The Mad Hatter
Genius Fatty!! I love it, keep them coming!!
Thread
Posts in chronological order
Voice of Reason 2018
August 1984.
Done a gig in Dublin tonight.
Got back to the hotel and a fan managed to squeeze around the parked vehicles to shake my hand! Aren't my minders meant to protect me from this?
This fan is probably the sort of obsessive who'll win the Queen mastermind at the Fan Club conventions when they start in a couple of years time.
And so very obviously heterosexual! I had to shower to rid myself of the working-class stench.
Not coming back to Ireland unless we play at a Castle.
Done a gig in Dublin tonight.
Got back to the hotel and a fan managed to squeeze around the parked vehicles to shake my hand! Aren't my minders meant to protect me from this?
This fan is probably the sort of obsessive who'll win the Queen mastermind at the Fan Club conventions when they start in a couple of years time.
And so very obviously heterosexual! I had to shower to rid myself of the working-class stench.
Not coming back to Ireland unless we play at a Castle.
Pluto
keep them comming fatty
SergeantPepperDG
WRITE MORE!
LiveAidQueen
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]fatty wrote: [/QUOTENAME]18th
13th JULY 1985
Dear Diary
Well today is the big day. There's quite a crowd in the house today and we are all watching the beginning of the concert on telly. I noticed Jim, Roger, Brian and Crystal sitting behind Charles and Di at the opening ceremony. I'll bet you a pound to piece of shit that Crystal is trying to get into Diana's knickers. Well the car is here to pick us up so I'll write again tomorrow.
F.M.
14th JULY 1985
Dear Diary
I think yesterdays performance is one of the finest we have put on in years. Ok so we were only on stage for twenty minutes or so but it went really well for us. Brian & I came back on later to perform 'Is This The World We Created?' and some twat fucked it up by doing a sound check during our set. Rest assured that bugger is now floating down the Thames with a guitar string tightly wound around his neck. When we got back we watched the whole show which Pheobe had videoed for us. Status Quo weren't too bad but Rick's nose looked a little odd. If he doesn't take it easy with the charlie he's going to end up with one big nostril.
Poor old Adam Ant wasn't exactly on top form was he. A performance as bad as that can send a guy doolally and I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up one morning and read in the paper that he had been flung in a looney bin for waving a gun around or something.
I will have to have words with Phil Collins and Howard Jones. I leant them my prized white grand piano for the show and they both had drinks sitting on top off it. Have these buggers never heard of coasters before? I think I'll send them a turd in the post.
Elton wasn't bad either but the guy who came on to sing with him was fantastic. I think his name's George Michael or something. What a voice and more importantly, what a body. It's a pity he's straight.
Bowie was on top form for a change. As a performer I like him but he has a bad habit of making a prick of himself with some symbolic gesture. I swear to god, if I ever get hit by a bus and killed and someone puts on a concert in aid of me, I don't want Bowie within a million miles of it. The twat would probabaly end up on one knee reciting the Lord's prayer or something.
On the whole it was a good day and we raised a lot of money for starving kids in Africa. We also discovered we enjoyed playing together again as a band. Tomorrow I'll ring the lads and we'll arrange to get together in the studio. We might even record a song inspired by Live Aid and then the good old fasioned British press can rip the piss out of us for cashing in on an African famine.
F.M.
[/QUOTE]
:-)
13th JULY 1985
Dear Diary
Well today is the big day. There's quite a crowd in the house today and we are all watching the beginning of the concert on telly. I noticed Jim, Roger, Brian and Crystal sitting behind Charles and Di at the opening ceremony. I'll bet you a pound to piece of shit that Crystal is trying to get into Diana's knickers. Well the car is here to pick us up so I'll write again tomorrow.
F.M.
14th JULY 1985
Dear Diary
I think yesterdays performance is one of the finest we have put on in years. Ok so we were only on stage for twenty minutes or so but it went really well for us. Brian & I came back on later to perform 'Is This The World We Created?' and some twat fucked it up by doing a sound check during our set. Rest assured that bugger is now floating down the Thames with a guitar string tightly wound around his neck. When we got back we watched the whole show which Pheobe had videoed for us. Status Quo weren't too bad but Rick's nose looked a little odd. If he doesn't take it easy with the charlie he's going to end up with one big nostril.
Poor old Adam Ant wasn't exactly on top form was he. A performance as bad as that can send a guy doolally and I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up one morning and read in the paper that he had been flung in a looney bin for waving a gun around or something.
I will have to have words with Phil Collins and Howard Jones. I leant them my prized white grand piano for the show and they both had drinks sitting on top off it. Have these buggers never heard of coasters before? I think I'll send them a turd in the post.
Elton wasn't bad either but the guy who came on to sing with him was fantastic. I think his name's George Michael or something. What a voice and more importantly, what a body. It's a pity he's straight.
