Hi Lester!

Lester Burnham wrote:

I then proceeded to shake the breast's hand, which she mistook as me copping a feel. And, with any luck, they'll let me out in twenty months, eighteen with good behavior.

And the catholic priests are still walking the streets, groping various things. There is no justice. Hmm, once you are free to grope again, I wonder what would happen if you touched a priest's breasts? Oh wait, it's not 2535, so the church doesn't have female priests yet. In fact, by that point, the church has been replaced by various computer-worshipping cults. They have great faith in the power of computers in their age of being born with ESP.

In the meantime, maybe you should search for some other objects to feel for the next 18-20 months. I've heard shovels and treasure maps can be useful in jail cells.

Most misguided post ever. Time for bed.

dearest lester,

i realise that you may never read this because this is a bit of an old topic. it's really quite the same as the closetful of santa letters i have downstairs.
i'm a relatively new queenzoner so i am hesitant to ask this question. i feel you are the only one i can go to.
you see i'm in france for the year. and people in my town back in iowa still think i'm living in my old house. i call my mother to tell her i made it safe and she freaks out and threatens to call the police.
i really don't know what to do.


confused,
mary

OgreBattleField1980 wrote:

Dear Lester,

I said the same thing you said about her profile as well. Very nice indeed . Infact I cant go a day without talkin to her , very kind and sweet she is.


Ron

You're too sweet ;) *hugs*

the_hero wrote:

Lester, you truely are amazing... lol

*agreed*

Just You and Me wrote:

dearest lester,

i realise that you may never read this because this is a bit of an old topic. it's really quite the same as the closetful of santa letters i have downstairs.
i'm a relatively new queenzoner so i am hesitant to ask this question. i feel you are the only one i can go to.
you see i'm in france for the year. and people in my town back in iowa still think i'm living in my old house. i call my mother to tell her i made it safe and she freaks out and threatens to call the police.
i really don't know what to do.


confused,
mary

Dear Mary,

I am going to run this letter through the Babelfish translator for a hilariously inaccurate French translation.

J'ai juste reçu votre lettre d'Iowa quand je me suis rendu compte que vous l'aviez envoyée d'Iowa, France. Y a-t-il vraiment une ville appelée l'Iowa en France ? Ceci peut causer une partie de la confusion.

Cependant, il n'y a aucune raison de se ronger, parce que si votre mère appelle la police, vous êtes en France. Je suis sûr que la police de l'Iowa fera très peu, à moins que votre mère appelle la police française, dans ce cas vous êtes inquiété parce que j'ai entendu elles sont le groupe le plus méchant jamais. Si vous vous avérez justement entendre une de ces sirènes ennuyantes pleurant en bas de votre rue, je me cacherais si j'étais vous.

All the best,

Lester

<

Dear Lester,
Thank you for the advice with the bird. I tried to defeat it tonite, but it stole my liver. Could u tell me how I could get it back?
Sincerely yours,
Sonia

dear lester,

no idon't think there is a town called iowa in france. it didn't occur to me that i needn't worry about her calling the police. and i don't think she would call the police over here.

thanks.


yours,
mary

Lester Schmester xD

&lt;font color=#CC0066&gt;SomebodyToLoveMe wrote:

Lester Schmester xD

Hey now, no name calling!

Rachael... Schmachael! Yeah!


I'll answer letters a little later tonight. Keep 'em coming, if you so desire.

For a second there, I thought you called me Michael Schumacher....

lmfao @ Michael Schumacher.


Howdy again ...ill be quiet now

Howdyyyyyyyyyyyyy :D

&lt;font color=#CC0066&gt;Sonia Doris&lt;/font&gt; wrote:

Dear Lester,
Thank you for the advice with the bird. I tried to defeat it tonite, but it stole my liver. Could u tell me how I could get it back?
Sincerely yours,
Sonia

Dear Sonia,

You must first recite the line of a popular song, written and recorded sometime between 1930 and 1932, while tapdancing on one foot with a sawblade between your teeth (the line you recite must be completely comprehensible). Only then will the bird be so amused that it will die laughing and drop your liver.

Yours,

Lester

Just You and Me wrote:

dear lester,

no idon't think there is a town called iowa in france. it didn't occur to me that i needn't worry about her calling the police. and i don't think she would call the police over here.

thanks.


yours,
mary

Dear Mary,

Anytime.

- Lester