The Queenzone Personal Board Soap Opera

This damn noticeboard is enough like a soap opera anyway, hell, let's write one. I'm uninspired in the fan fic department and in desperate need of a laugh.

Standard group fic format. A few sentences per person. Make it as ridiculous as possible - remember, we have to keep things realistic, and no one here is normal.

It began when Richard Orchard had a truly inspiring vision of...

love, sweet love. This vision consisted of many intricate parts, yet three stood out. First, the stunning beauty of Geeks. Second, the wit and wisdom of a strapping fellow by the name of Inu Yasha, and the third, but most important, is a dashing prince who is known only as Fatty.

In the quiet town of Miracle, the streets bustle with the movement of children late for school. In the shops, the townsfolk gather for their morning tea, and to catch up on the latest gossip.

Meanwhile inside an elementary school classroom,
the headmaster Charles Baer had prepared
his pupils a class of sexual education. The
words 'PENIS' and 'VAGINA' had been written
in capitals on to the chalkboard. But much to the frustration of ol' Charles, all the young ones were late for class.

(note *hey! this was supposed to be ridiculous as possible*)

(Baer's voice needs to be done by the guy who does Mr. Mackey on South Park) Mmmkay?

The reason the pupils were all late for class, was the fact that the school bus had crashed into a giant elephant whom just managed to escape the local Zoo. This traumatic experience would for several weeks shake the local society, while they all hunted for the miserable creature who opened the Elephant's gate. This creature was in fact part of Richard Orchard's original vision and was named Inu Yasha, also called Dark. As Richard had made the huge mistake to speak his vision aloud, he was the one the mob eventually blamed the incident on (as no one could find Dark, who was hiding in the local MacDonald's), and soon he had the mob after thim, waving their torches.

(you said soap serial, you GET soap serial)
((Dark, after much consideration I chose you. You actually seem to be one of the few beings on this NB who would NOT take it personally.))

But the mob stopped in their tracks when a furry little demon by the name of Pikachu danced in front of them. He gave Richard a map to the McDonalds and the mob soon decided to follow Richard instead.
But it came to pass that Pikachu had given them the wrong directions. But the strapping prince called fatty rode past on his noble steed with Pikachu impaled on his golden sword and all the mob breathed a sigh of relief.
The weary but oddly satisfied mob set off for home. But there was a rustling in the bushes. Prince fatty sliced open the bushes and everyone gasped. It was...

...the dead body of the wanker named TED, who had mysteriously vanished 3-4 years before from the QZ scene.

At the sight of the body, everyone...

...was at first skeptical, as the body was remarkably effeminate. On second glance, it was apparent it was TED, as he was wearing a t-shirt that said "TEST FUCK".

All of the church bells rang, and the chidren began singing.....

*changed*

"Another one bites the dust!
Bum-bum-bum!
Another one bites the dust!
And another one gone
And another one gone
Another one bites the dust!
Hey! We're gonna get TED!
Another one bites the dust!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Dark, after much consideration I chose you. You actually seem to be one of the few beings on this NB who would NOT take it personally."

No worries, Silje! Much love!
Btw. How's your summer going?

After the M.E named Bob 'The Shrek' had gotten the body to the morgue, some of the local towns people were still not sure it was indeed the hated TED. Bob poped his new Celiene Dionne cd into the stereo, and went on to undress the body. Bones snapped as Bob ripped TED's arms out of thier sockets. He then slid the dirty t-shirt over TED's head. And there it was. Conclusive eveidence that it indeed was TED. A faded tattoo in the middle of his chest read 'SMELL THE FUCKIN' COFFEE' neatly lettered above a steaming cup of Folgers.

Just then Sir Archie burst thru the door....

...pissed as a fart.

'Tally ho!' he exclaimed before power spewing, hitting a conveniently placed wall.

Nobody had expected that. Least of all was the angry and vomit covered...

...Flashman, who was in the midst of seducing yet another Phine Philly.

"You Cad", the young lady hissed, slapping Flashman in his now vomit-covered face. "How dare you speak to me that way"

"Have another drink", said Flash, while wiping.....

...the puke from his face. "Would you like to hear how you can be insulted by Flashman 24 hours a day?" he asked.

The woman gasped, and immediately dissolved into floods of tears. "You said you loved me!" she wailed. "How many other women are there, Flashy? How many others are there, huh?" Flashman decided not to answer that question, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway, because he was stopped in mid-word by a deafening crash outside. He peeked between the blinds and saw Charles Baer running by the window with underpants on his head, yelling...

..."Children, back in class! The lesson on the Filthy Sanchez isn't over yet!!! POO", which was odd, as there were absolutely no children present.

"Where are your students, Mr. Baer?", hollered Archie, as he wiped his brow. "Shouldn't you be in your classroom now?"

"VAGINA, Jesus Christ's shaven vagina!!", yelled Charles, as he then proceeded to....

...Run straight into a nearby brick wall. However, despite several prayers from the 20 000 inhabitants, he did not faint - and only seconds later he was heading on down the road screaming perversities at every passing humanbeing and also, for whatever reason, any pet dog he'd come across. It did not cross anyone's mind that Baer might just be running for a reason other than those he would scream out in a confused language, and that was something they would all regret. Behind Baer, speeding down the narrow roads, was a huge Harley...

__________________
Dark: Summer's going great here. I'm alone at home at the moment, escaping the usual family-holiday (thank God!). How about you?