Two jokes that are funny only because they are so stupid...
Have you heard of the magic tractor?
It went down the road and turned into a field.
A snail walks onto a beach full of slugs:
"Ooooh! I didn't know this was a nudist beach!"
Sorry... I couldn't resist!
Thread
Posts in chronological order
A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving". The mother went in and told her son, "we don't use that kind of language in this house." Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".
"For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen."
Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".
"For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the bitch in the kitchen."
Two kids named Fuck You and Trouble were walking around town on a Saturday afternoon. They eventually get bored and decide to shoplift some comics. The comicbook store was closed, so they tried to smash a window with a rock. It set off an alarm and the police were on their way. As the cops rounded the corner, Trouble took off terrified. A cop stepped out of his car and came up to Fuck You.
"What's your name?" "Fuck You" "Kid, tell me your name" "Fuck You" The cop sighs "Son, are you looking for trouble?" "Yeah and when I do I'm going to kick his ass!"
And another...
Johnny (yes, one of those jokes!) spent a weekend at his grandparent's. His grandfather decided to take him fishing, in hopes to bond with his young grandson. Grandma packs their things and soon they head out. After waiting at the lake for half an hour, Grandpa pulls out a beer. Johnny asks "What's that?"
"It's a beer"
"Can I have one?"
"Do your balls touch your asshole?"
"No"
"Then you can't have one"
About 20 minutes later, Grandpa pulls a cigar out of his pocket and lights up.
"What's that?"
"It's a cigar"
"Can I have one?"
"Do your balls touch your asshole?"
"No"
"Then you can't have one"
A few minutes later, Johnny pulls a bag of cookies (biscuits to you UK-ers) from his bag. Grandpa asks
"What are those?"
"Cookies"
"Can I have one?"
"Do your balls touch your asshole?"
"Yes"
"Then go fuck yourself because Grandma made these for ME!!!"
:-D
"What's your name?" "Fuck You" "Kid, tell me your name" "Fuck You" The cop sighs "Son, are you looking for trouble?" "Yeah and when I do I'm going to kick his ass!"
And another...
Johnny (yes, one of those jokes!) spent a weekend at his grandparent's. His grandfather decided to take him fishing, in hopes to bond with his young grandson. Grandma packs their things and soon they head out. After waiting at the lake for half an hour, Grandpa pulls out a beer. Johnny asks "What's that?"
"It's a beer"
"Can I have one?"
"Do your balls touch your asshole?"
"No"
"Then you can't have one"
About 20 minutes later, Grandpa pulls a cigar out of his pocket and lights up.
"What's that?"
"It's a cigar"
"Can I have one?"
"Do your balls touch your asshole?"
"No"
"Then you can't have one"
A few minutes later, Johnny pulls a bag of cookies (biscuits to you UK-ers) from his bag. Grandpa asks
"What are those?"
"Cookies"
"Can I have one?"
"Do your balls touch your asshole?"
"Yes"
"Then go fuck yourself because Grandma made these for ME!!!"
:-D