i was never beaten, but verbal and emotional abuse from dad was blatant. i feel that is worse than anything a hand could do. i have a twisted confidence level because of it.
my mom never really disciplined me. she knew i was smart and wouldnt do anything TOO stupid. and if i did, her thought was 'thats your own stupid fault', since i always felt bad enough for doing something wrong. dad usually got to me first anyway.
my parents were never bad, i was only spanked a handful of times (no pun intended), and it was usually if i was mean towards someone, or put myself in danger. the way my parents saw it, was a swat in the ass was better than several broken bones from running into the road. i learned. and it never really bothered me. i was startled at the time, but i was always told why i was spanked, so i wasnt living in fear.
however, there were many times my dad would come home and yell at me for god knows what petty stupid thing. if i did something wrong, i never heard the end of it, and never did it right. at least i was lucky to be rewarded when i did something right the first time.
anyway, thats my say.
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This is one of those threads which amazes you to realize how similar day-to-day life all ove the world.
I am 29 years old now and have been hit many times during my growing up years in the 80s and early 90s. I never got hit for no reason, it was always for something that I was not supposed to do- not studying, mispalcing and losing stuff, not being back home from school/play on time, fighting with otehr kids, etc. My mom used to beat me more than my dad and her fav weapon was a plastic water hose- when she cut loose with it, every hit felt like a burn. It was excruciating. Dad had to just give me a cold glare and that was enough. Mom somehow lacked that kind of control so she had to adopt other means, I guess.
There's one particluar beating which I remember vividly. I was maybe 5 or 6 and while playing I pushed another boy, who fell into a puddle of dirty water. This kid went crying to complain to his mom, and the lady happened to be with my mom at that moment. So when my mom heard what had happened, she went in to get the badminton racket and gave me such a beating that it brought tears to the eyes of the other kid's mom. She tried to stop my mom but she just went on. Finally when she stopped, the racket was broken - yes, the metal bent and finally broke into two. Surprisingly I have no scars to show for it.
I am 29 years old now and have been hit many times during my growing up years in the 80s and early 90s. I never got hit for no reason, it was always for something that I was not supposed to do- not studying, mispalcing and losing stuff, not being back home from school/play on time, fighting with otehr kids, etc. My mom used to beat me more than my dad and her fav weapon was a plastic water hose- when she cut loose with it, every hit felt like a burn. It was excruciating. Dad had to just give me a cold glare and that was enough. Mom somehow lacked that kind of control so she had to adopt other means, I guess.
There's one particluar beating which I remember vividly. I was maybe 5 or 6 and while playing I pushed another boy, who fell into a puddle of dirty water. This kid went crying to complain to his mom, and the lady happened to be with my mom at that moment. So when my mom heard what had happened, she went in to get the badminton racket and gave me such a beating that it brought tears to the eyes of the other kid's mom. She tried to stop my mom but she just went on. Finally when she stopped, the racket was broken - yes, the metal bent and finally broke into two. Surprisingly I have no scars to show for it.
>> ParisNair wrote: There's one particluar beating which I remember vividly. I was maybe 5 or 6 and while playing I pushed another boy, who fell into a puddle of dirty water. This kid went crying to complain to his mom, and the lady happened to be with my mom at that moment. So when my mom heard what had happened, she went in to get the badminton racket and gave me such a beating that it brought tears to the eyes of the other kid's mom. She tried to stop my mom but she just went on. Finally when she stopped, the racket was broken - yes, the metal bent and finally broke into two. Surprisingly I have no scars to show for it. <<<
This is so sad. I can't help ask - what, if anything, did you learn from that punishment? And afterward, like later that night, what did your mom say to you? Was anything ever said about it?
I have to ask because I wonder why we can't just talk to our kids. There have been times when I considered giving my kid a swat - not a beating, mind you, just a swat - but I never did. She trusted me to take care of her, how could I betray that trust? Instead, I always told her exactly what she did that pissed me off and why - no matter where we were. I didn't berate her, I explained it. Sometimes through gritted teeth. From that, she learned there were consequences for her actions and sometimes the consequence was as simple as seeing how her actions upset the people she loved. Maybe that doesn't work on every kid, but it worked on mine. I'm not saying I'm the perfect parent - not even close - but I think "hitting" and "parenting" are two completely different concepts. Or should be.
This is so sad. I can't help ask - what, if anything, did you learn from that punishment? And afterward, like later that night, what did your mom say to you? Was anything ever said about it?
I have to ask because I wonder why we can't just talk to our kids. There have been times when I considered giving my kid a swat - not a beating, mind you, just a swat - but I never did. She trusted me to take care of her, how could I betray that trust? Instead, I always told her exactly what she did that pissed me off and why - no matter where we were. I didn't berate her, I explained it. Sometimes through gritted teeth. From that, she learned there were consequences for her actions and sometimes the consequence was as simple as seeing how her actions upset the people she loved. Maybe that doesn't work on every kid, but it worked on mine. I'm not saying I'm the perfect parent - not even close - but I think "hitting" and "parenting" are two completely different concepts. Or should be.
[QUOTE]magicalfreddiemercury wrote:
This is so sad. I can't help ask - what, if anything, did you learn from that punishment? And afterward, like later that night, what did your mom say to you? Was anything ever said about it?[/QUOTE]
I got beaten a lot as a kid, but I can't recall any discussions or explanations happening later. It was like I did some mischief and I got beaten. Only, I think most time the punishment was inproportionate to the "crime".
And another interesting thing- whenever I did soemthing really wrong like lying, stealign money from my dad's or mom's purse, or use bad language, etc - I never got beaten. That's when the lectures happened. It was like as if my parents were really hurt by my action. And if I remember right, I never did repeat those things once I was caught and reprimanded in this way (except the bad language, which I do use outside the house).
This is so sad. I can't help ask - what, if anything, did you learn from that punishment? And afterward, like later that night, what did your mom say to you? Was anything ever said about it?[/QUOTE]
I got beaten a lot as a kid, but I can't recall any discussions or explanations happening later. It was like I did some mischief and I got beaten. Only, I think most time the punishment was inproportionate to the "crime".
And another interesting thing- whenever I did soemthing really wrong like lying, stealign money from my dad's or mom's purse, or use bad language, etc - I never got beaten. That's when the lectures happened. It was like as if my parents were really hurt by my action. And if I remember right, I never did repeat those things once I was caught and reprimanded in this way (except the bad language, which I do use outside the house).
>>ParisNair wrote: That's when the lectures happened. It was like as if my parents were really hurt by my action. And if I remember right, I never did repeat those things once I was caught and reprimanded in this way. <<
That's what people should take from this conversation. That explaining reasons - though it takes more patience, time and thought than lashing out - is the greatest way to teach our kids proper behavior, respect, etc. But maybe that's the problem. Maybe parents who regularly hit their kids do so not as a way of teaching them but of controlling them.
That's what people should take from this conversation. That explaining reasons - though it takes more patience, time and thought than lashing out - is the greatest way to teach our kids proper behavior, respect, etc. But maybe that's the problem. Maybe parents who regularly hit their kids do so not as a way of teaching them but of controlling them.