Bowie was on top form for a change. As a performer I like him but he has a bad habit of making a prick of himself with some symbolic gesture. I swear to god, if I ever get hit by a bus and killed and someone puts on a concert in aid of me, I don't want Bowie within a million miles of it. The twat would probabaly end up on one knee reciting the Lord's prayer or something.
On the whole it was a good day and we raised a lot of money for starving kids in Africa. We also discovered we enjoyed playing together again as a band. Tomorrow I'll ring the lads and we'll arrange to get together in the studio. We might even record a song inspired by Live Aid and then the good old fasioned British press can rip the piss out of us for cashing in on an African famine.
F.M.
[/QUOTE]
:-)
SergeantPepperDG
I printed this out and I was reading in all day during school. It was really hard trying not to laugh in class.
Fenderek
One of my absolutely afv threads on QZ ever! There was another one, when Freddie was visited on his death bed by Rog and Bri and John but i think this one got lost... I can't find it even on the old board :(
Mr Mercury
Still funny even after all this time!!
Suigi
Can't...stop...laughing!!
At which point do these diary entries end?
I noticed that he's got at least one post-death, maybe there's something from beyond the grave.
(I daren't do one, b/c I can't get the man's personality down at all)
By the way, what other topics have you inundated with this comic gold?
I do believe a Collected Workes of Fatty is in order.
At which point do these diary entries end?
I noticed that he's got at least one post-death, maybe there's something from beyond the grave.
(I daren't do one, b/c I can't get the man's personality down at all)
By the way, what other topics have you inundated with this comic gold?
I do believe a Collected Workes of Fatty is in order.
Sergei.
I just thought I would bring this topic up again since it is such a classic!
LOL i love these entries, fatty!
LOL i love these entries, fatty!
Sebastian
Fred didn't post from beyond the grave, he had separated 25th November to listen to Roger's solo albums, and of course he never could (that's the joke about that entry).
And yes I think this thread should be sticky.
Cheers Fatty!!!!!
And yes I think this thread should be sticky.
Cheers Fatty!!!!!
The Real Wizard
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Fenderek wrote: [/QUOTENAME]One of my absolutely afv threads on QZ ever! There was another one, when Freddie was visited on his death bed by Rog and Bri and John but i think this one got lost... I can't find it even on the old board :([/QUOTE]
I saved this one. Enjoy (again)!!
----------------------------------------
Saturday 23rd November 1991, Garden Lodge, London.
Roger, Brian & John have come to say their final goodbyes to Freddie.
Roger, Brian & John poke their heads around Freddie's bedroom door.
Brian: Hi Fred, it's us. Can we come in?
Freddie: Well to tell you the truth 'Noel's House Party' has just started. Can you come back in about an hour?
Brian: (looking slightly perplexed) er...ok.
An hour or so later Roger, Brian & John peek around the bedroom door again.
Roger: Is it ok to come in now Freddie?
Freddie: Oh sorry dear, but 'Blind Date' has just started and I want to see if Wayne and Donna hit it off on their weekend to Skegness.
Roger: Er.....em...Well shall we come back in another hour or so?
Freddie: Yes, you do that dear and if you see Pheobe on your travels ask him to bring me up a cup of tea and some wagon wheels, would you?
Roger: Er...ok.
An hour later the three of them trot back upstairs and into Freddie's bedroom.
Brain: Can we please come in now Fred?
Freddie picks up a copy of TV QUICK and reads the listings for Saturday night.
Freddie: Hmmmmmmmmm...Ok, you've got half an hour. 'Murder She Wrote' is on at 10.
Roger and Brian sit in chairs beside the bed while John parks himself at Freddie's feet.
Roger: Well Freddie, how are you feeling?
Freddie: Oh you mean apart from the chronic mouth sores, ulcers and crippling agonising pain of drawing breath.
Roger: Yeah.
Freddie: Not too bad.
At this point Pheobe enters the bedroom carrying a tray of tea and Jaffa Cakes.
Freddie beckons Pheobe over to him and whispers something in his ear.
Pheobe takes the plate of Jaffa Cakes away and returns a minute or so later with a plate of plain digestives.
Freddie: Well boys, I suppose you know why I've called you here tonight. It looks like this thing has finally got the better of me and I don't think I'm going to be around much longer.
John: What thing?
Freddie: You know, my condition.
John: I'm sorry I haven't got a fucking clue what you're talking about.
Freddie: AIDS.
John: Who's got AIDS?
Freddie: I've got AIDS?
John: Well this all news to me.
Freddie: Oh of course you weren't at the last meeting were you?
John: No I was on holiday in Beliz.
Brian: (interupting) Look John, Freddie explained to us at our last meeting that he had contracted HIV in the eighties and it was now full blown and he didn't have long to live.
John: But how did you catch AIDS? I thought that only affected drug users and homosexuals.
Roger: For fuck's sake John, don't tell me you didn't know that Freddie was gay.
