you guys can post corny joke here, if you just want to laugh, or if you're very bored, or if you wanna share your jokes. i'll start.
tenacious - shoes you use for tennis
cattle - where the princes and princesses live
devastation - where you ride the bus
statue - is that you?
tissue - it is you!
(i'm not racist, okay!)
what do you use to blindfold a chinese man?
dental floss.
Thread
Posts in chronological order
invu - i envy you <3
okay...A Christmas joke.
Three dudes die and go to the pearly gates...
St Peter says, "in order to get in you have to produce something symbolic to Christmas and the birth of Christ.
The first guy produces a lighter...and says, "this symbolises the lighting of a candle"
St. Peter lets him in.
The second guy produces his car keys and jingles them...and says, "these symbolize the bells of Christmas"
St. Peter lets him in.
The third guy pulls a pair of ladies panties from his pocket and holds them up.
St Peter says....okay, what are these supposed to symbolize?
The guy says.........."They're Carols"
xD
Three dudes die and go to the pearly gates...
St Peter says, "in order to get in you have to produce something symbolic to Christmas and the birth of Christ.
The first guy produces a lighter...and says, "this symbolises the lighting of a candle"
St. Peter lets him in.
The second guy produces his car keys and jingles them...and says, "these symbolize the bells of Christmas"
St. Peter lets him in.
The third guy pulls a pair of ladies panties from his pocket and holds them up.
St Peter says....okay, what are these supposed to symbolize?
The guy says.........."They're Carols"
xD
^haha!!!! nice one!!!!
I was at the ATM earlier, getting some money out, when a little, grey haired pensioner asked if I would mind checking her balance - so I pushed the old bitch over.
Okay.
A rabbit, a dog and a bear are forced to join the army, but they don't want to, so they need an excuse.
First the rabbit.
Rabbit: "What excuse do I need?"
Dog: "Cut off your ears, I mean, a rabbit without ears isn't a rabbit."
So he does and it worked, he was rejected from army due to his missing ears.
Second the dog.
Dog: "And what excuse do I need?"
Bear: "Cut off your tail. A dog who can't whip his tail, isn't a dog"
So he does and this time it worked too. He was rejected due to his missing tail.
And finally the bear.
Bear: "Okay and what is a good solution for my problem?"
Rabbit: "Hmm, somebody needs to remove all of your teeth. A bear without teeth isn't a bear, you know."
So it happened. After a while he returns to his friends.
Rabbit and Dog: "And?"
Bear (with sheer pain in his mouth): "I'm rejected too. I am too heavy."
A rabbit, a dog and a bear are forced to join the army, but they don't want to, so they need an excuse.
First the rabbit.
Rabbit: "What excuse do I need?"
Dog: "Cut off your ears, I mean, a rabbit without ears isn't a rabbit."
So he does and it worked, he was rejected from army due to his missing ears.
Second the dog.
Dog: "And what excuse do I need?"
Bear: "Cut off your tail. A dog who can't whip his tail, isn't a dog"
So he does and this time it worked too. He was rejected due to his missing tail.
And finally the bear.
Bear: "Okay and what is a good solution for my problem?"
Rabbit: "Hmm, somebody needs to remove all of your teeth. A bear without teeth isn't a bear, you know."
So it happened. After a while he returns to his friends.
Rabbit and Dog: "And?"
Bear (with sheer pain in his mouth): "I'm rejected too. I am too heavy."
aaw poor bear :(
this one's really stupid:
two boys (let's name them Olly and Bolly), were going to the market to buy ham for dinner. their very strict and grumphy dad had given them money. when they came to the market they just couldn't resist spending all of the money on candy. Olly and Bolly went home with no dinner, and naturally, their father got extremely mad and gave them a spanking.
the next day, the boys were sent to the market again (with sore bottoms) to buy ham for dinner.
Olly and Bolly saw the candy.... and just couldn't help themselves. they so badly wanted the candy and spent all of their dad's money.
"jeez,this surely sucks," said Ollie, knewing their father would give them a serious spanking when they got home without the ham.
"so what are we going to do?" asked Bolly.
"I have an idea" replied Olly. "let's cut our bottoms off and wrap them in paper. our dad will think it's ham."
"oh what a lovely idea!"
so they did.
it hurt, but the thought of their angry father was worse than any pain...
when they got home their dad cooked the ham for dinner and everybody was happy.
the next week, their dad gave them money to go to the market again. Olly and Bolly promised themselves to not even look in the direction of the candy stall, but of course... they spent all of the money on candy. what brats.
they realised what they'd just done and cried all the way home. their aggressive father got seriously mad and told them crying would do them no good.
he pulled down their trousers to give them the worst spanking ever.....
but where was the botteys...?
