Camera up your arse

I think Flashy is afraid that he might like it

True Barry, the camera is indeed very small, however it's the film crew that go in after it that smarts a little.

[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]Forever88<h6>glah glah glah</h6> wrote: [/QUOTENAME][QUOTE][QUOTENAME]-Luke_Taylor- wrote: [/QUOTENAME]Lol sick, eewww, i feel sorry for ya, but glad its not me, but im sure you could handle it i mean if a gay has a dick up his arse for fun lol, u might like it could be an experience for ya[/QUOTE] Yes but a dick is softer and pliable and doesnt go so deep, believe me, id know.[/QUOTE]

*cough**gag*cough**vomit*

Save me!

My appointment has been brought forward to February 10th!

I'm doomed! Doomed, I tell yer!

Isn't there anyone out there willing to stand in for me? I'll be your bestest pal - I'm on my knees pleading here, rot you!

Oh God, why must you forsake me in my hour of direst need, you bastard? Please let me be alright, just this once - and I promise from this day forward to never take your name in vain again, or be cruel to those less fortunate than myself. I might go off the rails a bit now and again, when in drink for instance, which can't be helped surely, but I really will try. Honest, I will!

*Curls into ball and sobs uncontrollably, pausing occasionally to shake fist to the heavens*

Never mind Flashy, you know what they say 'never put off' and all that, you might however want to practice a little first, for the pain you understand.

Try singing We are the Champions while a friend runs at you from behind with a broomstick.

I gather that was the inspiration for several of Eltons early hits!

I saw that Barry, amazing how the hell did it get online?

This is all Blair's fault - him and his kind! Bloody NHS! If he'd have had anything about him, this would have been spotted years ago and sorted out with a few tablets and a lollipop. They're all bloody useless, don't you see?

Forgive me, I ain't myself. It's these drugs I'm taking - they put me on edge all the time. I'll just have to stop smoking it, I suppose. This damned government! If only they'd spent a few quid on healthcare instead of frittering it all away on support groups for pigging lesbians. I haven't paid my taxes all these years just for Sandy bloody Toksvig to feel comfortable with herself, hang it all!

It's the end for me, I know it is! I can't abide pain, y'see. Dishing it out's different, of course. It's all coming back to haunt me, ain't it? Time for Flashy's comeupance, and not before time, you're all thinking, blast you.

If I get there and the sawbones in charge has got hands like shovels, I swear I'll swing for one of you lot!

Goodbye, cruel world!

I too have suffered the indignity of having a camera shoved up my Nat King Cole. That in itself was painful enough but what still worries me is that the doctor seemed able to operate the camera with both hands on my shoulders.

Hang on a bleeding minute.......

fatty.

WHO HERE HAS CULITUS?PARDON THE SPELLING

Poor old Flashy, well you can take some comfort in knowing that when my father had a similar experience a good number of years ago, not only did they send a camera in there, they also needed a tripod!

Things are a little smaller these day, still that will bethe least of your worries, if they find something, someone will have to go in after it...

They'd better use summat, or I'll break the fucker's legs.

Here's fun - can you come up with some song titles to suit my situation? I've a few to start you off:-

Another One Bites The Pillow
Ring Of Fire
Arselona

I can laugh at myself y'know. But if I hear one more snigger from you lot - I'll post you my stool culture.

You can't beat a nice cup of tea after a camera up the arse.

The Shite Comes Down
Seven Shades Of Rhye
My Hairy Ring
Sheer Fart Attack
Shite From The Inside

It's good that at least one of us tries to keep this Forum high-brow.

Jeeeeeesus!
Driven by poo
Tear it up! ooh
A splinters tale

and my old favourite non queen epic 'Brown girl in the ring'

One for the aficionados amongst you:

The Ring (The Sigmoidoscopic Reduction Of Flash)