Brian: I think you missed that meeting too.
Brian hands John a folder containing the minutes of the last twenty years band meetings.
Freddie: While John is catching up I want to straighten out one or two things with you two.
Roger & Brian: OK.
Freddie: First of all, the name Queen dies with me.
Brian: AWWWWW Freddie!
Freddie: No arguments Brian. I don't mind you and Roger going off on your own projests but Queen dies with me.
Roger: Can't we carry on as a three peice band?
Freddie: I don't think John will be able to cope without me to look after him. Just look at the poor bugger.
Freddie points to John who looks up from the papers in the folder.
John: Did we really release Bohemian Rhapsody as a single?
Freddie: You were in Torquay when we had that meeting dear.
John shrugs his shoulders and goes back to reading.
Freddie: (to Roger & Brian) See what I mean.
Brian: So what does the future hold for Roger and me?
Freddie: Don't worry about
I saved this one. Enjoy (again)!!
----------------------------------------
Saturday 23rd November 1991, Garden Lodge, London.
Roger, Brian & John have come to say their final goodbyes to Freddie.
Roger, Brian & John poke their heads around Freddie's bedroom door.
Brian: Hi Fred, it's us. Can we come in?
Freddie: Well to tell you the truth 'Noel's House Party' has just started. Can you come back in about an hour?
Brian: (looking slightly perplexed) er...ok.
An hour or so later Roger, Brian & John peek around the bedroom door again.
Roger: Is it ok to come in now Freddie?
Freddie: Oh sorry dear, but 'Blind Date' has just started and I want to see if Wayne and Donna hit it off on their weekend to Skegness.
Roger: Er.....em...Well shall we come back in another hour or so?
Freddie: Yes, you do that dear and if you see Pheobe on your travels ask him to bring me up a cup of tea and some wagon wheels, would you?
Roger: Er...ok.
An hour later the three of them trot back upstairs and into Freddie's bedroom.
Brain: Can we please come in now Fred?
Freddie picks up a copy of TV QUICK and reads the listings for Saturday night.
Freddie: Hmmmmmmmmm...Ok, you've got half an hour. 'Murder She Wrote' is on at 10.
Roger and Brian sit in chairs beside the bed while John parks himself at Freddie's feet.
Roger: Well Freddie, how are you feeling?
Freddie: Oh you mean apart from the chronic mouth sores, ulcers and crippling agonising pain of drawing breath.
Roger: Yeah.
Freddie: Not too bad.
At this point Pheobe enters the bedroom carrying a tray of tea and Jaffa Cakes.
Freddie beckons Pheobe over to him and whispers something in his ear.
Pheobe takes the plate of Jaffa Cakes away and returns a minute or so later with a plate of plain digestives.
Freddie: Well boys, I suppose you know why I've called you here tonight. It looks like this thing has finally got the better of me and I don't think I'm going to be around much longer.
John: What thing?
Freddie: You know, my condition.
John: I'm sorry I haven't got a fucking clue what you're talking about.
Freddie: AIDS.
John: Who's got AIDS?
Freddie: I've got AIDS?
John: Well this all news to me.
Freddie: Oh of course you weren't at the last meeting were you?
John: No I was on holiday in Beliz.
Brian: (interupting) Look John, Freddie explained to us at our last meeting that he had contracted HIV in the eighties and it was now full blown and he didn't have long to live.
John: But how did you catch AIDS? I thought that only affected drug users and homosexuals.
Roger: For fuck's sake John, don't tell me you didn't know that Freddie was gay.
Brian: I think you missed that meeting too.
Brian hands John a folder containing the minutes of the last twenty years band meetings.
Freddie: While John is catching up I want to straighten out one or two things with you two.
Roger & Brian: OK.
Freddie: First of all, the name Queen dies with me.
Brian: AWWWWW Freddie!
Freddie: No arguments Brian. I don't mind you and Roger going off on your own projests but Queen dies with me.
Roger: Can't we carry on as a three peice band?
Freddie: I don't think John will be able to cope without me to look after him. Just look at the poor bugger.
Freddie points to John who looks up from the papers in the folder.
John: Did we really release Bohemian Rhapsody as a single?
Freddie: You were in Torquay when we had that meeting dear.
John shrugs his shoulders and goes back to reading.
Freddie: (to Roger & Brian) See what I mean.
Brian: So what does the future hold for Roger and me?
Freddie: Don't worry about
Sebastian
Priceless. And again I curse the fact I didn't come up with such thing.
Sergei.
I believe that Fenderek's thread, "Fatty's pieces-if you have a sense of humour you'll LOVE these" should be made sticky because they contain links to all of fatty's classics and we have easy access to them whenever we are in need of a good laugh.
blerp
These are so funny! The one that Sir GH saved is fantastic :)
I also really like the Sheer Heart Attack entry.
I also really like the Sheer Heart Attack entry.