Brian turns up on her god a
Spisso
Nice one, fatty
inu-liger
THE FANS SECTION (WARNING: some of these are serious questions)
3. Who coined the phrase 'Stepford Fan'?
A. Your Valentine?
6. Where did Ted claim to be from.
A. Glasgow
8. Which of the following would make Taylormayed happiest?
A. The love of a good woman.
B. A Queen Box Set in 2004
C. A new series of Dr Who with Brian May in the title role
A. C
9. If Chad Hanging's collected posts were printed out on A4 paper and piled on top of each other, would there be snow on the top?
A. It would reach the Canadarm in space, if not the moon. The snow would only reach half of the pile!
10. Pair up the following Zoners with their better halves
Erin, Eggy, Leah Lurex, Eric, Fatty-Raspy, Demeter, Dark Myuutwo, Khashoggi, Pieter.
A. Dark Myuutwo - Leah Lurex
11. Which of the following would you not find in a post from Charles Baer.
A. The word Penis
B. The phrase 'Get It On!'
C. A single coherant sentence.
A. C
12. Name the fictional band that Jake Britt claimed to play with.
A. Alliance
13. How many children born in England in the past few years bear a striking resemblance to either Flashman or Archie Leach?
A. Enough to fill the British Parliament (and not leave room for Tony Blair's party)
14. Thanks to Taylormayed and fatty, Penetration Guru has been portrayed as a two dimensional stereotype for quite some time. What is this stereotypical image?
A. A dark man in a street corner, in a trench-coat, smoking a fag, on a dark night
19. If Bob the Shrek and Jake Britt were left alone in a windowless room for more than three minutes, how many gallons of Cif cream would be needed to remove the bloodstains from the walls?
A. A thousand?
20. Which zoner can be best described in just three words? Dutch, Fat & Deluded.
A. Damn. It can't be me, cos I only qualify for the Deluded part. I don't know :P
3. Who coined the phrase 'Stepford Fan'?
A. Your Valentine?
6. Where did Ted claim to be from.
A. Glasgow
8. Which of the following would make Taylormayed happiest?
A. The love of a good woman.
B. A Queen Box Set in 2004
C. A new series of Dr Who with Brian May in the title role
A. C
9. If Chad Hanging's collected posts were printed out on A4 paper and piled on top of each other, would there be snow on the top?
A. It would reach the Canadarm in space, if not the moon. The snow would only reach half of the pile!
10. Pair up the following Zoners with their better halves
Erin, Eggy, Leah Lurex, Eric, Fatty-Raspy, Demeter, Dark Myuutwo, Khashoggi, Pieter.
A. Dark Myuutwo - Leah Lurex
11. Which of the following would you not find in a post from Charles Baer.
A. The word Penis
B. The phrase 'Get It On!'
C. A single coherant sentence.
A. C
12. Name the fictional band that Jake Britt claimed to play with.
A. Alliance
13. How many children born in England in the past few years bear a striking resemblance to either Flashman or Archie Leach?
A. Enough to fill the British Parliament (and not leave room for Tony Blair's party)
14. Thanks to Taylormayed and fatty, Penetration Guru has been portrayed as a two dimensional stereotype for quite some time. What is this stereotypical image?
A. A dark man in a street corner, in a trench-coat, smoking a fag, on a dark night
19. If Bob the Shrek and Jake Britt were left alone in a windowless room for more than three minutes, how many gallons of Cif cream would be needed to remove the bloodstains from the walls?
A. A thousand?
20. Which zoner can be best described in just three words? Dutch, Fat & Deluded.
A. Damn. It can't be me, cos I only qualify for the Deluded part. I don't know :P