(and where the heck is the punchline I just realise... :/
but it's a corny joke, nevertheless!)
oh well, never mind.... it's a cute story, isn't it?
this one's really stupid:
two boys (let's name them Olly and Bolly), were going to the market to buy ham for dinner. their very strict and grumphy dad had given them money. when they came to the market they just couldn't resist spending all of the money on candy. Olly and Bolly went home with no dinner, and naturally, their father got extremely mad and gave them a spanking.
the next day, the boys were sent to the market again (with sore bottoms) to buy ham for dinner.
Olly and Bolly saw the candy.... and just couldn't help themselves. they so badly wanted the candy and spent all of their dad's money.
"jeez,this surely sucks," said Ollie, knewing their father would give them a serious spanking when they got home without the ham.
"so what are we going to do?" asked Bolly.
"I have an idea" replied Olly. "let's cut our bottoms off and wrap them in paper. our dad will think it's ham."
"oh what a lovely idea!"
so they did.
it hurt, but the thought of their angry father was worse than any pain...
when they got home their dad cooked the ham for dinner and everybody was happy.
the next week, their dad gave them money to go to the market again. Olly and Bolly promised themselves to not even look in the direction of the candy stall, but of course... they spent all of the money on candy. what brats.
they realised what they'd just done and cried all the way home. their aggressive father got seriously mad and told them crying would do them no good.
he pulled down their trousers to give them the worst spanking ever.....
but where was the botteys...?
(and where the heck is the punchline I just realise... :/
but it's a corny joke, nevertheless!)
oh well, never mind.... it's a cute story, isn't it?
1.
So there's a blind guy walking through the park with his seeing-eye dog. All of a sudden, the guy starts swinging the dog around in circles!
Another guy comes over and says, 'What're you doing??'
And the blind guy replies, 'Oh, just having a look around.'
2.
A very important company president is in great distress, due to the fact that his business is going pretty much down...
Sitting at his desk, his secretary comes in and says, 'Sir, the Invisible Man is here to see you.'
He waves her away and says, 'Tell him I can't see him right now.'
!!!
Oh, here are a few from my music tech class, from my VERY corny teacher:
(After all of us messing up on our rhythms)
'You guys are rushin'! I thought you were American! Ah-her her her!'
(Interrupts us while working at our stations, singing to us, you know.)
'You're a mean one, Mister Grinch! You've got termites in your soul!...Lately the song has been stuck in my head - but the three words that describe you are stink! Stank! Stunk!...What? You guys don't remember the Grinch?!'
So there's a blind guy walking through the park with his seeing-eye dog. All of a sudden, the guy starts swinging the dog around in circles!
Another guy comes over and says, 'What're you doing??'
And the blind guy replies, 'Oh, just having a look around.'
2.
A very important company president is in great distress, due to the fact that his business is going pretty much down...
Sitting at his desk, his secretary comes in and says, 'Sir, the Invisible Man is here to see you.'
He waves her away and says, 'Tell him I can't see him right now.'
!!!
Oh, here are a few from my music tech class, from my VERY corny teacher:
(After all of us messing up on our rhythms)
'You guys are rushin'! I thought you were American! Ah-her her her!'
(Interrupts us while working at our stations, singing to us, you know.)
'You're a mean one, Mister Grinch! You've got termites in your soul!...Lately the song has been stuck in my head - but the three words that describe you are stink! Stank! Stunk!...What? You guys don't remember the Grinch?!'
a guy walks into a bar and the other one ducked.
A neutron walks in to a bar. He says 'How much for a beer?'. The barkeeper looks at him and says 'For you? No charge'
BADOOMFUCKINGCHISH!
BADOOMFUCKINGCHISH!
Two old ladies on a park bench and a streaker runs by - one had a stroke, the other missed.
A horse walks into the bar....
The bartender says..."why the long face?"
The bartender says..."why the long face?"
I just ate some laffy taffy and this is what was on the wrapper.... It is the corniest of corny.
How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buccaneer! :P
How much did it cost for the pirate to get his ears pierced?
A buccaneer! :P
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
damn
damn
[QUOTE][QUOTENAME]<font color=#FFFFFF>The Invisible Man wrote: [/QUOTENAME]What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
damn[/QUOTE]
I still don't get it XD
damn[/QUOTE]
I still don't get it XD