The Corrupted Wish Thread

Well, since the other ones were so much fun, I thought we could make another! :D

Just to review the rules:
One person writes down their wish (Example: I wish I had a big penis :PPP)
And the next person corrupts the wish (Example: You get a big penis, but you trip over it, break your neck and die) and then they say their own wish, and it continues.

Ah kay... I'll start:
I wish I didn't have to go to school.

You don't have to go to school but then you become a hobo and live off dead rats. :P

I wish I could meet Freddie. HA, make THAT a bad wish. :P

You meet Freddie, but it's when he's wandering about in that circle of Hell with the desert and the fire and you get hit with fiery things raining down from the sky.

I wish for world peace and a really expensive glass of champagne.

(I don't know about the world peace, but) You get your champagne, but you become an alcoholic and end up devoting your life and money to buying that expensive champagne... and then you become bankrupt and... cut to the hobo and eating rats.

I wish I could run faster than roadrunner.

You can run faster than the roadrunner but you run so fast that you send the earth crashing into a spin cycle thing and go forward in time when utter destruction and chaos rule. :P

I wish my cheap-o ouija board actually worked.

It works, and then everyone thinks you are a crazy voodoo psycho and never believes what you say.

I wish they still made new episodes of Seinfeld.

They make new episodes of Seinfeld with Dr. Phil playing Jerry abd Kramer is played by Hilary Duff.

I wish I had a dollar.

You get dollar but I steal it.

I wish I had a smaller nose. xD No wait... I wish I looked like Twiggy! Ah, perfection.

You look like Twiggy, but all 6.7 stones of you are blown off your remarkably aesthetic terrace by a large-ish gust of wind and go =splat=.

I wish I were a man-eating (literally and figuratively) demon.

Okay, but you only eat fat, sweaty men with hairy backs.

I wish I had a magical dollar that couldn't be stolen or eaten or farted on.

But your dollar gets married and hates his wife, and therefore commits suicide.

I wish I had millions of Queen shirts.

^Okay, but Deliah pees all over them.

I wish I had a dollar that was happy and invincable.

You get that dollar, but you spend it on a cheap pack of gum that you can't even blow bubbles with.

I wish I could have hundreds of pets without the mess and the stink.

^Okay, but your pets are hyper and run away to Vermont.

I wish I was 10 feet tall.

You are ten feet tall, but you out-post me and I stab you in the eye.

I wish I were an alcoholic mother of five living in a small Dell-computer box in a van by the river with our pet mice Fluffy and Pumpkin who nibble our toes and give us rabies while we can't sleep because of the cars on the freeway overhead. And... my word, just kill us already.