Here is az thread to post some of your favorite jokes ;^)...
A guy walking in the park decides to sit down on the park bench. There is an old man sitting on the other side of the bench. The man notices that he was crying and asks him what was the matter.
The old man said, "I'm 84 years old. My wife is 22 years old. She cooks for me, cleans for me, and we have sex three times a day."
"Then why are you crying?"
"I can't remember where I live."
lol...
Your turn...
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I heard that joke last week. ;^)
A neutron walks in to a bar and asks the bar keep 'How much is your finest beer'. The bar keep takes one look at him and says 'For you, no charge'' Hahahaha!
Did you hear about the plastic surgeon?
He melted in front of his fireplace.
He melted in front of his fireplace.
I was sitting in my living room last night, the curtains were drawn but the rest of the furnature was real ;)
Once there was were three guys that were standing at the top of a bilding. One had a knife, another had a brick, and the last one had a bomb. The first one dropped the knive off the building and then he went down and saw a little kid that was crying. He asked him why he was crying and the little boy said, "Somebody dropped a knife off the building and hurt my dog."
The next guy dropped the brick off the building then went down and saw a little girl crying. He asked the little girl why she was crying and she said, "Somebody dropped a brick and hurt my mom!"
The last guy dropped the bomb and then went down and saw an old lady laghing. He asked her why she was laghing and she said, "I farted and the house blew up!"
hehe
there are different variations for this joke though :-P
The next guy dropped the brick off the building then went down and saw a little girl crying. He asked the little girl why she was crying and she said, "Somebody dropped a brick and hurt my mom!"
The last guy dropped the bomb and then went down and saw an old lady laghing. He asked her why she was laghing and she said, "I farted and the house blew up!"
hehe
there are different variations for this joke though :-P
HA
i just found this one
it's funny :-P
This useful tool is commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. It is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.
In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.
Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft.
After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emmanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. Ah yes, such are the characteristics of one's toothbrush!
i just found this one
it's funny :-P
This useful tool is commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. It is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.
In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.
Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft.
After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emmanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. Ah yes, such are the characteristics of one's toothbrush!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Okay. I'm done laughing.
What's pink & hairy and falls off of walls?
Humpty Cunt
Humpty Cunt
There was a father who was very proud of his three daughters. Every night he took a stroll around the house to make sure everything was all right.
One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughter coming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for a while and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that he could always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at this time of the night.
When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hear her crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decided to ask her tomorrow and continued.
There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter's room, and he then went to bed, satisfied.
The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfast table, he said to his youngest daughter "I heard you laughing last night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to laugh when someone was making me happy..."
He then asked his second daughter "I heard you crying last night, why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to cry when someone was making me hurt..."
He then told his oldest daughter "I didn't hear anything from you..."
She said "That's because you taught me not to talk with my mouth full..."
One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughter coming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for a while and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that he could always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at this time of the night.
When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hear her crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decided to ask her tomorrow and continued.
There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter's room, and he then went to bed, satisfied.
The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfast table, he said to his youngest daughter "I heard you laughing last night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to laugh when someone was making me happy..."
He then asked his second daughter "I heard you crying last night, why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to cry when someone was making me hurt..."
He then told his oldest daughter "I didn't hear anything from you..."
She said "That's because you taught me not to talk with my mouth full..."
Uhm, maybe I really am a wee bit daft, but I don't get that last one...
Ja ne!
Ja ne!
Ooh! I get it now! I had to reread it twice Haha... I love a good, dirty joke now and then- actually, all the time!
Mickey Mouse goes to court to file for divorce from Minnie. After telling the judge why he wants to get divorced, the judge tells Mickey...
- I consider that insanity is not a good enough reason for you to file for divorce.
Then Mickey says:
- Insanity?? I didn't say she was insane... I SAID SHE WAS FUCKIN' GOOFY!
- I consider that insanity is not a good enough reason for you to file for divorce.
Then Mickey says:
- Insanity?? I didn't say she was insane... I SAID SHE WAS FUCKIN' GOOFY!
I once read a whole book a dirty jokes in one day. Hehe. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET YOUR FIVE-YEAR-OLD WATCH "THE FULL MONTY"!!!
3 men died and went to heaven. They come to heavens gate and St. Peter is standing there and says that they have all been very decent human beings and they were getting into heaven. But he says that heaven is pretty large so they would each recieve transportation based on how faithful they were to their wives.
The first guy says he was pretty faithful to his wife. He did kiss another woman and flirted a lot but nothing major.
A Ford Escort comes down and he drives away happy.
The second guy comes up and says he flirted once or twice but he never did anything unfaithful.
A Honda Accord drives up and he leaves happy.
The third guy says he never did anything unfaithful and he didnt flirt.
A gold lexus drives up and he starts to cry.
St peter says why are you crying and he says there goes my wife on roller skates...
The first guy says he was pretty faithful to his wife. He did kiss another woman and flirted a lot but nothing major.
A Ford Escort comes down and he drives away happy.
The second guy comes up and says he flirted once or twice but he never did anything unfaithful.
A Honda Accord drives up and he leaves happy.
The third guy says he never did anything unfaithful and he didnt flirt.
A gold lexus drives up and he starts to cry.
St peter says why are you crying and he says there goes my wife on roller skates...