Camera up your arse

After a recent bout of sickness, it appears I must have a camera inserted to check my colon, which they tell me is the cause of my malaise.

A young oriental female doctor was kind enough to pop her finger up my bum – whether she sniffed it or not afterwards I couldn’t say, for my eyes were still tightly shut and my head still in a daze. What you poofters see in it, I’ll never know. I certainly couldn’t have accepted anything much larger than a finger. You must all get blind drunk before battle commences – your heads would need to be as well-oiled as your arseholes. Christ, I don’t know how you derive any sort of pleasure from that kind of business – it’s no bloody wonder you all mince about on your tippy-toes all day, you’re still recovering from your first ever joust.

I presume they’ll be going in via the exit wound. Please God, let it be smaller than that lass’s finger! Never mind sedation – they’ll need six burly fellows just to pin me down. I know one chap who had to have a camera down his wotsit, if you’ll believe me. Oh Lord, don’t let it be down my wotsit! It’s so precious to me! We’ve been through a lot of women together.

So, have you ever had a camera up your arse? Is it simply a case of ‘one up the bum, no harm done’, or is it far, far worse than I can possibly imagine?

Please, be graphic if you must, I’m sat down. While I still can.

Had a camara inside my knee once. Looking at the inside of your kneecap was very disconcerting.

Still plays up when the weather's bad, but for 32 I don't do that bad.

I'd almost shouted 'WO IST DAS KAMERAAAAAHHHH!?' ;-)))

But no, I won't make fun of such an unpleasant operation... All the best Flashman!!

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/health_advice/examinations/sigmoidoscopy.htm

A metal tube, rot you! 23cm into my intestines, hang it all!

That settles it - I'll be swimming in so much brandy by the time I get there, they could park a bus up my arse and I'll be none the wiser.

I can't understand why I, of all people, should suffer from this particular malady.

As everyone knows - God made me a perfect arsehole.

My eyes are watering. Still, nice to see you back!

After all those years of giving, it's time to take.

Just remember - there's always time for lubrication.

Lol sick, eewww, i feel sorry for ya, but glad its not me, but im sure you could handle it i mean if a gay has a dick up his arse for fun lol, u might like it could be an experience for ya

Just in case this is serious...

Do not have anyone perform such an examination without a sedative. In my country the doctor has to explain the procedure/risks to you and you have to sign a 5 page paper to confirm that you are aware of all aspects of the procedure.

The sedative will make you semi unconscious, so there is no anxiety and no pain. Do not let anyone insert anything into your body without such a sedative. If the doctor thinks it's unnecessary, he has probably the nature of a butcher and will treat you like this. Find someone else, preferably Barry's doctor.

Oh dear I laughed so much! I shouldn't - it sounds painful! Flashy's just so entertaining!

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME] <font color=FF0099>Linda Of The Valley wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Queenleaf wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Oh dear I laughed so much! I shouldn't - it sounds painful! Flashy's just so entertaining![/QUOTE]

It's not a joke, though! [/QUOTE]

oops someone made a mistake

I am unfortunately of the age group where this lovely procedure is recommended every so many years, so I had it done. I was super-hysterical prior, and as they do for everyone, they put an intravenous needle in, put me to "sleep", and then gave me something IV to "wake" me up, and I was not groggy afterwards. Rats! I missed the whole show which, if I had been awake, I could have watched on their "tv" screen. I saw just a minute or two at the beginning. It looked like a wild ride on the rollercoaster colon. Up. Down. Around the curve. Raise your hands up over your head and scream! The night-before prep, however, is by faaaaaaaaaar worse. How one little bottle of laxative can cause such a great and continous explosion is beyond me. Oh, poor Flashman, just seat-belt yourself to the toilet all night and let 'er rip. Do let us know how everything turns out. Well, maybe not everything. I am sure your rendition will be highly entertaining!

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Flashman wrote: [/QUOTENAME]
So, have you ever had a camera up your arse? Is it simply a case of ‘one up the bum, no harm done’, or is it far, far worse than I can possibly imagine?

Please, be graphic if you must, I’m sat down. While I still can.
[/QUOTE]

depends if the camera and sound crew are still attached when it goes in
and whether they are shitting (sorry shooting) widescreen or 4x3

While you're in there, it might be worth asking them if they'll give your teeth the once over.

I only mention it because someone once said you talked out of your arse.

This is exactly why I will never become a doctor.