I was thinking of posting that one! My friend told me that one a few weeks ago. She also told me this one (it's kinda stupid, but still funny).
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many?
6
Why?
It just DOES, OKAY??
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Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp who bought a wharehouse?
ok i got one!!!!
there were two men sittin in a bar. their names were richard and mark.
mark saw richard looking into a box.
"whats in there richard?" mark asked.
"a 9 inch pianist playing a piano." mark said
"wow, how did you get that?"richard asked.
"i saw a genie in the forest and made a wish." mark answered.
richard wanted to make a wish also, so he went into the forest.
he waited for a couple of hours until he found the genie's lamp. he rubbed it and the genie popped out.
"you may have ONE wish" said the genie.
richard though about it and then said, "ok..i want a thousand bucks (money)"
"youre wish is my comand." said the genie.
infront of richard popped a thousand ducks.
"This isnt what i wished fore!" richard sceamed.
"i'm sorry, i'm a little deaf." said the genie.
richard went back to the bar and went to mark.
"The genie gave me a thousand ducks instead of bucks!" richard said with an angry voice.
mark turned to him and asked, "do you think i asked for a 9 inch pianist?"
there were two men sittin in a bar. their names were richard and mark.
mark saw richard looking into a box.
"whats in there richard?" mark asked.
"a 9 inch pianist playing a piano." mark said
"wow, how did you get that?"richard asked.
"i saw a genie in the forest and made a wish." mark answered.
richard wanted to make a wish also, so he went into the forest.
he waited for a couple of hours until he found the genie's lamp. he rubbed it and the genie popped out.
"you may have ONE wish" said the genie.
richard though about it and then said, "ok..i want a thousand bucks (money)"
"youre wish is my comand." said the genie.
infront of richard popped a thousand ducks.
"This isnt what i wished fore!" richard sceamed.
"i'm sorry, i'm a little deaf." said the genie.
richard went back to the bar and went to mark.
"The genie gave me a thousand ducks instead of bucks!" richard said with an angry voice.
mark turned to him and asked, "do you think i asked for a 9 inch pianist?"
sorry..i kinda got the names mixed up in the beggining of the joke
This has got to be one of my favorite topics so far.
Glad my topic could bring you all happiness, lol...
A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says "Hey buddy, why the long face?" lol
A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says "Hey buddy, why the long face?" lol
On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES."
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Kid with ADD.
Kidd with ADD who?
You wanna ride a bike?
Who's there?
Kid with ADD.
Kidd with ADD who?
You wanna ride a bike?
How did the ADD kid cross the road?
You wanna ride a bike?
You wanna ride a bike?
ha
i tried telling that first kid with ADD joke to my friend last night...
this is how it went...
me: KNOCK KNOCK
-*waits*
me: ...
-*waits again*
me: KNOCK KNOCK!!!
-*waits*
her: ahh!! who's there?
me: kid with ADD
-*waits*
me: ...bah you're too slow... you suck...
-*waits*
her: kid with ADD who?
me: -_-
me: wanna ride a bike?
me: it would be funnier if you weren't so slow to answer :-P
me: ...wait... i think i was part of the joke just now... AHH!!!!!!!
i tried telling that first kid with ADD joke to my friend last night...
this is how it went...
me: KNOCK KNOCK
-*waits*
me: ...
-*waits again*
me: KNOCK KNOCK!!!
-*waits*
her: ahh!! who's there?
me: kid with ADD
-*waits*
me: ...bah you're too slow... you suck...
-*waits*
her: kid with ADD who?
me: -_-
me: wanna ride a bike?
me: it would be funnier if you weren't so slow to answer :-P
me: ...wait... i think i was part of the joke just now... AHH!!!!!!!
A Blonde was leaving work after a long day only to find it had snowed quite a few inches during the day. She was very upset by this because she had just gotten her drivers license that summer and hadn't driven in snow yet.
Then she remembered what her father had told her to do in snowy conditions. "Just get behind a snow plough truck," he said, "and you won't have anything to worry about."
Sure enough, a truck came by. Relieved, she started to follow it. After about 20 mins. or so, the truck stopped and the driver came back and knocked on her window. "Ma'am, I noticed you've been following me for the last 20 minutes." "It's ok," she said to him. "My father told me to follow the plough truck whenever it snows so that I will be safe driving."
"Ok, ma'am," he replied back. "Just to let you know, when I'm done here, I'm going across the street to the Wal-Mart and do they're parking lot next!"
Then she remembered what her father had told her to do in snowy conditions. "Just get behind a snow plough truck," he said, "and you won't have anything to worry about."
Sure enough, a truck came by. Relieved, she started to follow it. After about 20 mins. or so, the truck stopped and the driver came back and knocked on her window. "Ma'am, I noticed you've been following me for the last 20 minutes." "It's ok," she said to him. "My father told me to follow the plough truck whenever it snows so that I will be safe driving."
"Ok, ma'am," he replied back. "Just to let you know, when I'm done here, I'm going across the street to the Wal-Mart and do they're parking lot next!"
I would just like to state that I am unhappy with Tick for telling me a blonde joke today.
Hmph.
Hmph.
A man is mowing his garden. Next door, a blonde keeps coming in and out of her house, opening her mail box and sighing, then going back inside.
On the third time, the man shouts "why do you keep looking in your mail box?"
The blonde says "well, my computer keeps telling me i have mail, but i dont!"
On the third time, the man shouts "why do you keep looking in your mail box?"
The blonde says "well, my computer keeps telling me i have mail, but i dont!"
ok i got another one
this was on a website so dont think i made it up
please don't take this offencive..its only a joke
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens kept in the hen house out in the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that this was the time the cock fights occurred in the village. So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women and a quarter of the men stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the altar boys stood up.
this was on a website so dont think i made it up
please don't take this offencive..its only a joke
The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens kept in the hen house out in the back of the parish rectory. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens. One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing and the priest suspected that this was the time the cock fights occurred in the village. So he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?" All the men stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"
All the women stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"
Half the women and a quarter of the men stood up.
"No, No," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?"
All the altar boys stood up.
i have another one
gorge bush is in the mall when he sees moses..he calls moses many times and moses rudly turns his head and walks away.
after a while mr. bush goes up to moses and says..hey, ive been calling you. how come you dont turn or at least talk to me?
moses looks at him with an angry face and says...cuz last time i talked to a bush i was stuck in the dessert for 40 years!
gorge bush is in the mall when he sees moses..he calls moses many times and moses rudly turns his head and walks away.
after a while mr. bush goes up to moses and says..hey, ive been calling you. how come you dont turn or at least talk to me?
moses looks at him with an angry face and says...cuz last time i talked to a bush i was stuck in the dessert for 40 years!