so.....what do you think?

You came along and whisked me off my feet,
But you also took my heart and filled it with deceit.
You thought I was someone who you could mess around,
That I was only someone, who never stood out from the crowd.

I knew in the back of my mind that this was what you were,
But I didn’t want to know, that you truly didn’t care.
Instead I kept loving you more and more each day,
Trying to push my thoughts more and more away.

You came along and messed me around,
But I hit back by standing out from the crowd.
You never thought I could live without your affection,
And it just showed you, you were looking at your reflection.

I now know that I have the spirit to keep fighting,
As love can be great and fulfilling, but also extremely frightening.
I had to power to say no to you and your evil,
Which made me happy, as it was your upheaval.

I posted this on another site,but I thought Id share it with you guys and see what you guys thought.Maybe a few others can post there stuff too,enjoy =)

That. Was. Fucking. Amazing.

Hello? Talented poet here?!

Wow.

Excellent! I wish I could write poetry like that!

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]<font color=dark red>WhiteQueen wrote: [/QUOTENAME]You came along and whisked me off my feet,
But you also took my heart and filled it with deceit.
You thought I was someone who you could mess around,
That I was only someone, who never stood out from the crowd.

I knew in the back of my mind that this was what you were,
But I didn’t want to know, that you truly didn’t care.
Instead I kept loving you more and more each day,
Trying to push my thoughts more and more away.

You came along and messed me around,
But I hit back by standing out from the crowd.
You never thought I could live without your affection,
And it just showed you, you were looking at your reflection.

I now know that I have the spirit to keep fighting,
As love can be great and fulfilling, but also extremely frightening.
I had to power to say no to you and your evil,
Which made me happy, as it was your upheaval.

I posted this on another site,but I thought Id share it with you guys and see what you guys thought.Maybe a few others can post there stuff too,enjoy =)[/QUOTE]

White-Queen that was a very good poem! I write poetry from time to time, but its very hard for me to clear my mind and write, since I'm somewhat busy all the time :(

Keep writing!

Here is my poem about me eating Thing 1 and Thing 2, and Dr. Seuss scolding me.

'You cannot go eating my friends!
They were supposed to be my assistants till the very end!
I hope you will fry, I hope you will cry,
In the remorse of the course of eating my friends!'

Yep. I'm going to start writing morbid childrens' books. My pen name will be either Doctor Zeus, or Dr Sues.

This should be a song... don't keep it as a poem.

i can't write poems..well i can but theyre just shite..lol..

im doing poetry in english..i hate it!!!!!!!!
analysing every friggin' word!!!..

anyhoo

THE FAT CAT SAT ON THE MAT!

:)

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]<font color="#33FFFF">Capt'JessicaSparow wrote: [/QUOTENAME]THE FAT CAT SAT ON THE MAT!
:)[/QUOTE]

LMAO... I'm exactly like that too.

thank you all, i appreciate it!

Beautiful poem whitequeen! I just started trying to write poetry (I like to call them lyrics). This poem was for my best friend in the whole world, who I fell in love with...

Beautiful Amber

I’d tremble with delight if I held her hand
I’ve been without love for far to long
But now I’ve found her, that special someone

The way she moves makes me tremble within
If only I could express my inner desire
I surely would be a better man

Amber, oh how my heart does ache
Won’t you dine with me?
Won’t you hold my hand?

I don’t want my freedom
There’s no reason for living
Without true love

Yeah, I know...it sucks A$$! Did you notice my last three lines? Don't kill me for it!

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Metal Head wrote: [/QUOTENAME] Did you notice my last three lines? Don't kill me for it!
[/QUOTE]

It's A Hard Life.... YOU STOLE MY NAME! Time to pay...

;)

Considering the amount of syllables and the natural rhythm, you should really make it four lines a stanza. And I'd rephrase it a little to increase the natural flow of words (every syllable helps imply a rhythm). Other than that, it's not at all bad.

But those borrowed lines, don't do that. You can do quite well without them, I'm sure. Anyway, they really stick out like a soar thumb. The style is so completely different from the rest.

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]<b><font color = "crimson"> ThomasQuinn wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Considering the amount of syllables and the natural rhythm, you should really make it four lines a stanza. And I'd rephrase it a little to increase the natural flow of words (every syllable helps imply a rhythm). Other than that, it's not at all bad.

But those borrowed lines, don't do that. You can do quite well without them, I'm sure. Anyway, they really stick out like a soar thumb. The style is so completely different from the rest.[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it. When I wrote this I was pretty much in love. I wasn't thinking all that much. You know, when you're in love your blind...yeah...I have no idea where I'm going with this. Anyway, I tried and she seemed to love it.

not at all bad metal head!Now thomas,where you talkin about mine or his?

Thanks whitequeen! And I believe Thomas was talking about my poem...the one that sucks.