Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
Thread
Posts in chronological order
Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman?
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Lame :P
A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments.
A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!
Lame :P
Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was assaulted.
denzel:you shearing that sheep?
jethro:no,get your own.
jethro:no,get your own.
two guys walked into a bar, the next guy ducked.
*hides from tomatoes*
*hides from tomatoes*
I got this one out of a christmas cracker:
Q)If a cat has kittens, what does a ball of wool (or yarn) have?
A)Mittens!
hehe it sounded so much funnier after a few of mums christmas whisky chocolate mousse!
Q)If a cat has kittens, what does a ball of wool (or yarn) have?
A)Mittens!
hehe it sounded so much funnier after a few of mums christmas whisky chocolate mousse!
god gets in contact with noah and says "here,noah me ol' china i want you to build me a new ark","sure" says noah,"do you want it the same as last time,full of animals?"
"nah" says god "i want it full of fish,specifficaly carp and i want it 20 storeys high"
"ok" says noah a bit bemused "let me get this straight.you want an ark thats full of fish and 20 storeys high.ok,i'll build it for you" he says "but on one condition,why?"
"coz" says god,"ive always wanted a 20 storey carp ark".....
"nah" says god "i want it full of fish,specifficaly carp and i want it 20 storeys high"
"ok" says noah a bit bemused "let me get this straight.you want an ark thats full of fish and 20 storeys high.ok,i'll build it for you" he says "but on one condition,why?"
"coz" says god,"ive always wanted a 20 storey carp ark".....
Doctor Doctor I woke up this morning with birds singing in my ear, a waterfall pouring down my face and tiny people having a picnic under the tree spouting out of my head
Doctor: Ah I see, you simply have a beauty spot.
Doctor: Ah I see, you simply have a beauty spot.
a man walks into a doctors with a steering wheel between his legs.
"doctor" he says,"youve got to help me.this thing is driving me nuts"
"doctor" he says,"youve got to help me.this thing is driving me nuts"
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]<font color=plum>Cookies?<h6>A Scientist wrote: [/QUOTENAME] Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."[/QUOTE]
I heard that one before...somewhere...
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."[/QUOTE]
I heard that one before...somewhere...
tiger woods is driving to a golf tournament in St Just when he notices that he's running out of fuel so he pulls over into the local garage.
the attendant comes out to serve him and notices his nice shiny car...
"thats a nice car" says the attendent,who doesnt recognise tiger woods,
"yes" says tiger "its a BMW.it has all the latest gadgets in it"
"wow" says the attendent "like what?"
"well" says tiger "this button here tells me what miles to the gallon i do and this one tells me when im running out of fuel"
"cool" says the attendent
"yes" says tiger "i also need to use your bathroom,do you have one?"
"yes" says the attendent "its over there"
as tiger climbs out of his car his golf tee falls out of his pocket and onto the floor..
"whats that?" asks the attendent
"its my tee,its what i place my balls on before i drive off" says tiger
"wow" says the attendent "BMW think of everything dont they!"
the attendant comes out to serve him and notices his nice shiny car...
"thats a nice car" says the attendent,who doesnt recognise tiger woods,
"yes" says tiger "its a BMW.it has all the latest gadgets in it"
"wow" says the attendent "like what?"
"well" says tiger "this button here tells me what miles to the gallon i do and this one tells me when im running out of fuel"
"cool" says the attendent
"yes" says tiger "i also need to use your bathroom,do you have one?"
"yes" says the attendent "its over there"
as tiger climbs out of his car his golf tee falls out of his pocket and onto the floor..
"whats that?" asks the attendent
"its my tee,its what i place my balls on before i drive off" says tiger
"wow" says the attendent "BMW think of everything dont they!"
My grandpa tells this one whenever he meets anyone new, and it's corny.
Grandpa: How many beans do you put in a bowl of bean soup?
New Person: I don't know
Grandpa: 239 beans go into a bowl of bean soup. Wanna know why that number?
New Person: Yeah
Grandpa: Because if you put in one more it would make it 2 farty (240)
Either no one gets that, or I just killed the thread. :-(
**looks sheepish**
Grandpa: How many beans do you put in a bowl of bean soup?
New Person: I don't know
Grandpa: 239 beans go into a bowl of bean soup. Wanna know why that number?
New Person: Yeah
Grandpa: Because if you put in one more it would make it 2 farty (240)
Either no one gets that, or I just killed the thread. :-(
**looks sheepish**
^ Teehee :)
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Whatever you want - he's not going to come anyway
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Whatever you want - he's not going to come anyway
A man gets into a taxi and it sets off.
The speed limit is 30mph and the speedometer is heading towards 45. The man says nothing till it hits 50 and clears his throat nervously, 'Excuse me, I don't mind when we get there, so long as we get there safely,'
The driver takes the hint, 'Do you know how to drive this thing,'
Not knowing what to say, Passenger just says 'No,'
'Then shut up.'
Silence until they hit a motorway, but the man notices the dial going past 70 (the speed limit)again he says 'Honestly, there's no rush,' and again the driver says, 'Do you know how to drive this thing?' The passenger says no.
It's only when the speedometer reads 100 that the passenger shouts 'I want to live!'
'Do you know how to drive this?!' asks the driver
'YES!'
'Great, do you know how you get this out of first gear?'
The speed limit is 30mph and the speedometer is heading towards 45. The man says nothing till it hits 50 and clears his throat nervously, 'Excuse me, I don't mind when we get there, so long as we get there safely,'
The driver takes the hint, 'Do you know how to drive this thing,'
Not knowing what to say, Passenger just says 'No,'
'Then shut up.'
Silence until they hit a motorway, but the man notices the dial going past 70 (the speed limit)again he says 'Honestly, there's no rush,' and again the driver says, 'Do you know how to drive this thing?' The passenger says no.
It's only when the speedometer reads 100 that the passenger shouts 'I want to live!'
'Do you know how to drive this?!' asks the driver
'YES!'
'Great, do you know how you get this out of first gear?'