People of faith, help me out

From my own experience Mandy.

My girlfriend happened to be raised protestant, but she says that she doesn't believe in Jesus but still believes in God which makes her agnostic in a certain sense.
I happen to be a christian, but taken the conditions of how corrupt and hypocritical are christian institution I don't consider myself a follower of any of them. The only reason why this relationship has worked despite the differences is because we're not too religious ourselves.

My very own advice Mandy would be to tell him to avoid religious conversations, and see what his reaction will be.

Manders....you already said you both can agree to disagree....stick with him until your heart AND brain tell you otherwise.

Have fun!! Don't worry too much, it gives you wrinkles!!! EWWWW!!!!

:)

<font color=purple>Miss James wrote:

For me personally, I wouldn't date someone who doesn't share my belief system simply because I would already know that problems would occur. It is basically an understanding that I have that I will date someone that I I know I could possibly marry eventually and I would want that person to be Christian, so we would be on track with everything. Even if a person loves another person who doesn't share the same beliefs, those two people are STILL capable of (eventually) getting into nasty religious debates. And if they don't, they probably always choose their words wisely.

That's very true, Amanda. I believe that religious differences in a relationship are something that is very likely to bring conflict, but it also depends on how deeply religious are a man and a woman. The more religious either one is, the more likely it is that the relationship wouldn't work and completely fall apart. There can be religious differences that could still make a relationship work but only as long as both can be moderately religious, and be able to accept the differences from their significant others.

Another thing that can bring a relationship into even more religious conflict is children. When parents disagree about how religiously raise their children, you can nearly see a divorce coming on the way.

"Another thing that can bring a relationship into even more religious conflict is children. When parents disagree about how religiously raise their children, you can nearly see a divorce coming on the way."

- Exactly, Dan. That is one of the biggest reasons why I have chosen to date men that share my belief system. I wouldn't want to raise my children in a family where I and my husband disagree on something like religion. That would only cause potential harm to the child, I think.

I've heard of a lot of couples here in NY that decide to marry despite one being from one religion and the other person from another (the most common one I've seen is christian/jewish couples) and they still manage to have an (apparently) successful marriage.

The funny thing is that many christian/jewish couples seem to get along better than people who are protestant/catholic, even though this last one happens to be far more similar on their religious beliefs for being both christian.

I however never had the chance to ask any of them how do they work it out to put the differences aside without destroying the relationship.

You just do Mr. Jingles. I'm a catholic and my wife is Hindu. And believe me, when you love someone so much, religion does'nt come into it. You'll do whatever it takes to be with that person. It is'nt easy, we've had some really shitty times, but you do it, if you love them.

When I met my husband, I was Protestant and he was Catholic. I made it clear right from the very beginning that I would not be turning Catholic, nor would I be raising my child/children to be Catholic. I basically gave him the opportunity to decide if he wanted to be with me despite our differences, before things got more serious between us. It turned out that even though he was raised in the Catholic church, my husband had serious issues with alot of the church's practices,and was not happy with alot of it, and he was only too happy to get married in my church, and to raise our son in the Protestant religion. His mother had issues with it for awhile, and made a bit of a stink, but we stuck to our guns, and after awhile she backed down and that was that.

Janet wrote:

When I met my husband, I was Protestant and he was Catholic. I made it clear right from the very beginning that I would not be turning Catholic, nor would I be raising my child/children to be Catholic. I basically gave him the opportunity to decide if he wanted to be with me despite our differences, before things got more serious between us. It turned out that even though he was raised in the Catholic church, my husband had serious issues with alot of the church's practices,and was not happy with alot of it, and he was only too happy to get married in my church, and to raise our son in the Protestant religion. His mother had issues with it for awhile, and made a bit of a stink, but we stuck to our guns, and after awhile she backed down and that was that.

That's sorta like my parents, too. My mum is Catholic and my dad is Protestant. But my bro and I are Catholic.

<font color=purple>Miss James wrote:

"Another thing that can bring a relationship into even more religious conflict is children. When parents disagree about how religiously raise their children, you can nearly see a divorce coming on the way."

- Exactly, Dan. That is one of the biggest reasons why I have chosen to date men that share my belief system. I wouldn't want to raise my children in a family where I and my husband disagree on something like religion. That would only cause potential harm to the child, I think.

Everything worked out great with my brother and I. My dad even goes to Church with us every week, so we go as a family. :-)

My wife and I have been married for 14 - 1/2 years and have two boys. She is Catholic ... and I ceased being a practicing Catholic 19 - 1/2 years ago. She is raising the kids Catholic and I generally stay out of it. I conceded the religious upbringing issue, knowing that it would not harm the kids, and realizing that my views of religion were not quite mainstream.

Rip Van Winkle wrote:

My wife and I have been married for 14 - 1/2 years and have two boys. She is Catholic ... and I ceased being a practicing Catholic 19 - 1/2 years ago. She is raising the kids Catholic and I generally stay out of it. I conceded the religious upbringing issue, knowing that it would not harm the kids, and realizing that my views of religion were not quite mainstream.

But you haven't stayed out of it. Your lack of contribution is as big a factor as if you had actively contributed. What the children will get into their heads is that religion is just a thing to do and it doesn't really matter. This is the danger in mixed marriages for people who truly wish to pass on their faith. And oddly enough, it isn't usually the children who lose religion in this situation - it's the grandchildren. Not that I'm suggesting you should have done something different. It's that in marriage, it is not possible for one parent to stay out of the religious upbringing of the children; their action - or inaction - will always be a large part of that area of development.

"What the children will get into their heads is that religion is just a thing to do and it doesn't really matter."

Fine by me - my kids will hopefuly turn out ok - with or without religion. I do think "religion is a thing to do and that it doesn't really matter."

My wife is Cathloic, for me I tend to totally ignore religion, to many things that go on in this world for me to simply follow a religion.

If I were to give advice, I would do what Janet said she did Geeks, lay down what you think and tell him now, so down he dont get the idea that some where down the road he can put ideas to change your mind.

Well, thank you all for the thoughtful responses. Never would have thunk we could all have this deep a conversation, eh?

Janet - I've done approximately what you said to do. I basically laid down my entire belief system, monkeys and all, for him to sort through. Then he asked me if there was anything at all I had faith in, and after a bit of consideration (how can you expect another person to think when it's thirty degrees outside? Stupid Ohio River Valley) I said yes, I thought there was. And he said that as long as I wasn't entirely faithless, that would do, because he believes that all good people go to heaven as long as they had something that passes for faith. He'd been worried because I had jokingly referred to myself as "faithless" more than once (nice job, Mandy, foot-in-mouth disease strikes again).

And yeah, to those who believe this relationship doesn't have a prayer (oh, ick, that was horrible), I didn't think so either at first ("You go to church HOW often?"). Thing is, I would kind of like to see this one continue for a while - this is the first guy I have ever dated who doesn't seem likely to leave me for another man (I have a BAD track record with dating gay guys).

Thanks once again for the help. I'm hoping this one works out, at least for the time being.

(Side note to Flashman: You wacky, twisted bloke! I love you! Please stay away from my house!)

Bit late for this - but what's with all this raising kids in a particular faith? Why do people fight over what religion their children are brought up in? I guess if both parents share the same faith then it's easy enough but those who believe different things, what's wrong with encouraging the kids to look into religion themselves and decide what they want to be? I don't seem to be seeing much of that in this discussion and it seems to me so obvious - it's fully how I intend to raise my family.

And good to hear that things worked out for you g&g! Sometimes a good talk is all you need.